The New Pornography -or- In Defense of Monogamy

I’ve invented a new form of pornography.

We all know how traditional porn works: it’s just naked naked naked, skin skin skin. Nothing but nudity. After a while you’ve seen so much epidermis that everything begins to lose context. Breasts lose their shapely resplendence and their capital b to become breasts. Just breasts. Like a carriage returning to a pumpkin, they lose their magic and revert back to what they are: mammary glands. Sure they still come in a variety of sizes and shapes and colors, but what’s the point?

The same thing happens to every part of the body. From the mysterious feel of the privates to the elegant elongation of the limbs. After seeing too many they lose their grandeur and you begin to feel like a doctor who’s just going through the motions. And this process isn’t limited to specifics, but to the full figure as well. The thrilling beauty of a bare body is soon lost. Just as breasts lose the magic of their individuality, so do the people. No longer people, in fact, but simply images of people: more akin to objects than individuals.

But not anymore.

The answer is so simple it's obvious after you’ve considered it. We simply do away with the mountains of mammaries, the volumes of vaginas, and the profusion of penises. We narrow our focus. We go from the panorama of an establishing shot and zoom in for a tight close up. We focus in on the individual.

Not just any individual, no, that would be too easy; nothing but a case study. The key lies in exposing yourself (no, not in that way...just yet). Gone is the way of unintimate anonymity. Replaced instead with familiarity. Why leer at pages of strangers when you can find an individual who actually knows you. Not only knows you, but likes you! Loves you even! Imagine it!

The moonlight isn’t subtly framing just any breasts in pale moonlight; they’re gently illuminating Her breasts. That goofy looking dong isn’t just any dong, that’s His dong! If you were to lose yourself in their body you’d be able to find your way by the familiar constellations of freckles that dot the landscape. Round the tattoo she regrets but that you secretly find endearing, left at the scar from where he fell off his bike, make a stop at those laugh lines for the scenic outlook of their smile.

Yet some naysayers are surely saying, “You are mistaken, good sir! Why, limiting yourself to only one individual would be a great bore. It would be like limiting yourself to looking at one painting for the rest of your life.”

But oh ho ho, dear reader, for that is where they are mistaken! A person is not a painting. A painting is only good for looking at, but a person is good for so much more. A person evolves. Each part of their body is constantly changing, stories and memories attach and detach to every piece creating a flowing tapestry that only you will have the experience and expertise to decipher.

Now there’s a multimedia experience that is sure to put any other to shame.

And yet, while this type of pornography I’ve invented is extraordinary, it is also fragile. One wrong move could potentially ruin everything. But that doesn’t mean you can no longer engage in art appreciation. For if you feel the need to take in a few painting or some artistic photography, just be sure to follow museum rules: look, don’t touch, no loud noises, be respectful, go home when you’re done.