Sunday, January 10, 2016

Movie List 2015: 61-100

Wow...I either need to stop watching so many movies or stop doing such elaborate lists. These things take For.Ev.Er!

Genre Color Key

          =    Action
       =  Animated
       = Adventure
         =   Comedy
          =     Crime
                   =   Documentary
           =   Drama
          =   Fantasy
           =    Horror
            =      Love
          =   Musical
           =     Sci-Fi
           =     Sports

*  =  Rewatched
Title   =   I really wish I hadn’t watched this


What’s Your Number

Afraid that she’s been too picky in love, a woman swears off sex until she can track down her exes to try and see if she might have been wrong about them.

Starring: Anna Faris, Chris Evans, Ari Graynor, Blythe Danner, Ed Begley Jr., Chris Pratt

This movie...
proves that I will watch pretty much anything if Chris Evans is in it.

“I was thinking maybe you’d want to be my date to my sister’s wedding?”

“Are your parents going to be there?”

“At my sister’s wedding?
...I think so.”


The Skeleton Twins

After attempting suicide a man has to stay with his estranged twin sister.

Starring: Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Luke Wilson, Ty Burrell

This movie...
needs to be seen if only so you can watch Kristen Wiig and Bill Haders amazing performances. Their twin chemistry is impossibly great.

“Have you read Marley and Me?”

“Yeah. Sad.”

“Why is it sad?”

“You don’t know what happens?”

“No, that’s why Im reading it.”




“Does the dog die at the end?”

“No, I didn’t say that.”

"The fucking dog dies at the end.”

“I didn’t—I’m not saying anything.

“Look how much I had left!

*   63.   *

The Matrix

A computer hacker named Neo discovers that the world as we know it is a lie known as The Matrix: a complex computer program designed to keep humanity compliant so the machines can use us for fuel.

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Ann Moss, Hugo Weaving

This movie...
was being shown at the local microcinema and I finally got to see it on the big screen!

“What is real? How do you define ‘real’? If youre talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then ‘real’ is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.”


The Score

An old con who is getting too old for this shit goes in for one last big heist. Unfortunately for him the young upstart hes working with has more ambition than skill.

Starring: Robert De Niro, Edward Norton, Marlon Brando, Angela Bassett

This movie...
isn’t going to blow your mind or anything, but it’s pretty entertaining if you can get past the parts where Edward Norton is pretending to be intellectually disabled.

“When was it you started thinking you were better than me?”


The Apartment

An office worker is surprised to find himself in a bad situation after he agrees to let his bosses use his apartment to have their affairs in.

Starring: Jack Lemmon, Shirley MacLaine, Fred MacMurray

This movie...
is not the comedy I was expecting. It’s dark! I was all set to laugh, but then you’ve got stalkers and suicide attempts all up in it!

“The’s broken.”

“Yes, I know. I like it that way. Makes me look the way I feel.”


Zatouichi Monogatari
[The Tale of Zatoichi]

A masseur finds himself in the middle of a gang war!

P.S. The masseur is also a master swordsman.

P.P.S. He is also blind!

Starring: Shintaro Katsu, Shigeru Amachi, Masayo Banri, Eijiro Yanagi, Ryuzo Shimada

This movie...
is a lot of fun. I recommend it for the next time you find yourself in the mood for some old-school B&W samurai fun.

“There’s a tug on your line.”

“...A small carp.”

“That was fast. At this rate there’ll be no fish left for me.”

“How did you know my bobber was moving if you can’t see?”

“I just sensed it.”

*   67.   *

The Neverending Story

A young boy steals a magic book, but little does he know that the story hes reading is much more than just words on paper.

Starring: Barret Oliver, Noah Hathaway, Alan Oppenheimer, Tami Stronach

This movie...
only deals with the first half of the book and it is much better than the book because of it.

“Why is it so dark?”

“In the beginning, it is always dark.”

*   68. & 69.   *

Kill Bill: vol. 1 / Kill Bill: vol. 2
2003 / 2004

A deadly assasin wakes up from a coma four years after having survived an attack from her former squad on her wedding day. Now shes sworn to get revenge and will stop at nothing to kill them all.

Starring: Uma Thurman, David Carradine, Lucy Liu, Vivica A. Fox, Daryl Hannah, Michael Madsen, Sonny Chiba, Gordon Liu

These movies...
are a must-see for any fan of martial arts/action movies. If nothing else the cast is pretty darn phenomenal.

“So, I suppose its a little late for an apology, huh?”


Zoku Zatouichi Monogatari
[The Tale of Zatoichi Continues]

Full-time masseur, part-time swordsman Zatoichi finds himself in a spot of deadly trouble when he accidentally learns a feudal lords secret.

Starring: Shintaro Katsu, Tomisaburo Wakayama, Yaeko Mizutani, Masayo Banri

This movie...
is not quite as good as a the first, but still a fun continuation of the storyline.

He must be Zatoichi.

No wonder he was so quick with the sword.

It was like lightning.

*   71.   *

Jack Reacher

An ex-military hobo is called upon to try and prove the innocence of a sniper.

Starring: Tom Cruise, Rosamund Pike, Richard Jenkins, David Oyelowo, Werner Herzog, Jai Courtney

This movie...
has everything you could want in an action movie, as long as what you want in an action movie doesnt involve more than one person of color and only 2 women.

“Look out the window. Tell me what you see. You see the same things that you see everyday. Well, imagine you’ve never seen it. Imagine you spent your whole life in other parts of the world, being told everyday that you’re defending freedom. Then you finally decide youve had enough. Time to see what you’ve given up your whole life for, everything. Get some of that ‘freedom’ for yourself. Look at the people. You tell me which ones are free. Free from debt. Anxiety. Stress. Fear. Failure. Indignity. Betrayal. How many wish that they were born knowing what they know now? Ask yourself how many would do things the same way over again, and how many would live their lives like me.”


Let’s Be Cops

Two loser friends discover the power that comes with pretending to be police officers and end up taking their act a little too far.

Starring: Jake Johnson, Damon Wayans Jr., Rob Riggle, Nina Dobrev, Keegan-Michael Key

This movie...
is not a brilliant piece of cinema by any stretch of the imagination, but I was watching it purely to get to see silly situations wherein Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans Jr. pretend to be cops. And *spoiler alert* that totally happens!

“I feel like Danny Glover before he got too old for this shit.”

*   73.   *

Easy A

A high schooler gets a reputation as a harlot, but manages to use it her to advantage and to help others. But trouble arises when her reputation gets out of her control.

Starring: Emma Stone, Amanda Bynes, Thomas Haden Church, Penn Badgley, Patricia Clarkson, Lisa Kudrow, Stanley Tucci

This movie...
gets a C in plot, but an A in acting and banter.

“I hope for your sake, God has a sense of humor.

“Oh, I have sixteen years worth of anecdotal proof that he does.”

*   74.   *

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

A bass-playing slacker find something to fight for when he meets the love of his life. But in order to win her heart hes first going to have to defeat her 7 evil exes.

Starring: Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Ellen Wong, Alison Pill, Mark Webber, Anna Kendrick, Brie Larson, Jason Schwartzman, Mae Whitman, Chris Evans, Aubrey Plaza

This movie...
is quite a lot of fun, but when you’ve read the comic it’s hard not to spend a lot of the movie thinking about how much better the comic is.

“Hey Jimmy, do they rock or suck?”

“They haven’t started playing yet...”

“That was a test Jimmy, and you passed.”


Wild Target

A professional hitman has a change of heart and tries to save his target.

Starring: Bill Nighy, Emily Blunt, Rupert Grint, Martin Freeman

This movie...
somehow manages to be mediocre even while having a fantastic cast. 

“You killed him!”

“I had to. He was going to kill you.”

“Oh. Okay.”


Man of Steel

An orphaned alien is raised by humans when his homeworld of Krypton is destroyed, but must come out of the shadows to defend his adopted home when it is threatened by Kryptonian fiends.

Starring: Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Russell Crowe

This movie...
is actually quite good at times. At other times? Kiiinda ridiculous. One might even say...Super ridiculous.

“People are afraid of what they don’t understand.”


They Came Together

Basically an ironic version of Youve Got Mail.

Starring: Paul Rudd, Amy Poehler, Bill Hader, Ellie Kemper

This movie...
is supposed to be a satire, but it lacks any of the subtlety that great satire has. It’s really just a rom-com wherein everybody makes a big point of constantly announcing every cliche they’re currently using and it makes the whole thing kind of insufferable.

“Your story really is like a corny movie.”

“I know! The only difference is it’s not a movie, it
s our real life...”

*   78.   *

National Treasure

Nicholas Cage goes around stealing historical artifacts and trying to prove that his family of historical conspiracy theorists werent all crazed psychos.

Starring: Nicholas Cage, Diane Kruger, Justin Bartha, Sean Bean, Jon Voight, Harvey Keitel

This movie...
is a movie about history, but cant go 5 minutes without a glaring historical faux pas.

“What led you to assume there’s this invisible map?”

“We found an engraving on the stem of a 200-year-old pipe.”

“Owned by the Free Masons.”

“May I see the pipe?”

“We don’t actually have it.”

“Did Bigfoot take it?”



A family moves into the old house their mother is going to restore as part of her job. However, things take a turn for the macabre when they learn that the house has a murderous past. 

Starring: Olivia Williams, Matthew Modine, Antonia Clark, Adam Thomas Wright

This movie...
is kind of reminiscent of The Shining, but, like, a kind of shitty The Shining.

“We’re going to enjoy ourselves, aren’t we?”



Kylie Bucknell has just been sentenced to 8 months house arrest under her mom’s roof. And as if being locked up in a house with her mom wasn’t scary enough, she’s starting to think the place might be haunted too.

Starring: Morgana OReilly, Rima Te Wiata, Cameron Rodes, Glen-Paul Waru, Ryan Lampp, Ross Harper

This movie...
is so freakin’ good! I love it.

“So, are you happy to proceed with the story that, Mr. McRandall was attacked by a ‘vengeful ghost?’”



*   81.   *

13 Going on 30

A rogue wish to be older sends a 13 year-old girl forward in time into the body of her 30 year old self. At first it’s a dream come true, but soon she realizes that the path that lead her to this life isn’t the path she should have chosen.

Starring: Jennifer Garner, Mark Ruffalo, Judy Greer, Andy Serkis

This movie...
is a guilty pleasure of mine. Its just so darn cute!

“Wait, listen to me. I’m 13!”

“If you’re going to start lying about your age Id go with 27.”


True Grit

After her father is murdered, 14-year-old Mattie Ross hires a notorious alcoholic marshall to escort her into the wilds and after the criminal.

Starring: John Wayne, Kim Darby, Glen Campbell, Robert Duvall, Jeff Corey

This movie...
is actually pretty fun. It’s not up to par with the 2010 Coen Brothers’ version, but it’s still a heck of a lot more entertaining than the book was.

“I mean to kill you in one minute, Ned. Or see you hanged in Fort Smith at Judge Parker’s convenience. Which’ll it be?”

“I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man.”

“Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!”

*   83.   *

An Extremely Goofy Movie

Goofy’s son Max goes to college and after getting fired from his job Goofy decides to go too!

Starring: Bill Farmer, Jason Marsden, Jim Cummings, Rob Paulsen, Pauly Shore, Jeff Bennett, Bebe Neuwirth, Vicki Lewis

This movie...
isn’t as good as the original, but it certainly does have its moments.

“P.J., isn’t ten hot dogs enough?”


Rosemary’s Baby

A woman gets pregnant and then finds herself surrounded by creepy-ass people acting super shady.

Starring: Mai Farrow, John Cassavates, Ruth Gordon, Sidney Blackmer, Maurice Evans, Ralph Bellamy

This movie...
is so. Friggin’. BORING! And when its not being boring its kind of fucked up. And not in a Spooky Horror-kind of way, but in a “What the hell is wrong with you, society in the 60s!?”-kind of way. There’s an honest to goodness part where the husband nonchalantly rapes his unconscious wife and they just play it off like it’s no big thing.

“ had me while I was out?”

“It was kind of fun in a necrophile kind of way.”



An alcoholic gets kidnapped and is imprisoned in a strange room, cut off from human contact. After 20 years he is released without anyone ever telling him why. Now he’s on the hunt to find out who did that to him and why.

Starring: Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Olsen, Sharlto Copley, Samuel L. Jackson

This movie...
definitely isn’t up to par with the South Korean version. And yet not nearly as bad as I was expecting.

“Hello? Hello?! Tell me why I’m in here. Look at me. No, no, no, no!”


The Book of Life

A man gets caught in a bet between the gods and dies. But in order to get back to the land of the living—and the woman he loves—he’ll have to beat Death at his own game.

Starring: Diego Luna, Zoe Saldana, Channing Tatum, Ron Perlman, Kate del Castillo

This movie...
is not only a movie focusing on Mexican culture, but was also directed/co-written by a Mexican, AND they refrained from white-washing the voice acting! Now if only other movies would take the hint and start showcasing some friggin’ diversity already.

“All of these families have lost someone, but as long as we remember them, we can feel their presence with us for one night each year.”



A man is imprisoned alone in a room for 15 years without any explanation as to why. When he is suddenly released he goes on a quest to find out who stole 15 years of his life and get revenge.

Starring: Choi Min-sik, Yoo Ji-tae, Kang Hye-jung, Oh Dal-su

This movie...
is one of those movies that everyone uses compares things to, but that cannot be compared with anything else.

“As expected, I can’t get along with anyone today either.”


9 to 5

3 female office workers join forces in order to teach their misogynistic boss a lesson.

Starring: Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Dolly Parton, Dabney Coleman

This movie...
is a female-lead buddy comedy from the 80s that deals with sexism in the workplace. Kind of makes you wonder if Hollywood has actually gotten less progressive over the years, dont you think?

“...this is the last straw! Look, I’ve got a gun out there in my purse. Up until now Ive been forgivin and forgettin because of the way I was brought up, but Ill tell you one thing. If you ever say another word about me or make another indecent proposal, Im gonna get that gun of mine, and Im gonna change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot! And dont think I cant do it.”



A eugenics experiment to create a perfect human being results in twins: one of them perfect, and one of them...not. Separated at birth the now adults finally meet each other and together try to find their mother.

Starring: Arnold Scwarzenegger, Danny Devito, Kelly Preston, Chloe Webb

This movie...
is no Junior, but it’s still pretty fun.

“This must...uh be where you made the milkshake.”

“We werent making milkshakes. We were making the most fully developed human the world has ever seen.”

“But instead of just one perfect kid, Mom had the two of us. Way to go, Mom.”

“Wrong. The embryo did split in two, but it didnt split equally. All the purity and strength went into Julius. All the crap that was left over went into what you see in the mirror every morning.”

“Wow, wow, wow...youre telling me that Im crap?”


Frances Ha

Frances and Sophie are two best friends/roommates. But when Sophie abandons Frances to go live with someone else, Frances is left alone to try and find a new place to live and subsequently to try and figure her life out.

Starring: Greta Gerwig, Mickey Sumner, Adam Driver, Michael Esper

This movie...
isnt perfect, but Im a real sucker for any movie about Shaun&Gus-level best friends.

“I’m so embarrassed.

I’m not a real person yet.”

*   91.   *

The Castle

An Australian family fights to save their home when the government threatens to claim it under eminent domain.

Starring: Michael Caton, Anne Tenney, Stephen Curry, Anthony Simcoe, Sophie Lee, Wayne Hope, Eric Bana, Tiriel Mora, Bud Tingwell

This movie...

“It’s the vibe of the thing, your Honour.”


Get Low

An infamous hermit holds a funeral for himself so her can hear what kind of stories people will tell about him. But really he’s the one with a story to share.

Starring: Robert Duvall, Billy Murray, Sissy Spacek, Lucas Black, Bill Cobbs

This movie...
wasn’t as good as I was hoping it would be.

“Mr. Bush, you can’t buy forgiveness. It’s free. But you do have to ask for it.”


Sleepless in Seattle

A woman’s heart is touched when she hears a man’s story on the radio and proceeds to essentially stalk him.

Starring: Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Ross Malinger, Bill Pullman, Rosie ODonnell, David Hyde Pierce

This movie...
is really fucked up! I cannot accurately put into words how creepy this movie is. It is far too messed up to even begin being romantic.

“Your destiny can be your doom.”

*   94.   *

Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amelie Poulain

A shy woman tries to break out of her shell by secretly helping the people in her life. But when she falls in love she’ll have to find the bravery to help herself.

Starring: Audrey Tautou, Mathieu Kassovitz, Rufus, Serge Merlin

This movie...
is one of my favorite movies of all time. It’s a true work of art.

“These are hard times for dreamers.”

*   95.   *

Hot Fuzz

A London cop proves to be too good at his job and is transferred to a quiet rural town in order to get him out of the way. But he quickly learns that things might not be as peaceful as he was led to believe.

Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Timothy Dalton, Jim Broadbent

This movie...
is a must-see for anyone who loves laughter and action.

“Hey, why can’t we say ‘accident,’ again?”

“Because ‘accident’ implies there’s nobody to blame.”



A beloved funeral director tries to befriend a cruel and cranky old woman, but ends up murdering accident?

Starring: Jack Black, Shirley MacLaine, Matthew McConaughey

This movie...
is really rather unusual.

“Well, trials are generally moved when the judge determines that the defendant can’t get a fair trial locally. And thats usually because the crime is so egregious and so well-known that everybody in the community has already convicted the poor soon of a bitch accused of it. But in all the years Ive been doing this for a living, I have never heard of the State seeking a change of venue because the defendant was so well-liked that they couldnt get a conviction.”

*   97.   *

The Rocketeer

A pilot finds a jetpack and tries to use it to be a hero, but inadvertently puts the people he cares about in danger from the group of nazis who want it back.

Starring: Billy Campbell, Jennifer Connelly, Alan Arkin, Timothy Dalton

This movie...
is everything you could want in a movie about a jetpacked hero who fights nazis.

“Jenny, prepare yourself for a shock: I’m the Rocketeer.”

“The Rocke-who?”

“Oh for crying out loud, haven’t you read the papers?”

“No, I’ve been working all day.”


Girl Most Likely

Imogene’s life is falling apart and in a desperate attention-seeking move she stages a suicide attempt. However, her plan goes horribly awry when her plan lands her in the protective care of her gambling-addict mother.

Starring: Kristen Wiig, Annette Bening, Darren Criss, Matt Dillon, Christopher Fitzgerald

This movie...
wasnt phenomenal or anything, but I cant say I wasnt thoroughly entertained. I think its definitely worth watching if youre a Kirsten Wiig fan.

“Mrs. Duncan, would you be willing to assume responsibility for your daughter?”

“Well, I have to be somewhere later.”

“The best thing for your daughter would be to be in the care of a loved one.”

“She said she loved me?”

“No, but we have more critical patients who need her bed.”


I am Big Bird:
The Carroll Spinney Story

A documentary about the life of the puppeteer who plays Big Bird.

Starring: Carol Spinney

This movie...
is a really sweet documentary. And quite interesting. I never knew that Carroll Spinney played both Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch! Also, the mechanics behind that Big Bird costume? Insane.

“Big bird (and Oscar) are two of the most famous characters on planet Earth, yet Carroll, people don’t know who he is.”



A psychiatrist begins working at the clinic his father, a renowned children’s author, was once interred at. While there he meets a man who was the inspiration for his father’s work and who hints that the stories weren’t made up.

Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Ian McKellen, Brittany Murphy, William Hurt, Nick Nolte

This movie...
never had a theatrical release and instead was released straight to DVD...and it shows.

“Of all the things one says and does, I look back on what never was.”