31 Days of Spooky Movies: Frankenstein (1931)

Day #19

Frankenstein

(1931)

A scientist is determined to prove his theory correct by bringing life to dead tissue. Now if only his dad and fiancée would leave him alone and stop pestering him about wedding stuff!

Fright Factor:

1 / 5  Ye Olde Mills

Gore Factor:

1 / 5  Reanimated-Corpse Collages

Should you watch it?

Old movies are often hard to properly review, because the art form has changed so much over the decades and they are trying to achieve vastly different things. When this movie came out the concept of a movie with sound was only 4 years old. And as such movies from this time period are often a crossbreed. They have the direction and over-the-top emoting of a silent movie, but with the plotting and dialogue of a stage play.

So with that in mind, Frankenstein is quite well done. Although be warned that it takes a lot of liberties with the source material and thank goodness for that! Personally, I find that book to be friggin’ ridiculous. The funny thing though is that more than the book, it’s the Frankenstein from these old movies that has established itself the most in the public consciousness. That raving maniac doctor, the square-headed monster with bolts in its neck? That wasn’t Shelley’s story, that was pure movie magic.

So, yeah, I think you should totally watch it sometime. It’s pretty short, it’s insanely iconic, and the pairing of Colin Crive as Dr. Frankenstein and Boris Karloff as the monster? Amazing.

“Dangerous? Poor old Waldman. Have you never wanted to do anything that was dangerous? Where should we be if no one tried to find out what lies beyond? Have your never wanted to look beyond the clouds and the stars, or to know what causes the trees to bud? And what changes the darkness into light? But if you talk like that, people call you crazy. Well, if I could discover just one of these things, what eternity is, for example, I wouldn’t care if they did think I was crazy.”

31 Days of Spooky Movies: The Amityville Horror (2005)

Day #18

The Amityville Horror

(2005)

A family moves into a house where a brutal murder once took place, only to find out that it wasn't that an evil man once lived in their home, but that their home turns men evil.

Fright Factor:

2.2 / 5 Children on the Roof

Gore Factor:

3 / 5 Paranoid Nightmare Visions

Should I watch it?

Watching this movie is kind of like going out to a comfortable bar for drinks with some friends and then suddenly Ryan Reynolds is there and he’s putting the moves on you. On the one hand, you didn’t come to this club to be hit on by an increasingly drunk Ryan Reynolds, but on the other hand he keeps taking off his shirt and making you laugh by tweeting at children to tell them to go chop firewood for him. And yes, you probably should just get out of there, but darn it, you’re kind of curious how this night is gonna turn out.

In simpler terms: this is a film whose triumphs and failures are almost entirely hinged on a single casting choice.

I have seen Ryan Reynolds in way too many comedic roles for me to ever take him too seriously. Which means I could never take a lot of the movie too seriously; a not insignificant factor when it comes to achieving scares.

And yet watching Ryan Reynolds terrorize some children is simultaneously weirdly delightful and kind of unnerving. The whole point of the movie is that there’s this evil house that can pervert your nature to its will and turn you against those you love the most. So Reynolds’ performance—despite some inherent cheesiness—is often kind of secretly brilliant, because when he does cruel or mean things it actually does seem inherently against his character.

The result is that the movie oscillates wildly between standard 00’s horror, modern remake horror, and over-the-top-cheesy-good-fun horror. The inconsistency prevents me from saying that it’s a particularly amazing movie, but I’ve gotta give it credit, because I was thoroughly entertained throughout. Not always for the best of reasons, but entertained nevertheless.

At the end of the night, I think it would be a fun movie to watch with your go-to horror buddy. It’s kinda cheesy, kinda spooky, kinda clever, and kinda ridiculous.

And if nothing else: shirtless & ripped Ryan Reynolds telling off snotty-nosed kids.

“Houses don’t kill people. People kill people.”

31 Days of Spooky Movies: Ava's Possessions

Day #17

Ava’s Possessions

(2015)

When the demon possessing her is exorcised Ava awakens to find her life in shambles. Her friends are afraid of her, her family doesn’t know how to treat her anymore, and now she has to go a demonic possession support group in order for her to stay out of jail. And as if all that wasn’t enough, something happened that no one will tell her about, and getting to the bottom of it might just put her in more danger than the demon did.

Fright Factor:

1 / 5  Demonic Possessions

Gore Factor:

1 / 5 Rude Pimps

Should you watch it?

This could have been a really fun TV show, but instead settled on being a somewhat ramshackle movie. There’s all sorts of interesting plot elements and backstories and mysteries, yet somehow nothing manages to get any decent closure. If it had been a TV show this over abundance of content would have worked PERFECTLY! There would have been all sorts of great story arcs and drama and development, but instead we got this hot mess.

That being said, I still rather enjoyed watching it, because—in spite of its faults—it tried to do something new: a horror-twist on drug addiction and recovery wherein demonic possession serves as the stand-in.

Not to mention Louisa Krause does a great job as the lead, the film has an enjoyably quirky sense of style and some surprisingly nice effects considering the budget, and the choice to cast Carol Kane as the slightly eccentric owner of an occult shop? Brilliant.

I’m glad I watched it, but all in all the story was just too messy and ill-suited to its medium to make me want to casually recommend it to anyone.

“Hi, Ava.”

“Hi, mom. I told you to call first.”

“You’re not supposed to be drinking.”

“Haven’t you heard? I can handle my spirits.”

“Oh, you think it’s funny?”

“What are you? Some kind of expert? How can you know what this has been like for me?”

“I just know, okay?”

31 Days of Spooky Movies: The Last Exorcism Part 2

Day #17

The Last Exorcism:

Part II

(2013)

A young woman with a traumatic upbringing has a chance at a new start. But her past isn’t about to let her give it up without a fight.

Fright Factor:

1.5 / 5 Demonic Stalkers

Gore Factor:

1.5 / 5 Jerky Movements

Should you watch it?

I wouldn’t say it’s a particularly great movie, but it’s not like there was anything terrible about it either. All in all it’s a pretty lowkey flick. The boldest part of the movie by far is the fact that someone even tried to make a sequel to something titled The Last Exorcism in the first place.

Much like you’d expect from the title, there really wasn’t anything about the original movie that begged for a sequel. That being said, and against all odds, the filmmakers actually managed to create an interesting hook for the film in spite of that: demonic possession used as a metaphor for living with trauma and trying to find a way to move on.

This poor girl tries to escape her past and create a new life for herself. A new home, new friends, a whole new way of living. Yet despite her fervent desires to jettison her past and become someone new, she can never fully do it. The memories of her past and who she used to be (who she may always be), haunt her and terrorize her more than any demon ever could. Those are the parts that will stick with you long after the movie is over.

However, it often feels like the filmmakers created this interesting plotline on accident. They routinely try to keep shifting the focus of the movie back to exorcists and demons whenever possible. Instead of leaning into the whole horror-as-a-metaphor-for-trauma/grief/anxiety/etc. angle, the film tries to just use horror tropes straight and uncut. The result is that a film that could have been really unique is instead caused to repeatedly misfire into a cliche.

If you’re looking for a good scare I’d recommend you look elsewhere, because you are going to be disappointed. But if you just want to see a spooky movie that sticks its toe into originality (albeit briefly), then maybe give it a chance some lazy afternoon.

“Are you from a cult in the woods or something?”

31 Days of Spooky Movies: Night of the Comet

Day #16

Night of the Comet

(1984)

The Bad News:

Radiation from a mysterious comet has killed the vast majority of the world’s population and the mutated most of the rest.

The Good News:

Two sisters lucked out and dodged the comet’s effects, the malls are having a close out sale of epic proportions, and there is significantly less competition for any eligible (and unmutated) bachelors you might come across.

Fright Factor:

1 / 5  Piles of Dust

Gore Factor:

1 / 5  Mutant Faces

Should you watch it?


I know this is neither here nor there, but while doing my usual pre-writeup research I discovered that the star of this movie, Catherine Mary Stewart, has what has got to be the most flattering IMDB profile photo I have ever seen... 

Wait...what were we talking about? Oh yeah!

Ohmygosh, YES, you should totally watch this movie!

It would be easy to dismiss this as a dorky 80s so-bad-it’s-good kind of flick and I totally get it! Teenage girls in a post-apocalyptic world. One even wears a cheerleader outfit for most of the movie. There’s even a mall shopping montage and they bemoan the lack of eligible bachelors. It sounds super doofy, right?

HOWEVER, I am here to tell you that if you take a closer look you will see that what at first glance seems enjoyably flawed, is actually really well done and intentionally silly. Like any true 80s gem it has that wonderful combination of originality, delightful 80s tunes, and somehow managing to create a near perfect balance of silliness and sincerity.

There are a lot of elements I love about this movie, but at the top of the list is their depiction of young women. So often female characters (especially younger ones) can have one trait, but not any others. They can either be strong or ditzy, a brainiac or a bonehead, and so on and so on. However this film depicts young women in a way that reminds me so much of the ones I know and have met. They aren’t just one thing, but a whole spectrum. They can love sports and fashion and video games, all at the same time. They can have crushes and romantic fantasies without that being the sole focus of their lives. And whats more, they are smart and capable.

Really, it’s just so refreshing to see, ESPECIALLY in the spooky movie genre. Young women in spooky movies (even more so than other genres) are so often presented as boy-crazed, or a “strong female character,” or some other single-minded stereotype. But the sisters here are amazingly well rounded. They are allowed to sometimes be a nerd or a slacker or a caregiver or an ass kicker. In short they are allowed to act like real people.

Well, as real as you can get in for an 80s comedy-horror adventure...but still!

It’s that combination of ridiculous and realistic that makes this movie so amazing. It simultaneously meets and defies all your expectations, constantly causing you to reevaluate your assumptions.

“You were born with an asshole, Doris, you don’t need Chuck.”

31 Days of Spooky Movies: When Animals Dream

Day #15

Når Dyrene Drømmer

[When Animals Dream]

(2014)

In a small Danish fishing town a young woman learns she has the same strange disease as her mother. But when she refuses to hide its symptoms the town quickly turns against her.

Fright Factor:

2 / 5 Vespa Gangs

Gore Factor:

2 / 5 Fish Gutting Jobs

Should you watch it?

Yes.

Imagine, if you will, a Danish cross between Låt den rätte komma in [ Let the Right One In ] (2008) and Ginger Snaps (2000). I mean, if that doesn’t make you want to see this movie then I don’t know what will.

It’s extremely well shot, features some great actors, and has an ethically grey plot that leaves it up to you to decide who was the real monster.

To be fair the ending is a bit lackluster and the motivations of the love interest aren’t really explained at all. The result isn’t a complete miss, but it struck me as a bit lazy and failed to release the potential energy of the film’s tension as well as it could have. But other than that I don’t really have anything much to criticize about this movie.

While there is a lil bit of gore (unless you happen to be a fish in which case there is a LOT of gore) it really isn’t a film that’s trying to scare you. It’s a film that uses the monster genre as a metaphor. Similar to Låt den rätte komma in, the most frightening parts for me weren’t the monsters, but the bullies. I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing or just a lack of personal experience thing, but bullies in foreign movies are always doing shit that’s just full on crazy-town. Just no-question-about-it illegal kind of stuff.

In spite of the slightly lackluster ending, the rest of the film is an eerie and atmospheric piece that will get under your skin and make you ask some big questions about yourself and the world at large.

“If you leave the house like that,

I can’t help you anymore.”

31 Days of Spooky Movies: Krampus

Day #14.b

Krampus

(2015)

A dysfunctional family gets together for Christmas and subsequently creates a atmosphere so devoid of cheer that it summons an demonic entity named Krampus to wreck havoc upon their holiday.

Fright Factor:

1.5 / 5  Likable Characters

Gore Factor:

1 / 5 Holly Jolly Bite Marks

Should you watch it?

Ummm...I would say it’s one of those movies that are great to watch while you’re multitasking/not giving it your full attention (like while you’re wrapping presents or something), but if you’re just in the market for something good to watch I’d probably look elsewhere.

The whole thing suffers from a severe lack of any worthwhile or—failing that—relatable characters. Out of the 10 main characters there were really only 2 that I cared what happened to. We’re supposed to believe this is a family, but I found them wholly unrecognizable. The big sister lets her little brother be cruelly and openly mocked by her cousins. The dad interacts with his mom as if she was an old lady he took in off the street. And the list goes on. The audience has already accepted that this is a movie about an evil anti-Claus, but just how much more disbelief are we expected to suspend here?

Not to mention the whole premise doesn’t really make sense. A family loses its Christmas spirit and that allows an evil demon to just go and start killing every single person in town? Is Santa cool with all this? And if believing in Santa or the spirit of Christmas or whatever keeps him at bay, then why aren’t A LOT more families suffering the same fate? I spent most of the movie hoping Santa would show up and lay down some jolly justice, but unfortunately I wasn’t that lucky.

There are lots of great actors (Toni Collette, Allison Tolman, Adam Scott, Conchata Ferrell, Krista Stadler), lots of great practical effects, some really funny jokes, but the heaps of plot holes and poorly constructed characters prevented me from being able to really get into it.

P.S. The ending is really stupid. So watch out for that.

“I’m old enough to know when life is coming at me with its pants down.”