Valentines 2014

I just realized that I never made a post of all the Valentines I made this year! Ugh, I'm a terrible blogger. But better late than never, right?

Postcards: John Dies at the End

John Dies at the End is one of my absolute favorite books. Unfortunately it's not the greatest movie. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie (so much that I even bought it). However, it could have been better. A lot better.

They nailed the casting and the look and the feel of the book, but they messed up in terms of the story. If they skimmed over the Soy Sauce story-arc (which is the most memorable, but not the best suited for a movie plot) and concentrated more on the parts about Dave's lost time and Amy's role in the story, it would have been SUCH a cooler and creepier movie.

Anyways, the quote on the card is the opening line to both the movie and the book. The sad thing is that the movie pulled the entire storyline that shows the importance of the riddle! Ugh! What? Why?

It's still a fun movie though.

Postcards: Cabin in the Woods

Sure, there's a lot of memorable imagery in Cabin in the Woods, but we all know which scene we think of first.

Postcards: Holes

Trying to come up with an image for Holes is surprisingly tough. You could do a bunch of holes (which would be aesthetically lame), or you could do a yellow-spotted lizard (which just isn't Holesy enough), or Jon Voight looking crazy, or a scene from the movie (also not Holesy enough because it would just look like a bunch of kids in orange jumpsuits standing in the desert), or a corpse with a lipstick kiss on it, or maybe a joke about Dule Hill being in this movie before he became the star of Psych.

Anyways, you see my dilemma.

I'm actually pretty proud of the design I came up with though.

Or should I say...I really DIG it!

...oh...I definitely shouldn't say that? Oops.

Postcards: Evil Dead (2013)

A lot of people have been giving this movie flak, but whatever! I thought it was fun. Is it the best thing under the sun? No. But how can you not like a horror movie that is having so much fun with horror? Plus look at that face! How could you hate a face like that?

Postcards: Pocahontas

There are a lot of things that bother me about Disney's Pocahontas, but there's really only one thing that Visually bothers me: Pocahontas' nose. She doesn't have one! She just has little snake slits in her face. Remind you of anybody?

Clearly Pocahontas was a dark wizard. She was also probably a parselmouth. I mean, she talked with all the other animals, right? It's just the logical conclusion.

Postcards: Beauty & The Beast

No means No, amiright, People?

And wouldn't it have been a much more satisfying movie if at some point Belle had defended herself instead of putting up with Gaston's incredibly inappropriate attitude towards women? I mean, holy crap, I think we all got the sense that if Disney wasn't the puppeteer of this story Gaston would have tried to rape Belle. He saw women as objects to be won and couldn't conceive of a woman who wasn't interested in him. I mean, talk about creepy.

Everyone gets on The Beast's case because he was aggressive, blackmailed Belle's dad, and kind of kidnapped his daughter. But let's be realistic here: he'd been turned into a monster and has been talking to furniture for Lord knows how long. It's fair to assume that he's gone slightly insane and forgotten what does and does not constitute appropriate social interaction. So frankly I'm willing to cut him a break.

People love to hold up this movie as the unsettling example of a story that teaches girls that beastly men can be changed. I couldn't disagree more with that reading. The Beast was a snotty little rich kid who didn't know any better. Instead of teaching him empathy the witch unjustly confines him to solitary, which is the opposite of what he needed! He needed to be away from his family and around normal people; he needed to have the shit kicked out of him and have his heartbroken.

Their strange lens for the story doesn't hold up because 1) The Beast is socially incompetent not a douche like Gaston and 2) Belle doesn't fall for him and then try to change him. She doesn't even want to be around him when he's acting like a jerk. It's only after he starts seeing things from her point of view and trying to be a better person that she warms up to him and realizes that he's not a bad person: he's just a guy who got an incredibly raw deal, is rightly full of anger and resentment about it, and is trying (and succeeding) to be a  better person. She doesn't try to change him, he tries to change himself and she agrees to help him.

So there you go. I've obviously thought about this movie far too much.

Postcards: Silver Linings Playbook

The series continues!

This one got away from me as I was in a rush to get it finished on time, but whatever! It happens.


“I move onward: the only direction / Cant be scared to fail in the search of perfection / ...On to the next one.” 
—“On to the Next One”, Jay-Z

Postcards: Mama

I made a postcard to (hopefully) cheer someone up. If you've seen the movie Mama then this should ring a bell (hopefully). If you haven't seen it then (hopefully) you'll like it anyway! In either case this was the first movie I ever saw with them! Ahh...memories.

Anyways, I'm kind of shocked it turned out so well. I felt a little silly for drawing fanart for a movie like this, but who cares! Sure it's far from the best horror movie around, but— gal-darn-it—I kind of like it anyway. There is a lot of really interesting imagery at work in the film, plus I quite liked the characters. Okay, I also liked the whole premise as well as the ending. So whatever! Think of me what you will.

And you know what? I rather like what this drawing looked like in just Black&White, so I think I'll post that too!

Album Anagrams

I've only just realized that I've neglected to post the album art I did for the last couple mix CD's I made.

I hate going through all the trouble to carefully create a mix for someone just to write "Jesse's Mix" or "Happy Birthday" or whatever dumb thing on it. It's like making a homemade table then painting over the wood.

My standard move is to take the name of the person I made the mix for (or part of it at least) and make an interesting anagram out of it. Then all I have to do is just draw the imagery to match it. It makes the whole thing much more personal I think. Plus it lets me draw all sorts of weird stuff that I would have never normally thought of.




Seize the Kelp Barbarian

If I remember correctly I made this one in a bit of a sleep-deprived rush on December 23rd of some year or another. It was for my cousin and while I had arranged the mix in advance I waited until the last minute to deal with the rest. Like usual! Which is (of course) why this is a picture of it and not a scan of it like I would normally do.




A Fairer Prop Thigh

I made this one and I was really proud of it. Like super pleased with myself. But then I noticed that it could be viewed as a lamp and not as part of a mannequin like I meant it to be. I've also just realized that I forgot to sign it... *sigh*

Countdown to the End

Back in September my aunt was laid off from the job she's had  for quite some time. For some reason or another during her last days there she sent me the following text:

"hey! request: I need count down numbers from 10 through 1 for my last 2 weeks of work. starting Monday. Would you do this for me? quirky, fun, illustrations, whimsical, silly or whatever...a mixture of all and anything"

I've been pretty busy working 3 jobs and I don't have a lot of free time, but seeing as how she was losing the job she's had for so long, I couldn't really say no.

After bouncing around some ideas I kind of landed on a rather odd line: "as Death said Ten." I played around with the idea a bit until it led me to the final concept: each number would have a little rhyme ending in Death counting down, and the illustration of the rhyme would depict the shape of the number. I wasn't really sure I should take such a morbid view, but I figured while the character of Death might be a bit depressing, at least true to the moment. Things were ending, changing, and nothing depicts change and endings quite like Death.

I'm really not sure why, but I somehow managed to take a rather basic task and making it so much more complicated by adding a writing element, a design element, and an illustrative element...sometimes I think I must really hate myself, because why else would I do these things to myself?

Regardless, here's the countdown:

It was at this point that my aunt mentioned that they had let her leave a couple days early and thus what I was doing was no longer a countdown. And since it was no longer a countdown I immediately lost the fuel of urgency that had propelled me to make the rest. Before I might have wanted to read a book or watch a show, but I instead used my time to make these because they felt like they mattered. No to mention that there's nothing like a time limit to force you to push something out. But once I lost that aspect, then instead of completing them for my aunt, I would just be completing them for the novelty of a complete set. And, sadly, it probably says something about my character that I quit the project. But those are the breaks. I really don't have much free time these days and I generally need to use what time I do have to prevent myself from going crazy.

I am disappointed to leave it uncompleted, but without that original drive the ending notes just wouldn't be fitting.

Sketch-a-Day: Week 1

Last week I decided that I needed to draw more. But I'm a very lazy person and that tends to make things difficult. So I thought to myself, If I promise to post a picture a day on Facebook I can harness the power of peer pressure to force me to draw. But that just didn't seem like a promise I would keep. So to make things simpler I've just been posting quick sketches instead. That way I it still forces me to do some sketching everyday, but doesn't mean I have to obsess over them looking perfect. On a similar note, that's why I always sketch in pen. The second I have the option to erase things is the second I'll start to obsess over things looking perfect, which kind of defeats the purpose of sketching.

Anyways, I think I'm gonna try to keep this Sketch-a-Day thing going for a while. You can see them as they arrive every day on Facebook. Or you can just wait until next Sunday when I'll post the week's assembled batch. It's up to you!



1. Half-fish

This is my attempt at mocking an absolutely awful line from the movie Dark Shadows. The real line is terrible and deserves to be mocked by all.

2. Confused Pokemon

I like the idea of a Pokémon being confused in the normal sense of the word. "Now...what am I supposed to do again? Scratch...bubblebeam? Do I know how to bubblebeam?"

I was trying to draw the original Pokémon starters from memory, but I couldn't for the life of me remember what Charmander looked like. In my defence I've never in my life used used a Charmander. #1 Because Charmanders aren't nearly as cool as Squirtles and Bulbasaurs, and #2 Because Charizard sucks. Fire-Flying—in my Poké-pinion—is a really shitty type combo.

3. Rebellious Teen Adventure Time

It's Princess Bubblegum and the Earl of Lemongrab! This won't make any sense unless you're a fan of the show Adventure Time. But I am a fan...and I think this joke is brilliant...*toot toot*...that's my horn.

4. Dapper Greg

My friend Max created a character named "Dapper Greg" based on our broworker Greg. I figured I'd take a shot at interpreting the character.

5. Sparrow

I never draw birds. I am not very good at birds. I should probably try to draw more birds.

6. Tina Belcher

Tina is my favorite character on the amazing TV show Bob's Burgers. I should do a legit drawing of her sometime, because she's a fun character to draw.

7. Irresponsible Children

I drew this super quick because I wanted to read instead of draw today. TAKE THAT PRACTICE!

Where's My Slaw!

I've been talking to some people and the consensus seems to be that people want more drawings. I've got some comics nearing completion for you fine folks, but I can be quite lazy, so who knows when I'll finish. However, in the mean time here is a Facebook graffiti drawing to tide you over. If you don't understand it then you probably haven't seen "The Sad, Sad Tale of Chickenfoot" episode of Invader Zim.

Portrait Card: Charles Schulz

I've only got 2 more Lewis & Clara strips left and while I'd be able to get one of them done in time for today's post, I wouldn't be able to get them both done. For some reason I'd kind of like to post them together. So in the meantime here is a picture of Charles Schulz.
Part of my mission to improve means more drawings of real things. Eventually I'll be able to do them and not have the end result be all goofy-looking. For instance, the picture I was drawing from had him resting his head on his hand, mine ended up looking like he's on a cell phone...or enjoying a nice Q-tipping. Also, it turns out the card stock I have bleeds like crazy.

Anyways, I did this one as the front of a thank you note to my neighbor. I sent her a thank you note on a normal postcard last year, so I figured I had to up the ante a little bit by doing the art myself this time. I'll probably have to learn how to gold plate a postcard if she keeps helping me out.

Napkin Doodles

It'll still be a little bit before I finish up the newest batch of envelopes, so here's a napkin doodle to tide you over for now.

Okay back to work.

Recipe For ArtBlog

There is an inherent problem with confirmation. On one hand having someone back up your original inkling can be great. "Hey I was right? Awesome!" On the other hand it prevents you from using plausible deniability. "Hmm I wonder if I was getting a vibe from that cute waitress? Probably not. Oh well". Unfortunately both my cousin and my aunt were around after dinner to inform me that such a vibe was certainly there. However, finding these things out afterwards racks my brain with a bad case of the woulda-coulda-shouldas. Wikkawikka Poetic Remix! Oh waitress rare of features fair, has my thoughts in solitaire. A time so brief, yet by this thief, leaves my mind in disbelief. Alas! Allay! Perhaps to meet another day. Wikkawaaah.

A sily combination of pictures, poems, and moments from my awkward life. I do believe I've met any requirements there might be for a good artblog post. As that was my goal I shall bid you adieu.

Carolyn V.S. Cerberus

Here's a little facebook graffiti I drew today to tide you over while I'm without scanner. It is a theme continuation from the "Carolyn V.S. The Sphinx" one I did awhile back. I did it a lot faster and I think it looks a lot better. Perhaps I've improved a little.