Friday, November 27, 2015

Movie List 2015: 1-30

Genre Color Key

          =    Action
       =  Animated
       = Adventure
         =   Comedy
          =     Crime
                   =   Documentary
           =   Drama
          =   Fantasy
           =    Horror
       = Love Story
          =   Musical
           =     Sci-Fi
           =     Sports

* = rewatched
Title = I really regret watching this



A young man travels to a magical realm in order to kidnap a star to give as a present to the woman he's infatuated with. Meanwhile witches want to kidnap the star in order to eat it. Oh, and some aristocrats want to kidnap the star because the newly dead king left a will that reads like a scavenger hunt.

Starring: Claire Danes, Charlie Cox, Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert De Niro

This movie...
kind of made me wonder why the filmmakers thought that a man kidnapping a lady in order to give her to another lady was a romantic premise. There’s some great performances in it though.

“A philosopher once asked, ‘Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?’ Pointless, really... ‘Do the stars gaze back?’ Now that’s a question.”


An Ideal Husband

A cinematic adaptation of Oscar Wilde’s classic play of love and comedic misunderstandings.

Starring: Rupert Everett, Minnie Driver, Cate Blanchett, Julianne Moore, Ben Pullen

This movie...
wasn’t necessarily as romantic as one would like, but it does have great banter and some really fun characters. It also has Minnie Driver who, if you ask me, isn’t in nearly enough movies.

“Gertrude, it is not the perfect, but rather the imperfect who have need of love.”

“You seem to know a great deal about it all of a sudden.”

“Oh, I hope not. All I know, Gertrude, is that it takes great courage to see the world in all its tainted glory, and still to love it. And even more courage to see it in the one you love. Gertrude, you have more courage than any woman I have ever known. Do not be afraid now to use it.”

*   3.   *

Rumble in the Bronx

Jackie Chan comes to NYC for a wedding, but while attempting to protect his uncle’s supermarket he runs afoul of both a local gang and a crime syndicate.

Starring: Jackie Chan

This movie...
is not only my favorite Jackie Chan movie, but also one of my favorite action movies of all time. Its just so much fun!

“Don’t let the situation change you. Change it.”


In a World
A female voice actor tries to break up the boys’ club of her profession.

Starring: Lake Bell, Michaela Watkins, Rob Corddry, Fred Melamed, Ken Marino

This Movie...
is overall pretty fun, but it felt a little mean-spirited at times.

“I’m not going to have an argument about whether we’re having a goddamn argument or not, right?”

“But that’s the only argument I know how to have.”


A Long Way Down

4 strangers meet on the roof of a skyscraper when they all go up there to commit suicide, but instead inadvertently create a support group for themselves.

Starring: Pierce Brosnan, Toni Collette, Imogen Poots, Aaron Paul

This Movie...
is such a weird movie and I’m glad I saw it, but I probably wouldn’t recommend it?

“However much I do change, I’m left with me.”


The Joneses

A company hires actors to pretend to be a family, infiltrate the neighborhood, and subtly advertise their fancy lifestyle/goods. Things don’t go according to plan.

Starring: David Duchovny, Demi Moore, Gary Cole, Glenne Headly

This movie...
is rather contrived and nothing in it makes very much real-world sense.

“I want you to come join me in the real world.”

“This is my real world.”

*   7.   *

A True Underdog Story

A group of lovable losers try to save their gym by entering a dodgeball tournament.

Starring: Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Christine Taylor, Stephen Root, Rip Torn, Alan Tudyk, Justin Long

This movie...
is just so stupidly fun that I can’t help but love it.

“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.”

*   8.   *

Fantasia 2000

Disney once again takes up the challenge of Fantasia: to put classical music on the screen by animating a story to go along with the music.

Starring: Ludwig van Beethoven, Ottorino Respighi, George Gershwin, Dmitri Shostakovich, Camille Saint-Saens, Paul Dukas, Edward Elgar, Igor Stravinsky

This movie...
is soooo much better than my memory was giving it credit for. I really wish Disney would make more Fantasias.


Big Eyes

A dramatization of the life of famous artist Margaret Keane and how her husband who attempted to take credit for her work.

Starring: Amy Adams, Christoph Waltz

This movie...
suffers from its cinematography not matching its content. But is a must-see for any Christoph Waltz fan, because his performance is so bizarrely entertaining.

“Why are their eyes so big?”

“Eyes are the windows to the soul.”


The Imitation Game

The story of how Alan Turing, the famous British computer scientist, figured out how to break Hitler’s unbreakable enigma codes via an electromechanical machine, but was punished by his government when they found out he was gay.

Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Kera Knightley, Charles Dance

This movie...
is pretty entertaining. Although it’s definitely one of those historical movies where basically every character is a white guy.

“Sometimes it’s the very people who no one imagines anything of who do the things no one can imagine.”

*   11.   *

Grosse Pointe Blank

An assassin returns home to attend his high school reunion and possibly reignite an old flame. However, this is made difficult when a rival puts a hit out on him.

Starring: John Cusack, Minnie Driver, Joan Cusack, Alan Arkin, Dan Aykroyd, Hank Azaria, Jeremy Piven

This movie...
was watched because after An Ideal Husband I was in the mood for some more Minnie Driver. Why isn’t Minnie Driver in more movies?

“How come you never learned that it was wrong? That there are certain things you do not do, you do not do in a civilized society?”

“Which civilizations are we talking about?”

“Oh, shut up!”

“I mean, history-”

“Shut up!”

*   12.   *

The Road to El Dorado

Two friends—and fellow swindlers—journey to a fabled city of gold. But when they’re mistaken for Gods they’re torn between riches and morality.

Starring: Kevin Kline, Kenneth Branagh, Rosie Perez, Jim Cummings, Edward James Olmos, Armand Assante

This movie...
is much better than I remembered. It also has a lot more hidden adult jokes than I remembered too. The Kline, Branagh, Perez combo is pretty much amazing.

“Apparently, El Dorado is native for Great. Big. ROCK!
Hey, but I tell you what. I’m feeling generous, so you can have my share!”

“Tulio, you don’t think, Cortes could’ve gotten here before us and, and-”

“And what? Taken all the really big rocks? The scoundrel!”

*   13.   *

The Secret of NIMH

A widowed field mouse must request aide from the mysterious super-intelligent rats of NIMH in order to save her youngest son’s life.

Starring: Elizabeth Hartman, Dom DeLuise, Derek Jacobi, Wil Wheaton

This movie...
changed Mrs. Frisby’s name to Mrs. Brisby and I spent most of the movie wondering if I was going crazy.

“We can no longer live as rats.
We know too much.”

*   14.   *

Django Unchained

A freed slave and a German bounty hunter hunt down villainous outlaws. One for the money, and the other as a means to rescue his wife.

Starring: Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kerry Washington, Samuel L. Jackson

This movie...
is chalk full of violence, great acting, and style.

“How do you like the bounty hunting business?”

“Kill white people and get paid for it? What’s not to like?”

*   15.   *


After the Huns invade China a call goes out that one man from every family must join the emperor’s army to defend their homeland. In order to save her elderly father, Fa Mulan dresses up as a man and takes her father’s place.

Starring: Ming-Na Wen / Lea Salonga, B.D. Wong / Donny Osmond, Eddie Murphy, Pat Morita, James Hong

This movie...
wins my award for having the best songs of any Disney movie. Also, were you aware that Jackie Chan does the voice of Shang in the Chinese dub!? Because he did and it is amazing.

“My little baby, off to destroy people.”



A young man is forced to move in with his mother’s family in a small town. However, when he discovers that the town has outlawed dancing, he’s forced to stir things up.

Starring: Kevin Bacon, Lori Singer, John Lithgow, Dianne West

This movie...
is a great example of what makes 80s movies so much fun. They’re like a marching band in a parade that keep accidentally marching off course and mistakenly heading down alleys and then trying to loop around back to the group while stoically pretending that they meant to do that all along.

“Doesn’t take long for corruption to take root, Reverend.”

“And how long is that, Roger? About as long as it takes for compassion to die?”



A man accused of murdering the love of his life is horrified to discover horns growing on his head. If that wasn’t bad enough the horns are causing people to divulge their sins to him whether he likes it or not. But will this newfound curse enable him to find the real murderer and clear his name?

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Juno Temple, Max Minghella

This movie...
is no where near as good as the book and you should under no circumstances watch it before you’ve read the book! Okay? Okay.

“People say you should always do the right thing, but sometimes there is no right thing. And then you just have to pick the sin you can live with.”

*   18.   *

Back to the Future

An eccentric inventor inadvertently causes his young assistant to travel 30 years back in time in a time-traveling Delorean and...well let’s put it this way: Going back in time and meeting your parents? Not a good idea.

Starring: Michael J. Fox, Christopher Lloyd, Lea Thompson, Crispin Glover, Claudia Wells

This movie...
is a genius piece of filmmaking and is thoroughly deserving of its iconic status.

“If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour... you’re gonna see some serious shit.”


Paperback Hero

A truck driver in Australia writes a romance novel and puts his best friend’s name on it so as to preserve his reputation. But things get tricky when a big-time publisher comes to town with an offer to publish her book...which is to say, his book.

Starring: Hugh Jackman, Claudia Karvan

This movie...
is Hugh Jackman’s first movie! Or possibly a closeclose 2nd. Either way! If you like romantic comedies it is definitely worth watching.

“I’ve written a book.”

“What kind of book?”

“A novel. Anyway, it’s got your name on it.”

“What? A book with me in it?”

“No, a book with your name on it, like on the cover.”

“Like I wrote it?”


“Why didn’t you put your name on it?”

“It’s’s a...a romance novel.”


Ella Enchanted

A fairy godmother’s gift goes wrong and accidentally curses a young girl to have to do whatever she’s told. When her evil stepmother and sisters push her too far she runs away from home in the hopes of finding a cure.

Starring: Anne Hathaway, Hugh Dancy, Eric Idle, Cary Elwes, Minnie Driver, Vivica A. Fox

This movie...
is really quite stupid. Especially if you’re an adult. Its one saving grace is that there are more big names in it than it has any right to.

“Look, I think it’s only fair to warn you that I’m practiced in the ancient art... of origami!”

“Paper folding?”

“Oh... I was hoping you wouldn’t know what that was.”



A simple keyboardist gets roped into a strange band led by an enigmatic figure known as Frank who constantly wears a giant prosthetic head.

Starring: Michael Fassbender, Domhnall Gleeson, Maggie Gyllenhaal

This movie...
starts out as a comedy, but then suddenly becomes a drama...which kind of makes you feel really bad for laughing at the earlier bits.

“But your head is still sort of intimidating.”

“Well, underneath it I’m giving you a welcoming smile. Would it help if I said my facial expressions out loud?”

“Well... maybe.”

“Welcoming smile.”


Young Adult

A YA novelist returns to her hometown to try and woo her old high-school boyfriend away from his wife in a vain effort to prove to herself that the life she’s created isn’t as bad as it seems.

Starring: Charlize Theron, Patton Oswalt, Patrick Wilson, Elisabeth Reaser

This movie...
is really quite odd and I’m not really sure what it was trying to get across. But Charlize Theron’s performance is great. And it takes place in Minnesota, which always pleases me.

“Sometimes in order to heal a few people have to get hurt.”

*   23.   *

Lilo & Stitch

Nani and Lilo are two sisters who are struggling to create a home together after their parents die. Their efforts become all the more challenging when an alien experiment designated 626 crash lands on the Hawaiian island they call home and takes shelter with them to avoid recapture.

Starring: Daveigh Chase, Tia Carrere, Ving Rhames, Kevin McDonald, Kevin Michael Richard

This movie...
is so charming, and twisted, and heart warming, and perfect, and it is just the greatest thing.

“We’re a broken family, aren’t we?”

“No... Maybe, a little. Maybe a lot.”

*   24.   *

Much Ado About Nothing

Former lovers Beatrice and Benedict delight in throwing shade at one another, but their friends are plotting to turn their mountain of wraith into a mountain of affection.

Starring: Amy Acker, Alexis Denisof, Nathan Fillion, Clark Gregg, Reed Diamond, Fran Kranz, Jillian Morgese

This movie...
might not be great to a hardcore Shakespeare fan, but who cares, because I really love it! I had never seen the appeal of Shakespeare before I saw this movie.

“But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted; and I would I could find it in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none.”

“A dear happiness to women!”

*   25.   *

10 Things I Hate About You

There’s a rule in the Stratford family wherein Bianca isn’t allowed to date anyone until her older sister Kat starts dating, and Kat has absolutely no desire to do that. So in order to date Bianca a boy at school must find someone to try and seduce Kat and the only one crazy enough to do that is the school’s resident delinquent.

Starring: Julia Stiles, Heath Ledger, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Larisa Oleynik, David Krumholtz, Andrew Keegan

This movie...
is so delightfully 90s. And you gotta respect a romcom that repeatedly calls out some of the crazy sexist shit in our society.

“Was that a yes?”


“Well, then, was that a no?”



Hunger Games:
Catching Fire

In the dystopian land of Panem a boy and girl from each of the 12 districts are selected to compete in a televised battle to the death. After winning the previous year’s games Katniss Everdeen is forced to return to the games when the President declares that this year will feature past winners from each district.

Starring: Jennifer Lawrence, Donald Sutherland, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth, Woody Harrelson

This movie...
was on Netflix and I was bored, okay! Don’t you judge me. Admittedly, it’s pretty entertaining in a great-movie-to-not-have-to-pay-full-attention-to kind of way.

“See, Katniss, the way the whole ‘friend’ thing works is you have to tell each other the deep stuff.”

“The deep stuff?”


“Uh-oh. Like what?”

“Like, uh... what’s your favorite color?”

“Well, now you’ve stepped over the line.”


Anchorman 2:
The Legend Continues

Newsman Ron Burgundy loses his job as a news anchor and spirals into a depression, but when he’s given a shot to work for the world’s first 24-hour news station his exploitative tactics threaten to change the face of the news forever.

Starring: Will Ferrell, Christina Applegate, James Marsden, Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, David Koechner

This movie...
is nowhere near as good as the original was and really very forgettable. It’s kind of like a movie long Fox news joke.

“The Tooth Fairy’s exposed breast made the child uncomfortable.”


Mr. Peabody & Sherman

A genius inventor named Mr. Peabody—who just so happens to be a dog—and his boy Sherman accidentally create a rift in time when their time-traveling escapes go awry.

Starring: Ty Burrell, Max Charles, Ariel Winter, Allison Janney

This movie...
is the kind of movie you can see why a kid would have fun watching, but you just spend most of it wishing you were watching Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure instead.

“Sherman, I came back in time to make sure that you don’t touch yourself!”

*    29.   *

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure

Two high school friends go back in time to collect historical figures in order to try and pass their history class.

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter, George Carlin

This movie...
is so stupid, but brilliantly so.

“Four score and...7 minutes ago, we, your forefathers, were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure. Conceived by our new friends Bill and Ted. These two great gentleman are dedicated to a proposition which was true in my time, just as it’s true today: Be Excellent to each other. And PARTY ON, DUDES!”



Supermarket mascots come to life when the lights go out, but an evil group known as Brand X seeks to upset the harmony of the local supermarket.

Starring: Charlie Sheen, Hilary Duff, Wayne Brady, Eva Longoria, Christopher Lloyd

This movie...
should only be watched if, like me, you have some animator friends there to watch it with you. Their confused bewilderment at this thing was the only redeeming aspect of it. It is just the absolute worst animated movie you have ever seen and it will leave you constantly wondering how on Earth it was ever made...and more importantly WHY?

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a spam.”