31 Days of Spooky Films: 2014

October, as some of you already know, is the greatest month.

Fall is in full-swing, cider is plentiful, and HORROR is openly embraced by the populace. Last year I decided to celebrate this wonderful month by watching a spooky movie on every one of its 31 days. These are those movies! I originally did each one as its own post on the blog’s Facebook page, but I figured I should put them all here for convenience sake.

Everyone has different limits when it comes to scary movies, so soon after I started I decided to separate Scariness and Goriness into their own respective ratings. Fear Factor ratings are how scary a movie I (personally) found it to be and the Gore Factor goes into how gory the movie got. For a detailed rundown of what my ratings mean exactly skip down to the bottom of the post where I’ve got guides that explain.

Hopefully my pointless personal challenge will end up giving you some good ideas of what to watch (or perhaps what NOT to watch) this Halloween season.

#1

Invaders From Mars

(1986)

A little boy is all that stands between his hometown and the brain-controlling aliens who’ve come for our...copper?

Fear Factor:
1/5 Pennies

Should you watch it?:

Only if you enjoy super cheesy sci-fi. And only if you have some friends over and are prepared to get your MST3K on, because there is just so much to make fun of.

#2

Goemul

[The Host]

(2006)

A South Korean monster movie about a dysfunctional family that must band together when their youngest is abducted by a monster.

Fear Factor: 

2.5 / 5 Bottles of Formalin

Gore Factor: 

2 / 5 Gizzards

Should you watch it?:

Most Definitely! This is one of my favorite monster movies. It’s directed by the always brilliant Bong Joon-ho and it has everything a person could want in a movie. There are thrills, chills, laughs, surprises, action, monsters, and so much more!

#3

Doghouse

(2009)

A British movie about a group of sexist assholes decide to take their newly divorced friend on a vacation to a small town full of ladies in order to drink and forget his problems. However, it turns out a virus has infected the town that has turned all the women into man-hating zombies.

Fear Factor:

1.5 / 5 Sexist pricks

Gore Factor:

1.5 / 5 Dismembered morons

Should you watch it?:

Not unless you want tangible proof that men are horrible . This was probably the most overtly misogynistic movie I’ve ever seen.

#4

Scream

(1996)

On the anniversary of her mother’s murder a high school girl is being stalked by a masked killer in this meta-horror movie from Wes Craven.

Fear Factor:

2.5 / 5 Fonzies

Gore Factor:

1.5 / 5 Lacerations

Should you watch it?:

If you’re a fan of horror movies then you really need to see Scream. Its meta look at horror is extremely fun. Sure there’s one scene that I really, really hate, but the rest of it is pretty great. While it’s not all that scary in itself, it has still managed to make me nervous to be in houses with too many glass doors and windows.

#5

John Dies at the End

(2012)

After coming into contact with a strange drug known only as “Soy Sauce,” two friends are thrust into the world of the dangerously paranormal. Now it’s up to them to the rest of us from the horrors they see.

Fear Factor:

2/5 Meat Monsters

Gore Factor:

3/5 Living Hives

Should you see it?:

If you’ve read the book, then YES. While the book is a million times greater, the movie is definitely an interesting take on the 1/3 of the book it does depicts. However, if you haven’t read the book? Then I’d recommend not watching it until you have. The book (which is one of my all-time favorites, by the way) is a very fun, very intricate, and offbeat kind of story. The movie makers had to leave a lot of the book out and they chose to tell the most iconic parts, instead of the heavier story driven sections. So if you’ve read the book you can fill in the blanks yourself. But if you haven’t? Well, then I think you’d just end up rather confused.

#6

Night of the Living Dead

(1968)

The great grandpappy of the Zombie genre. A tale of reanimated corpses trying to eat the flesh of the living and of the living who really would prefer that they didn’t.

Fear Factor: 

2 / 5 Barbaras

Gore Factor:

2 / 5 Meaty bits

Should you see it?:

Yes, of course you should! It’s the film that changed the face of horror and created a new standard in the horror playbook. That alone Plus Ben is one of my favorite Zombie movie characters ever.

#7

Noroi

[The Curse]

(2005)

A Japanese faux-documentary about a series of interconnected paranormal incidents centered around an ancient entity known as Kagutaba.

Fear Factor:

2.5 / 5 Spells

Gore:

2 / 5 Dead pigeons

Should you watch it?:

I’m not sure. Maybe? It’s a weird one. I’ve never seen a Blair Witch-style horror movie out of Japan before. I found the plot to be rather interesting and some of the ideas they’re dealing with are quite creepy (the idea of possession and such always creeps me out). But the movie can be quite slow and dragging at times. So I’m not sure I’d recommend it per se, but if you’ve been looking for something off the beaten path then I think you’ll find it pretty interesting.

#8

Shrooms

(2007)

A bunch of American idiots go all the way to Ireland solely to eat psychedelic mushrooms and then trip out and get murdered and stuff.

Fear Factor:

1.5 / 5 Mushrooms

Gore Factor:

2 / 5 Cows

Should you watch it?:

Ugh. Not unless you hate yourself. This movie is not only Not Scary, but it’s also dull. So very, very dull. I disliked this movie so much I feel obliged to make it up to you all by going and watching another Horror movie for you.

#8.B

Children of the Corn

(1984)

A group of kids murder all the adults in their small town and take over. Oh, and then some adults come to town and then Stephen King just said “fuck it,” took some drugs, and just made some shit up (presumably).

Fear Factor:

1 / 5 Stalks of Corn

Gore Factor:

1.5 / 5 Lines of super fake blood

Should you watch it?:

I felt bad about the other movie being so terrible, that I went and watched this one to hopefully make up for it. I picked it because it was a classic that I had never seen. But damn. I can’t in good faith recommend this thing. It is so impossibly dumb. What on Earth is the deal with Stephen King and his compulsion to take a scary premise (like kids in a small town murdering the adults) and then dumbing everything down and adding all kinds of superfluous supernatural shit to it? This movie is just so hopelessly amateur. I’m amazed it has so many sequels. Guess what’s not scary, Stephen King...CORN! Corn is very much not scary. You might as well write have written Children of the Oatmeal.

#9

Phantasm

(1979)

A boy and his brother investigate mysterious goings-on at the local cemetery.

Fear Factor:

1 / 5 Tall people

Gore Factor:

1.5 / 5 Orbs

Should you watch it?:

No. This was another movie I’ve always heard about, but never seen. But ugh. Probably the most boring Horror movie I’ve ever seen. I’d say 3/4 of it is super boring and 1/4 just plain doesn’t make any sense. It made Shrooms seem fascinating in comparison. So, no, don’t watch it.

#10

30 Days of Night

(2007)

In a remote town in Alaska the sun has just set and won’t rise again for 30 days. As darkness set across the town so does a pack of vampiristic monsters. Without the sun to keep them at bay, who will?

Fear Factor:

3.5 / 5 Hartnetts

Gore Factor:

3.5 / 5 Decapitations

Should you watch it?:

Definitely. This movie wins my award for best Horror premise ever. Plus it has one of my favorite characters in a horror movie (Eben). And it actually did justice to the brilliant graphic novel it was based on. Not only does it creep me out and have me on edge throughout the whole thing, but it also has such tremendous characters. So few Horror movies are so adept at making you care about all the characters.

#11

Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil

(2010)

A Horror/Comedy that spoofs Slasher movies and all the usual cliches are turned on their head. Tucker and Dale are pair of backwoods best friends who are off to fix up the vacation cabin they just bought, but when a group of camping college kids accidentally mistake them for murderous hillbillies things start to go from bad to worse for Tucker & Dale.

Fear Factor:

1.5 / 5 College Kids

Gore Factor:

2.8 / 5 Impalings

Should you watch it?:

If you like Horror movies and you like to laugh, then yes. Yes you should most definitely watch this. The way it pokes fun at the cliches of the genre is hilarious and Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine make such a wonderful duo.

#12

Ernest Scared Stupid

(1991)

Kindly doofus Ernest P. Worrell accidentally unleashes a child-stealing Troll upon his town. Now it’s up to him and the local kids to save the day.

Fear Factor:

1.5 / 5 Trantors

Gore Factor:

1.5 / 5 Mucus strands

Should you watch it?:

While I have a deep nostalgic love for Ernest, I’m not sure if anyone who didn’t grow up with him will see the appeal. However, for all the doofy stuff in this movie, there’s a lot of clever stuff at work too. It’s like a training-wheels Horror movie for kids: all the usual monster movie scares are there, but they’re just toned down enough to not frighten little Suzie into a coma. Although I must say those darn trolls really are surprisingly well done and really quite creepy looking. They definitely spooked me a bit as a kid. Jim Varney is always a delight and Eartha Kitt is in it too! I have no idea how they got her, but she’s pretty great.

#13

Død Snø

[Dead Snow]

(2009)

A group of Norwegian med students decide to take an Easter vacation to a cabin in the mountains. But unfortunately for them the mountain is home to a group of gold-hungry long-dead Nazis.

Fear Factor:

1.5 / 5 Nazis

Gore Factor:

4 / 5 Entrails

Should you watch it?:

If you like Zombie movies I think you’ll have fun watching this one. It’s pretty darn ridiculous and has a lot of fun with the Zombie genre. Not to mention it’s oddly hilarious watching Norway’s take on American horror. However, if you’re not a big zombie geek I think you can safely pass on this one. It’s not really scary. Just gory and ridiculous.

#14

Haunter

(2013)

A teenage girl finds herself trapped in a strange looping spirit world and realizes that she’s not the only one. An evil force has trapped them there and now she’s going to have to figure out how to break through the barriers and set things right.

Fear Factor:

2.2 / 5 Murder She Wrotes

Gore Factor:

1/ 5 Clarinets

Should you watch it?:

I’m going to go with...Yes. It’s not really scary, but it’s extremely interesting. It has a lot more substance than the majority of Horror movies do. Not to mention it’s just rather oddly enjoyable watching Abigail Breslin & Stephen McHattie square off against one another.

#15

Hellraiser

(1987)

Trying to succinctly sum up this movie’s plot is basically impossible. So let's just say that it's about a bodiless d-bag and the gang of sadomasochistic demons who want him back.

Fear Factor:

3 / 5 Pinheads

Gore Factor:

4.2 / 5 “Get that the F away from me”s

Should you watch it?:

If you like 80s practical effects or classic 80s-era Horror: Yes. Otherwise: No.

I mean, it’s truly a testament to Clive Barker’s skill that this movie is as freaky as it is, because by all rights it shouldn’t be. It has one of the weirdest and loosely constructed plots I’ve ever seen, the effects are now rather dated, and there’s so much in here that just doesn’t make much (if any) sense. And yet for all its over-the-top madness it still manages to be rather freaky. Oh, and I should note that if it wasn’t for the fact that the effects in this movie are 27 years past their prime (and thus not as realistic as they used to be) I’d have given this one a solid 5/5 on the gore scale. This movie has so much 80s gore...so much.

#16

Coraline

(2009)

A young girl’s wish for a better life comes true when she discovers a secret door to a world of wonders made just for her. But she soon discovers that things are not always what they appear and her very soul is in jeopardy.

Fear Factor:

1 / 5 Gaimans

Gore Factor:

0.3 / 5 Buttons

Should you watch it?:

Perhaps not if you’re in the mood to be scared stiff, but otherwise Most Definitely! It’s based on the book by the master of the modern fairy tale, Mr. Neil Gaiman. It features such voice actors as Keith David, John Hodgman, and Dakota Fanning. It was directed by Henry Selick (aka the director of Nightmare Before Christmas). And to top it all off it’s animated by the always ambitious stop-motion people at Laika! It’s not really scary per se, but it’s certainly a story full of eerie images and spooky happenings. And after all, in a way, aren’t fairy tales the original horror stories?

#17

Army of Darkness

(1992)

A sequel to Evil Dead 2 wherein Ash gets thrown through time and ends up in the medieval era. Now in order to get back to his proper time he’s going to have to find that pesky necromonicon and defeat an...Army of Darkness!

Fear Factor:

1 / 5 Chins

Gore Factor:

1.5 / 5 Chainsaws

Should you watch it?:

Yes. Just be sure to go in expecting a funny movie and not a scary one.

“Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?”

“Nope. Just me baby... Just me.”

#18

C.H.U.D.

(1984)

Government incompetence has turned homeless people into mutant cannibals.

Fear Factor:
1.5 / 5 Government suits

Gore Factor:
2 / 5 Bite marks

Should you watch it?:

Yes. You should assemble your friends, grab some drinks, and watch some C.H.U.D.

“Are you kidding? Your guy’s got a camera. Mine’s got a flamethrower.”

#19

28 Days Later

(2002)

A lab-developed rabies-inspired “rage virus” is inadvertently let loose upon the populace of England. 28 days after its initial release a man awakens from a coma to find himself in an abandoned hospital. As he tries to figure out what happened he finds the world is not the one he remembered. The survivors now find themselves in a constant fight against the infected, against infection, and even against themselves.

Fear Factor:

2.5 / 5 Viruses

Gore Factor:

3.5 / 5 Blood geysers

Should you watch it?:

Hell yes. 28 Days Later inspired a whole new sub-section of the Zombie genre and is a pretty interesting apocalyptic scenario. What’s more, it has tons of those quiet moments that really make zombie movies great. Those ones where they take a break, develop the characters, and give you a glimpse of the ramifications this scenario is having on the world. Then just when you let down your guard...

Oh and did I mention that friggin’ Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, and Christopher Eccleston are the stars?!

“That was more than a heartbeat.”

#20

Mimic

(1997)

An insect chimera known as the Judas Brood was designed to destroy the cockroach population of New York City in an effort to curb the primary disease vector for a new sickness that threatened to wipe out an entire generation of children. But 3 years after its successful deployment the chimera’s creators realize that it hadn’t died out like it was supposed to. And now it’s evolved into something quite deadly.

Fear Factor:

2 / 5 Bugs

Gore Factor:

2 / 5 Egg Sacs

Should you watch it?:

Umm...it depends on if you’re interested in Entomology/Epidemiology. The movie isn’t very scary, but it does deal with a number of interesting ideas. For instance, is the use of human-made organisms to combat natural problems is a good idea? Plus the whole thing is surprisingly more scientifically accurate than I was expecting. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s all ridiculous, but they actually do cover their science butts quite a lot more than your average horror movie does. They actually deal with things like: the creature having developed lungs (which explains how they could be so big), how insects are highly pheromone based in their senses, adaptive mimicry, and so on.

“So you think your little ‘Frankenstein’ has gotten the better of you?”

#21

The Blair Witch Project

(1999)

A found-footage style horror movie about a group of 3 filmmakers who journey into the woods to make a documentary about a local witch legend.

Fear Factor:

2.2 / 5 Piles of rocks

Gore Factor:

1 / 5 Bloody shirts

Should you watch it?:

Sure, why not. I mean, it’s had a fairly large impact after all. It’s actually a pretty impressive movie if you look at how cheaply they made it for. I can’t really say it’s super scary though. If anything it makes me more scared to get lost in the woods more than it does of being attacked by witches in the woods. I’d say it’s about as scary as a spooky campfire story on a camping trip.

“I hear it.”

“I don’t hear shit.”

“Did you hear that?”

#22

The Mist

(2007)

In a small town in Maine a strange mist begins to descend from the mountains and soon engulfs the town. Yet the mist didn’t come alone; hiding in its depths are all manner of deadly creatures the like we’ve never seen before.

Fear Factor:

3 / 5 Zealots

Gore Factor:

3 / 5 Bug bites

Should you watch it?:

Yes. This movie creeps me out big time. Maybe not the “I need to check my doors now”-level creeps, but it definitely gets under my skin while I’m watching it. Not only are the creatures really creepy and well-designed, but the effects have really stood up over the years. And the storyline has that great Stephen King flair of showing how people can be just as monstrous and scary as the monsters. Speaking of which, friggin’ Marcia Gay Harden’s character? Damn. Probably one of the best antagonists I’ve seen. You just can’t help but despise her!

“People are basically good; decent. My god, David, we’re a civilized society.”

“Sure, as long as the machines are working and you can dial 911. But you take those things away, you throw people in the dark, you scare the shit out of them - no more rules.”

#23

You’re Next

(2013)

A family gathering turns into a bloodbath when a group of masked killers starts murdering everyone.

Fear Factor:

2 / 5 Masked killers

Gore Factor:

3 / 5 Blenders

Should you watch it?:

YES! Maybe its just nostalgia for the first time I saw it, or maybe its just because its the greatest mix of Bad Horror movie and Amazing Horror movie ever. Whatever. Think of me what you will, but I love this movie and think it’s just so much fun and I love the main character.

“This wasn’t a random attack! Our family’s being targeted.”

#24

Zombieland

(2009)

A Zom-com about a motley crew of survivors in a world overrun with zombies.

Fear Factor:

1.5 / 5 Pacific Playlands

Gore Factor:

3.5 / 5 Oozing maws

Should you see it?:

Yes. If you’re not a fan of horror I think you’ll appreciate the great humor and if you are a fan of horror then you’ll get the added kick out of how they spoof the zombie genre. While its certainly no Shaun of the Dead, it’s still quite a lot of fun. It has really fun characters and possibly the greatest celebrity cameo I’ve ever seen.

“I’m not great at farewells, so, uh, that’ll do, pig.”

“That’s the worst goodbye I’ve ever heard, and you stole it from a movie.”

#25

Monkey Shines

(1988)

The director of such classics as Night of the Living Dead, The Crazies, and Dawn of the Dead brings you a movie about a helper monkey that falls in love with its owner and begins murdering anyone who gets in the way. I’m 100% serious. That’s what the movie is about.

Fear Factor:

1 / 5 Monkeys

Gore Factor:

2 / 5 Monkey bites

Should you watch it?:

Oh my gosh yes. Please watch Monkey Shines. You won’t regret it. It is a movie unlike any other.

“I’ll take her down to the lab and run whatever tests I can run on her. Though I don’t expect to find sin in urine sample.”

#25.b

Cabin in the Woods

(2012)

A group of college students take a trip to a remote cabin in the woods. You know the story...or do you?

Fear Factor:

2 / 5 Zombie Redneck Torture Families

Gore Factor:

3 / 5 Mermen attacks

Should you watch it?:

Yes! If you are a fan of horror you need to see this movie. It is so much fun. I think Joss Whedon described it best when he said, “It’s basically a very loving hate letter...On some level it was completely a lark, me and [director] Drew [Goddard] trying to figure out what the most fun we could have would be. On another level it’s a serious critique of what we love and what we don’t about horror movies.”

“Ok, I’m drawing a line in the fucking sand here. Do not read the Latin.”

#26

The Woman in Black

(2012)

A widowed lawyer is tasked to arrange for the sale of an old house with a tragic past. But something out there isn’t ready to move on.

Fear Factor:

3.6 / 5 Dead people

Gore Factor:

1.2 / 5 Dead bodies

Should you watch it?:

Yes. It thoroughly creeped me out. It’s full of those long shots and suspense-building moments that really get to me. Plus, ghosts, y’all. If a vengeful ghost ever came after me I would be pissing myself left and right. FYI.

“...the most rational mind can play tricks in the dark.”

#27

Alien

(1979)

A outer space mining crew is returning to Earth when they get waylaid after receiving a strange signal from an unknown origin. Upon investigation they discover an extraterrestrial life form. A hostile one.

Fear Factor:

3 / 5 Facehuggers

Gore Factor:

3 / 5 Chestbursters

Should you watch it?:

YES. I mean sure Alien might not be the scariest movie around, and it’s effects may very well be 35 years old, BUT in my opinion it is one of the best made horror movies around. I could talk about how well composed it is as a film, or how it masterfully builds tension throughout the whole piece, but all I really need to say is: Ellen Ripley! Sigourney Weaver as Ripley is just the greatest thing ever. Ripley is my #1 favorite horror movie lead. I’m continually amazed that more people don’t name their daughters Ripley, because she is that cool.

“Listen to me, if we break quarantine, we could all die.”

#28

I Am Legend

(2007)

A virus designed to help us mutates and becomes our downfall. 90% of those infected die. 1% are immune. But the rest? The rest change into something not quite human.

Fear Factor:

2 / 5 Zom-pires

Gore Factor:

2 / 5 Pissed off neighbors

Should you watch it?:

Yes, but only if you watch it with the original ending and not the super shitty theatrical ending that defeats the ENTIRE POINT of the original story.

“God didn’t do this. We did!”

#29

The Thing

(2011)

A prequel to a horror classic. A group of scientists in Antarctica stumble across the greatest scientific find in human history: an alien life form that’s been frozen in ice for thousands of years. However, when they bring it back to their base they certainly weren’t expecting the thing to still be alive.

Fear Factor:

2 / 5 Things

Gore Factor:

4 / 5 Fleshy appendages

Should you watch it?:

Only if you like John Carpenter’s original The Thing. Just be warned that this movie doesn’t come close to comparing to the original, bless its heart it tries though, but don’t go in expecting it to compete. However, I will always defend this one, because despite all its faults I find it to be an extremely interesting movie. When compared with the original you get a very intriguing juxtaposition of how horror movies have changed over the years.

“So, I’m gonna die because I floss?”

#29.b

Saw

(2004)

A killer known as Jigsaw tries to give people an appreciation for life by throwing them into sadistic games wherein they must solve the puzzle or die trying.

Fear Factor:

2 / 5 Westleys

Gore Factor:

2.5 / 5 Hacksaws

Should you watch it?:

Umm, maybe? If you like Cary Elwes you should definitely see it, because it’s kind of hilarious seeing him in a movie like this. Otherwise? As a mystery it’s quite fun, but it’s rather lacking in the Horror department. The creepiness mostly just comes from them describing scary scenarios. I’m glad I finally “saw” it though.

“Congratulations. You are still alive. Most people are so ungrateful to be alive. But not you. Not anymore.”

#30

The Thing

(1982)

A strange visit to an American outpost in the Antarctic brings leaves them under siege by a strange and deadly creature that can infect and copy anyone it touches.

Fear Factor:

3 / 5 Dogs

Gore Factor:

4 / 5 Burn-its

Should you watch it?:

Hell YES! It’s one of my all-time favorite Horror movies. It’s got a monstrous alien, it’s got amazing 80's style practical effects, it’s got crazy WTF moments galore, it’s got a chilling setting, it’s got amazing one-liners, and it’s got Kurt Russel wearing the world’s dopest hat. It is just so much freaky good fun.

“I don’t know what the hell’s in there, but it’s weird and pissed off, whatever it is.”

#30.b

Suspiria

[Sighs]

(1977)

An American ballet student transfers to a dance academy in Germany only to discover it has a dark and deadly secret!

Fear Factor:

1 / 5 Dubs

Gore Factor:

3 / 5 Maggots

Should you watch it?:

I’m glad I saw it, but I don't think I would really ever recommend it to anyone. It's got a number of interesting things about it, but it’s also super 70’sy and the plot is much too slipshod for anything to be really scary.

“Susie, do you know anything about... witches?”

#31

Evil Dead

(2013)

A group of friends meet up at a remote cabin in the woods in order to help one of them beat her drug addiction, but while there they accidentally release an ancient evil. Now they’re being possessed one by one and their very souls are at stake.

Fear Factor:

4.3 / 5 Evils

Gore Factor:

5 / 5 Blood rains

Should you watch it?:

If you like your Horror scary and gory then yes, otherwise you’d better tag out for this one, my friend. While I know plenty of people who didn’t find this movie as scary as I did, who cares! They can write their own darn lists. In terms of movies that actually freak ME out this one is probably my favorite. When I first saw it in theaters it seriously fucked me up in the head and I had to ask the girl I saw it with to hold my hand for a little bit afterward to restore my calm. It didn’t get to me so bad when I watched it today, HOWEVER, it was definitely still putting me on edge. And when a movie is still freaking you out when you’re watching it slightly drunk, rather tired, and with some fond memories of previous viewings? Well that’s probably a sign that it’s pretty freaky.

“You shouldn’t have touched anything from that basement.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--Keep in mind that ratings operates on a sliding scale. These are the basic guidelines and then things like Realism and Execution can raise or lower the base score.--

Guide to Fright Factor ratings:

0 - You’ve accidentally gotten a horror movie confused with your Yoga workout DVD.

1 - Sure there’s some “spooky” imagery/themes in here, but the same could be said of the Halloween section of a department store.

2 - You have started to feel afraid for the characters in the movie. Because...for the love of God, why are they splitting up? The killer is behind you! LOOK BEHIND YOU!

3 - The fear of the film has escaped into your real world. You’ll still go in the water, sure, but not with the same carefree abandon you once did.

4 - My door is locked, right? And the windows? I’m just going to go double check. Did...did you hear something? Ha ha...ha...have you seen my baseball bat?

5 - I’m going to need you to hold my hand to ground me in reality please. Just...oh dear sweet baby Jesus...oh, we’re all going to die. Why did I think I was brave enough to watch this?

Guide to Gore Factor ratings:

0 - Rom-com Level gore.
You might see such horrors as a sprained ankle or a newly delivered baby!

1 - Monster Level gore.
You’ll probably see some ooky-looking monsters. Possibly a touch of blood, perhaps even see a shadow doing something suggestive of violence to another shadow, but you probably really won’t be seeing anything worse than a cut.

2 - “I’m Serious” Level gore.
Here you might start to see the film trying to prove that their threat is really serious! They’ll show some some post-attack wounds or some blood sprays, but you’ll never see the actual infliction of the wound UNLESS the weapon is a knife. Horror films love knives so they can have “Oh! He cut her arm that means he’s serious”-kind of stuff, where a fake knife and some blood packets suggest a lot without really showing anything that bad. You might also see something like a person someone transforming into a monster, a monster transforming into an even oogier monster, someone getting an injection, or even a corpse of some sort.

3 - Witness Level gore.
Now we begin to see wounds actually being inflicted. You might see someone get bit or something lobbed off. Probably a fair bit of blood is being thrown around. Maybe even some organs making a brief appearance. The gorier bits are generally very quick though.

4 - WTF! Level gore.
At this level the movie is showing exaggerated levels of gore and trying to elicit a visceral reaction from you. It will undoubtedly feature all sorts of over-the-top crazy-ass shit that you really will never see in your lifetime (thank God). Maybe a head will be torn in two, maybe a person eaten alive, perhaps even an unfortunate encounter with some farm equipment or something!

5 - Look Away Level gore.
This movie has 100% completely crossed the point of no return and entered the realm of nightmarish blood bath. They are purposefully showing you all the grotesque shit they can think of in order to gross you the fuck out. Expect long-shots of really fucked-up things happening to people, and to be left with not only a queasy stomach, but also a sense that whoever made this movie has some serious issues.