31 Days of Spooky Movies: Wrong Turn

Day #3

Wrong Turn

(2003)

A group of friends (and the man who crashed into their car) find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere as people-eating mutant hillbillies hunt them for food and sport.

Fright Factor:

2 / 5 Sloths

Gore Factor:

3.5 / 5 Chunks

Should you watch it?

My roommate tells me that I was foolish to trust in a horror movie just because Eliza Dushku was in it, as “she’s not really that big of name.” But clearly that is crazy talk: Eliza Dushku is pretty darn awesome.

To his credit though he was right that watching this one was a mistake.

For goodness sake, the mutants all look like Sloth from The Goonies had a baby with one of the orcs from Lord of the Rings! Do you know how hard it is to be scared when the mutants look like they could be distracted with a Baby Ruth bar? Or continually expecting them to pop out of the trees and yell, “HEY YOU GUUUYYSSS!”??

It just isn’t conducive to a horror atmosphere, people.

Anyways, pretty typical low-budget horror. The plot really doesn’t make any sense and the characters are all hopelessly uninteresting. Although for all you naysayers out there let me just say that Eliza Dushku outacts every other person in the movie by leaps and bounds. Sadly, she can only do so much with a script this trite.

Well, okay, the bit near the end where they’re up in the trees was something I had never seen before. I’ll give them that. So that one scene and Eliza Dushku and a whole lot of misplaced The Goonies memories are the only things this movie has to offer you.

“Thank you, take care.”

“You’re the one who’s gonna need to take care.”

31 Days of Spooky Movies: Cujo

Day #2.d

Cujo

(1983)

A rabid dog turns a nightmare into a reality for a mother and her young son.

Fright factor:

1 / 5 Rabid Animals

Gore Factor:

2 / 5 Dirty Dogs

Should you watch it?

For the longest time I’ve wondered how on Earth this movie worked. The whole “a dog gets rabies” premise really doesn’t seem substantial enough to warrant a full movie’s worth of material, right? Turns out this assumption was entirely correct! I’d say over 60% of this movie is just padded out set-up, and the rest they manage to milk by having the lady and her kid get trapped by Cujo when their car dies outside his rural abode.

If you’re already afraid of dogs this one might freak you out a bit, I suppose. But for me? Any horror there could have been was lost in the sheer volume of coincidences that the writers had to pile on top of each other to make this set-up work.

Not to mention the fact that even with all the makeup they still couldn't stop the dog playing Cujo from looking like a big ol’ floppy pile of cuddles.

“It’s not a monster. It’s just a doggy.”

31 Days of Spooky Movies: Carrie

Day #2c

Carrie

(1976)

A teenage girl with nascent telekinetic powers is ruthlessly picked on and abused by her psychotic classmates and deranged mother. Until one day she just can’t take it anymore...

Fright Factor:

1.5 / 5 Unfit parents

Gore Factor:

1 / 5 Buckets of blood

Should you watch it?

I think the scariest thing about this movie is the realization that growing up (especially in small town America in the 70s) has the potential to be a truly horrifying experience. Sure there’s a whole supernatural angle at work in the story, but the vast majority of the film is just focused on a poor girl trying to do whatever she can to make it through a life where everyone has it out for her and she has no agency of her own. Until one day things get so bad that she breaks and she turns to the only power she can find in order to stop everyone from hurting her again.

And yet there are numerous times that the direction left me feeling really uncomfortable . I don’t think you can watch this movie and not start wondering at some point about whether or not the director was abusing his power. ESPECIALLY the first scene. Well...okay, technically the first scene is a very brief one of people playing volley ball during gym, so I suppose the SECOND scene, set in a high school girls’ locker room, being about 5.5 minutes of constant nudity, a fair bit of which is highly sexualized, is the one I have the most issues with.

I know Sissy Spacek was 27 when this movie was filmed, but she was playing a high school senior and thus that scene (and the way it was shot/scored/etc) makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Sexualizing underage kids (even fictional ones) is not something we as a society should be doing.

In spite of the film’s gratuitous use of nude adult “teenagers,” there’s actually a number of things to like about Carrie. The film has some really fun acting, memorable moments, and at its heart is a really interesting story.

Although I should also warn you that, as always seems to be the way with Stephen King stories, the ending gets really silly, really fast. I’m not talking about the famous bloodbath scene that you don’t need to have seen the movie to know about, but about what goes down after that. I swear, Stephen King’s go-to writing escape hatch is to just throw in a supernatural deus ex machina and wrap things up quickly.

So, in summary: Really inappropriate beginning, really stupid ending, and yet some pretty great stuff inbetween.

“It has nothing to do with Satan, mama.”

31 Days of Spooky Movies: Insidious 2

Day #2b

Insidious:

Chapter 2

(2013)

The Lamberts attempt deal with the aftermath of the first movie as they are forced to investigate into the origin of the ghostly figure that haunted Josh as a child.

Fright Factor:

3.5 / 5  Ghost Moms

Gore Factor:

2 /5  Loose Teeth

Should you watch it?

First of all, can we be done with the whole cliché of how anytime a crossdresser shows up in a spooky movie they are an insane murderer with mother issues? That would be awesome.

In other news, Insidious 2 is a lot like the Royal Crown Cola to Insidious’ Coke. Is it bad? I wouldn’t say that. Is it cola? Yes, it is. But is it going to be winning any blind taste tests? No.

Never gonna happen.

That being said, if you liked the original I think you should give this one a try. It has some good scares and—if nothing else—it provides some closure to the cliffhanger the first one left us with.

And if you haven’t seen the first one...well, then why on Earth would you want to watch the sequel first? Come on, people.

“Is there something wrong with daddy, mom?”

31 Days of Spooky Movies: The Crazies (1973)

Day #2

The Crazies

(1973)

When a military plane goes down over a small town it inadvertently contaminates their water supply with a biological weapon: one designed to leave people dead or insane. As the military desperately tries to quarantine their mistake the populace is left caught between a government desperate to cover their asses and a community contaminated with madness.

Fright Factor:

1.2 / 5  U.S. Governments

Gore Factor:

2 / 5  Fake Blood Stains

Should you watch it?

I think it’s worth watching, but not for the reasons you’d expect.

Unlike the 2010 remake, the original is not particularly well made and it’s certainly not very scary. Maybe it was scarier back when the effects weren’t so dated? Although I somehow doubt it. It has a couple moments where it tries to shock you, but nothing in it really ever seems like it’s trying to scare you.

However, while the remake focused on the horror of those trying to survive, this one focuses primarily on the government’s bumbling efforts to the control the situation. The survivors are more or less just there to juxtapose that bumbling with the disastrous effects it’s having on the populace. This was 1973 and the United States’ direct military involvement in the Vietnam War had just come to an end, and judging from this film, trust in the government's competence was at an all-time low.

So if you’re looking to be freaked out, this movie is certainly not going to do it for you. But if you’re looking to see an early 70s horror movie give the United States’ military industrial complex a big ol’ middle finger, then you’ve come to the right place.

“I don't mean to jump on you, Colonel. It just AMAZES me how shoddy this operation is.”

31 Days of Spooky Movies: Event Horizon

Day #1

Event Horizon

(1997)

It’s 2047 and a distress signal was just received from spaceship Event Horizon: an experimental craft that disappeared without a trace after its initial launch 7 years earlier. A crew is sent to investigate, but they soon learn that some mysteries are better left unsolved.

Fright Factor:

1.5 / 5 Hellraisers in Space

Gore Factor:

3 / 5 OSHA Violations

Should you watch it?

Imagine someone in the late 90s trying to blatantly and simultaneously rip off both Solaris and Hellraiser. Congratulations! You just imagined Event Horizon.

Nothing in this movie makes any sense. For instance why did NASA hire Clive Barker to do their interior decoration? Why are there live explosives lining the corridors of a spacecraft? And, while we’re at it, why do said explosives have convenient touchscreens that allow anyone to grab one and set it to detonate without so much as a clearance code? More importantly, why does no one in this movie ever shut up?

In its defense there are some creepy images and ideas running around (albeit erratically) the movie, but the filmmakers seemed to think that was all they needed to generate good Horror. Almost no attention is paid to developing solid characters, creating an atmosphere [insert space joke here], or moving the plot forward in a sensible manner.

The only possible reason you have to watch this movie is that Laurence Fishburne is in it. And bless his heart, that man does all that he can to strap this film to his back and carry it forward, but the dead weight was just too much for him.

Although if you’re looking for a counterpoint argument I would recommend Joey Comeau’s wonderful post on the film: “Logorrhea in Space: Event Horison (1997).” Joey generally has a more positive opinion of the film’s strong points than I and his jokes about the film’s dialogue are pitch perfect.

“Oh. My. God. What happened to your eyes?”

“Where we’re going, we won’t need eyes to see.”

“What are you talking about?”

31 Days of Spooky Movies: 2016

The leaves have begun to fall, there’s a nip in the night air, and October has burst into our lives like an Alien from the chest. That’s right, folks...

it's baaaacckkk...

Spooky Films 3-D:

The Revenge of 31 Days!

The Challenge:

• Watch a spooky movie every day of October
  
• Movies watched during previous years challenges don’t count towards your goal.

I, of, course will be chronicling all the films I watch here for your enjoyment / to do my part in giving you a fiendishly fun October. And if you so desire, feel free to attempt the challenge yourself! It’s really quite a lot of fun.

In the previous years I would post my little reviews for each day’s movie on this blog’s Facebook page and then assemble them here later on, but no more! I have since quit the FB habit and thus will be doing all my reporting right here at Excuse the Quality main base. As you well know, I am notoriously bad at “planning ahead” and “doing things on time,” so I can’t exactly tell you when each post will go up, but there will be a new post up here every day...probably...

I have been known in past years to push my luck, wait until the last minute, and finish a day’s movie right under the wire, thus not being able to put up the post for it until the following day. But if this challenge has taught us anything, it’s that sometimes life is horrifying and sad and that’s just part of the fun.

If anyone would like some ideas for some Spooky movies to watch, feel free to peruse my previous years' challenges:

31 Days of 2014

31 Days of 2015

And for my own benefit I’m going to provide both my Fright/Gore ranking guides & a chronological list of all the movies I’ve watched in past challenges at the bottom of this post.

So there you have it my friends! Have a frightfully ominous October, my little Hellraisers...

...if you dare!

--Keep in mind that ratings operate on a sliding scale and things like Execution, Realism, and my own unavoidable Bias all have an affect on the ratings.

However, that being said, these are the basic guidelines I work from.--

Guide to Fright Factor ranking:

0 - You’ve accidentally gotten a horror movie confused with your Yoga workout DVD.

1 - Sure there’s some “spooky” imagery/themes in here, but the same could be said of the Halloween section of a department store.

2 - You have started to feel afraid for the characters in the movie. Because...for the love of God, why are they splitting up? The killer is behind you! LOOK BEHIND YOU!

3 - The fear of the film has escaped into your real world. You’ll still go in the water, sure, but not with the same carefree abandon you once did.

4 - My door is locked, right? And the windows? I’m just going to go double check. Did...did you hear something? Ha ha...ha...have you seen my baseball bat?

5 - I’m going to need you to hold my hand to ground me in reality please. Just...oh dear sweet baby Jesus...oh, we’re all going to die. Why did I think I was brave enough to watch this?

Guide to Gore Factor ratings:

0 - Rom-com Level gore
You might see such horrors as a sprained ankle or a newly delivered baby!

1 - Monster Level gore
You’ll probably see some ooky-looking monsters. Possibly a touch of blood, perhaps even see a shadow doing something suggestive of violence to another shadow, but you probably really won’t be seeing anything worse than a cut.

2 - “I’m Serious” Level gore
Here you might start to see the film trying to prove that their threat is really serious! They’ll show some some post-attack wounds or some blood sprays, but you’ll never see the actual infliction of the wound UNLESS the weapon is a knife. Horror films love knives so they can have “Oh! He cut her arm that means he’s serious”-kind of stuff, where a fake knife and some blood packets suggest a lot without really showing anything that bad. You might also see something like a person transforming into a monster, a monster transforming into an even oogier monster, someone getting an injection, or even a corpse of some sort.

3 - Witness Level gore
Now we begin to see wounds actually being inflicted. You might see someone get bit or something lobbed off. Probably a fair bit of blood is being thrown around. Maybe even some organs making a brief appearance. The gorier bits are generally very quick though.

4 - WTF! Level gore
At this level the movie is showing exaggerated levels of gore and trying to elicit a visceral reaction from you. It will undoubtedly feature all sorts of over-the-top crazy-ass shit that you really will never see in your lifetime (thank God). Maybe a head will be torn in two, maybe a person eaten alive, perhaps even an unfortunate encounter with some farm equipment or something!

5 - Look Away Level gore
This movie has 100% completely crossed the point of no return and entered the realm of nightmarish blood bath. They are purposefully showing you all the grotesque shit they can think of in order to gross you the fuck out. Expect long-shots of really fucked-up things happening to people, and to be left with not only a queasy stomach, but also a sense that whoever made this movie has some serious issues.

Dead Films

1932:

• Murders in the Rue Morgue

1933:

• The Invisible Man

1934:

• The Black Cat

1958:

• The Blob

1959:

• House on Haunted Hill

1964:

• The Last Man on Earth

1968:

• Night of the Living Dead

1974:

• The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

1976:

• The Omen

1977:

• Suspiria [Sighs]

1978:

• Dawn of the Dead

1979:

• Alien
• Phantasm

1980:

• Friday the 13^th

1981:

• The Evil Dead

1982:

• The Thing

1983:

• Christine
• Sleepaway Camp

1984:

• Children on the Corn
• C.H.U.D.

1985:

• A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge
• Re-Animator

1986:

• Invaders From Mars
• Poltergeist II: The Other Side

1987:

• Hellraiser

1988:

• Monkey Shines

1991:

• Ernest Scared Stupid

1992:

• Army of Darkness

1993:

• The Nightmare Before Christmas

1996:

• Scream

1997:

• Mimic
• The Relic

1998:

• Phantoms

1999:

• The Blair Witch Project
• Stir of Echoes

2000:

• American Psycho
• Ginger Snaps

2001:

• The Others
• Session 9

2002:

• 28 Days Later

2004:

• Kakurenbo [Hide and Go Seek]
• Saw
• Shaun of the Dead

2005:

• The Descent
• Noroi [The Curse]
• Saw II

2006:

• Goemul [The Host]
• Ils [Them]

2007:

• 30 Days of Night
• À l’intérieur [Inside]
• I Am Legend
• The Mist
• Shrooms

2008:

• The Ruins
• Splinter

2009:

• Coraline
• The Descent: Part II
• Død Snø [Dead Snow]
• Doghouse
• The Hole
• Zombieland

2010:

• The Crazies
• The Last Exorcism
• Piranha 3D
• Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

2011:

• The Thing

2012:

• Cabin in the Woods
• John Dies at the End
• ParaNorman
• The Woman in Black

2013:

• Evil Dead
• Haunter
• The Purge
• You're Next

2014:

• Død Snø 2 [Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead]
• Housebound
• Ich seh Ich seh [Goodnight Mommy]
• Tusk

2015:

• The Lazarus Effect