Thursday, December 3, 2015

Movie List 2015: 31-60

Genre Color Key

          =    Action
       =  Animated
       = Adventure
         =   Comedy
          =     Crime
                   =   Documentary
           =   Drama
          =   Fantasy
           =    Horror
       = Love Story
          =   Musical
           =     Sci-Fi
           =     Sports

* = rewatched
Title =  I wish I hadn’t watched this


Sherlock Jr.

A film projectionist dreams of being a detective, but when a rival for his girlfriend’s heart frames him for a theft he didn’t commit he’ll have to put his skills to the test to prove his innocence.

Starring: Buster Keaton

This movie...
a little bit doofy, but overall pretty enjoyable.

*   32.   *

Addams Family Values

The macabre Addams family encounters some challenges when Uncle Fester is seduced by a black widow.

Starring: Anjelica Huston, Raul Julia, Christopher Lloyd, Christina Ricci, Jimmy Workman, Carol Kane, Carel Struycken, Joan Cusack, David Krumholtz

This movie...
is one of those rare sequels that lives up to the original.

“Wednesday’s at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind.”



Ender’s Game

Humanity is at war with aliens and our only hope is a group of children we’ve raised to be the greatest generals ever seen. Of these children Ender Wiggin is the best of the best and he very well might be humanity’s last hope, but will his training destroy Ender before he can save the world?

Starring: Asa Butterfield, Harrison Ford, Hailee Steinfeld, Abigail Breslin, Viola Davis, Ben Kingsley

This movie...
is a noble failure at an impossible task. There really is no way to do justice to the novel, but they gave it a good shot. They failed. But they made a good effort.

“Fifty years ago an alien force known as the Formics attacked Earth. Tens of millions died. It was only through the sacrifice of our greatest commander that we avoided total annihilation. We've been preparing for them to come back ever since. The International Fleet decided that the world's smartest children are the planet's best hope. Raised on war games, their decisions are intuitive, decisive, fearless. I am one of those recruits.”

*   34.   *

Crocodile Dundee
After writing a piece about an enigmatic Austrailian bushman, a New York reporter brings him back to New York to see what he thinks of it.

Starring: Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, John Meilon, Mark Blum

This movie...
would have you believe that Dundee was some amazing guy, but he was totally still a poacher. Not to mention rather sexist.

 “New York City, Mr. Dundee. Home to seven million people.”

“That's incredible. Imagine seven million people all wanting to live together. Yeah, New York must be the friendliest place on earth.”


Game of Death

A martial arts movie star becomes the target of a gang and is forced to fake his own death in order to take them down.

Starring: Bruce Lee, Colleen Camp, Gig Young, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

This movie...
has Bruce Lee fighting Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, which is just about the strangest match up I’ve ever heard of.

“One rebel begats another. It’s the Billy Lo Syndrome.”


Top Gun

Two hot shot fighter pilots are selected to go to hot shot fighter pilot school where at they fly fighter jets like the hot shots they are.

Starring: Tom Cruise, Kelly McGillis, Anthony Edwards, Val Kilmer, Michael Ironside

This movie...
is literally about fighter pilots who go to an ace fighter pilot school. I had never seen this movie before now and I had assumed that there was more to it than that. But there isn’t.

“I feel the need...”

“...the need for speed!”


Bridget Jones’s Diary

A modern romcom version of Pride & Prejudice.

Starring: Renee Zellweger, Colin Firth, Hugh Grant

This movie...
has Colin Firth reprising his role of Darcy! How crazy is that?

“I don’t think you’re an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother’s pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever’s in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I’m trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.”


Wayne’s World

Best friends/local public access celebrities Wayne & Garth must battle with a sleazy producer who wants to take their show to the big leagues, but make them corporate sell-outs in the process.

Starring: Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Lara Flynn Boyle, Rob Lowe, Tia Carrere

This movie...
is one of the only times someone’s actually managed to make a good movie out of an SNL sketch.

“Uh, Wayne?”


“Do you ever get the feeling Benjamin’s just using us?”

“Good call. It’s like he wants us to be liked by everyone. I mean Led Zeppelin didn’t write tunes everybody liked. They left that to the Bee Gees.”

*   39.   *

Black Sheep

A eminent politician has one big thing going against him this election: his well-meaning but idiotic brother who keeps making a mess out of everything. In order to keep him away from the public eye he tasks one of his aides with the difficult chore of keeping him out of the public eye.

Starring: Chris Farley, David Spade, Tim Matheson, Christine Ebersole, Gary Busey

This movie...
isn’t quite as good as Tommy Boy, but I do always enjoy the Spade/Farley duo.

“Boy, I could sure use some cupcakes or peanut butter cups right now.”

*   40.   *

Starship Troopers

Humanity is at war with an alien race of insectoid aliens in this sci-fi satire of war.

Starring: Casper Van Dien, Dina Meyer, Denise Richards, Neil Patrick Harris, Michael Ironside

This movie...
would have been promptly turned off had I not been watching it with others.

“You. Why are only citizens allowed to vote?”

“It’s a reward. Something the federation gives you for doing federal service.”

“No. Something given has no value. When you vote, you are exercising political authority, you’re using force. And force my friends is violence. The supreme authority from which all other authorities are derived.”

*   41.   *

The Illusionist

A renowned magician reunites with his childhood love and attempts to save her from her abusive fiancée prince.

Starring: Edward Norton, Jessica Biel, Rufus Sewell, Paul Giamatti

This movie...
has a pretty basic plot, but it’s told very well.

“Perhaps there is truth in this illusion.”


Requiem for a Dream

When their addictions begin taking control of their lives, 4 people in Coney Island are forced to battle with the consequences of their actions.

Starring: Jared Leto, Jennifer Connelly, Ellen Burstyn, Marlon Wayans, Christopher McDonald

This movie...
is fucked up. I mean, it’s a brilliant movie, but holy crap is it ever depressing.

“Ass to ass.”



A woman’s best friend is getting married and names her maid of honor, however, it just so happens that her life is currently falling apart and with her friend’s upcoming nuptials she’s left with no one to lean on and more stress than ever.

Starring: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Melissa McCarthy, Rose Byrne, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Ellie Kemper, Chris O’Dowd

This movie...
has a lot more drama in it than I was expecting, but I ended up really liking that about it. I thought it was just going to be a pureblood comedy, but at its heart it’s a story about a woman whose life is imploding in on itself, but, you know, with lots of humor to make it palatable. And both Kristen Wiig and Chris O’Dowd in it!

“You read my diary?”

“At first I didn’t know it was your diary, I thought it was a very sad hand-written book.”


Ruby Sparks

A struggling novelist manages to break through his writer’s block when he is inspired to create a romance about a character named Ruby Sparks, his idea of a perfect woman. But when Ruby Sparks suddenly appears in his world for real he begins to realize that getting what we think we want can have disastrous consequences.

Starring: Paul Dano, Zoe Kazan, Chris Messina, Annette Bening, Antonio Banderas

This movie...
seems like it’s gonna be a light-hearted romcom, but then slowly gets more and more twisted and fascinating.

“You don’t get to decide what I do.”

“Wanna bet?”


What If

Wallace is burnt out on relationships, but when he meets Chantry sparks fly. The only problem: she’s already in a relationship. They end up becoming best friends, but Wallace begins wishing it could be something more, even though he doesn’t want to jeopardize their friendship.

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Zoe Kazan, Megan Park, Adam Driver, Rafe Spall

This movie...
makes me want to see Daniel Radcliffe in more romcoms. I really don’t like the romance cliches at work in it, but the performances and the dialogue are so much fun it made up for it (mostly).

“It’s complicated. All this love shit’s complicated. And that’s good. Because if it’s too simple you’ve got no reason to try, and if you’ve got no reason to try you don’t.”


Total Recall

When a man tries to implant the memories of an exciting vacation into his brain things go terribly awry. Now he’s left not knowing what memories are real and which ones are false. To make matters worse people keep trying to kill him! Maybe Martian prostitutes will have the answers...

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rachel Ticotin, Sharon Stone, Ronny Cox, Michael Ironside

This movie...
is an extremely lowbrow presentation of a really highbrow premise.

“You ever fuck a mutant?”


Rock Star

An obsessive rock&roll fan lives for emulating his rock hero, but one day his life changes when he’s selected to replace his idol in the band he’s based his life around.

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Jennifer Aniston, Dominic West, Timothy Small

This movie...
is rather entertaining, but for all the wrong reasons.

“Dude, do I have too much foundation on?”


Kung-fu Panda

An incompetent panda dreams of being an elite martial artist. And he gets his chance when a fluke event causes him to be chosen as the one destined to stop a dangerous escaped convict.

Starring: Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, James Hong, Angelina Jolie, Ian McShane, Jackie Chan, Seth Rogan, Lucy Liu, David Cross

This movie...
did not live up to the hype. Plus it’s a movie set in Asia and most of the main characters are voiced by white people. Don’t think I didn’t notice that movie! Just because it’s an animated movie about talking animals doesn’t mean it can’t still be whitewashed.

“The Furious Five! You look a lot bigger than your action figures! Except you, Mantis. You’re about the same.”


Your Sister’s Sister

Iris let’s her friend Jack stay at her parents’ secluded cabin. However, she didn’t know that her sister Hannah was there. Jack and Hannah end up having a drunken fling, which makes things really awkward when Iris comes by because Iris has a big ol’ crush on Jack, and Jack might have a big crush on her too, but he needs to get his shit together before risking their friendship, and Iris and Hannah love each other, but what the fuck, Hannah!

Starring: Mark Duplass, Emily Blunt, Rosemarie DeWitt

This movie...
has really great actors, but a really weak plot.

 “I am a really bad person.”


Deep Impact

A world-killer level comet is headed for Earth. America has built an underground bunker capable of housing and sustaining a small segment of the population until it becomes safe to return to the surface, but chaos erupts when some are chosen to live and some to die.

Starring: Elijah Wood, Robert Duvall, Tea Leoni, Morgan Freeman

This movie...
doesn’t have a very good grasp of science.

“Our missiles have failed. The comets are still headed for Earth, and there’s nothing we can do to stop them. So, this is it. If the world does go on, it will not go on for everyone. We have now been able to calculate the comet’s final trajectories, and we have determined where they’re going to strike. The smaller of the two comets, Biederman, will hit first, somewhere in the Atlantic Seaboard, probably off the waters of Cape Hatteras, in just under twelve hours, at 4:35 PM Eastern Daylight Time. The impact of the comet is going to be...well, disastrous.”

*   51.   *

In order to battle a crime-ridden near-future Detroit the police force has just been privatized. And the company with the contract has a plan for the future of law enforcement: Robocops!

Starring: Peter Weller, Nancy Allen, Ronny Cox, Kurtwood Smith, Miguel Ferrer

This movie...
is so very 80s and has so, so much more gore than I remembered it having.

“I’d buy that for a dollar!”



In the near-future the wars are fought not only with drones, but with robots as well. In order to get his robots into the world of local law enforcement an arms dealer tries to create a robocop: a combination of human and robot.

Starring: Joel Kinnaman, Abbie Cornish, Michael Keaton, Gary Oldman, Samuel L. Jackson

This movie...
is so much better than it had any right to be. And in an age of drone strikes it deals with a number of highly relevant questions. I won’t say it’s more entertaining than the original, but it’s a heck of a lot more thought provoking.

“I know I’m dreaming 'cause I can feel all of this.”

“Alex, amputees can often feel their missing appendages. It’s called phantom limb sensation.”

“What do you mean 'amputees’? What the hell did you do to me?”

“You need to relax.”

“What have you done to me?”

*   53.  *

The School of Rock

A musician gets kicked out of his band and pretends to be a substitute teacher in order to make some quick cash. But when he discovers the kids in his class are musically gifted he tries to use them to defeat his old band at the battle of the bands.

Starring: Jack Black, Adam Pascal, Joan Cusack, Sarah Silverman

This movie...
is pretty fun and that is all thanks to Jack Black’s performance. Most everyone else is kind of so-so.

“I pledge allegiance... to the band... of Mr. Schneebly... and will not fight him... for creative control... and will defer to him on all issues related to the musical direction of the band.”




The Boov:
The alien race that just took over the planet and relocated humanity over to Happy Humanstown (aka Austrailia).

A little girl who managed to escape capture, but was separated from her mother.

The Gorg:
An alien race who have been chasing the Boov for years and destroying any planet it finds them on.

A fugitive Boov who maaay have accidentally just sent a planet-warming party invite to the Gorg by mistake....

Starring: Rihanna, jim Parsons, Jennifer Lopez, Steve Martin

This movie...
is not only the first 3d animated movie to star a woman of color as the main character, but it is also exceedingly charming too!

“What for are you did this? I am Boov, beloved by all humans.”

“I know what you are.”

Oh excellent. Can I come into the out now?”

"No, you cannot ‘come into the out now.’ You can never come into the out ever again.”

“But I can. You are just having to take away the piece of wood... 
...Wait, then I will have to have to...have to...I will shoot forth the lasers from my eyeballs!

“You can do that?”


“Well, if you shoot your eye lasers then I’ll have no choice but to explode your head.”

“You humans cannot to explode...”

“We can too. We just don’t much. It’s considered rude.”

“Then, then I am granting you a truce. You are not to exploding heads and I will not do my devastating eye lasers.”

*   55.   *


A team of scientists goes on an expedition to a distant planet to find the origins of life on Earth, but gets more than it bargained for when they find out that their answers aren’t what they had hoped.

Starring: Noomi Rapace, Logan Marshall-Green, Charlize Theron, Michael Fassbender, Idris Elba

This movie...
makes you ask the questions, “Why the hell is any of this happening? How does any of this make sense?” a lot, BUT you get to ask that while looking at really cool-looking stuff happening to some pretty amazing actors.

“How far would you go to get your answers?”


The Day the Earth Stood Still

Starring: Michael Rennie, Patricia Neal, Billy Gray, Hugh Marlowe, Sam Jaffe

This movie...
has an amazing first contact moment. I have no doubt that that is pretty much exactly what would happen.

“I suppose you are just as scared as the rest of us.”

“In a different way, perhaps. I am fearful when I see people substituting fear for reason.”


The Machinist

A factory machinist who hasn’t slept in a year begins to question his sanity as things in his life go out of control.

Starring: Christian Bale, Jennifer Jason Leigh, John Sharian, Aitana Sanchez-Gijon, Michael Ironside

This movie...
is really well done, but kind of makes a person rather concerned for Christian Bale’s health. How did he not kill himself making this thing?

“Are you okay?”

“Don’t I look okay?”

“If you were any thinner you wouldn’t exist.”


For a Good Time Call

Two frenemies turned roommates decide to create their own phone sex line in order to make some quick cash.

Starring: Lauren Miller, Ari Graynor, Justin Long

This movie...
was a lot more entertaining than I was expecting it to be.

“You ladies are living some fucked up version of the American dream.”

*   59.   *

The Lost World

After the destruction of Jurassic Park, two teams collide on the dinosaur inhabited “Site B” island: one trying to observe and document the animals’ behaviors and the other trying to hunt and abduct the creatures for money.

Starring: Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Pete Postlewaite, Vince Vaughn

This movie...
is nowhere as good as the original, but it IS still a movie wherein dinosaur wreck shit. Soooo there is that.

“Don’t worry. I’m not making the same mistakes again.”

“No, you’re making all new ones.”


Good Hair

A documentary from Chris Rock that looks at African-American hairstyles and what it means to have “good hair.”

Starring: Chris Rock

This movie...
is really interesting and often humorous, but spends WAY too much time talking about some stupid hair styling competition.

“Just yesterday my daughter came into the house and said, 'Daddy, how come I don't have good hair?’

I wonder how she came up with that idea.”

1 comment:

  1. One of my favorite lines from Addams Family Values: Morticia -- "You have placed Fester under some strange, sexual spell. I respect that." Plus the Thanksgiving pageant is one of the most perversely satisfying scenes in cinematic history for me.

    I think the Crocodile Dundee sequel is better than the first; it's when he takes her back to Australia. I haven't seen either movie in a long time, but the sequel had more adventures in the outback and was therefore more fun for 8-year-old Sarah. :P

    I once read an interesting article on Cracked about Starship Troopers being eerily predictive of the conflict in Iraq:

    A friend of mine in high school had me watch Requiem for a Dream, claiming it was something "everyone should see once." I'm not so sure! What a nightmare.

    I'm glad What If has some redeeming value, I kinda wanna see it.

    Have you ever seen The Holiday? It's kind of a throwaway Christmas movie, but I've seen it multiple times because Kate Winslet and Jack Black together are surprisingly cute.