As of this moment I have tweeted a total of 365 times. I can't help but think that's a little bit cool. You could read one of them every day for a year! Heck, you certainly couldn't do that with these blog posts.
In honor of this abstract number, I've just read all of them. It turns out most of them are really dumb. For quite awhile it seems I just informed the internet of what I was up to. "Making a massive cake!" Thanks for sharing! But slowly they have become less about what I'm doing and more about what I'm thinking about. I suppose it depends on who you ask, but personally I find this kind to be a lot more interesting to look at later on.
To celebrate this random occasion I have ducked out of the responsibilities of creating something original by assembling a list of my Top 10 favorite Twitter posts. Not counting the ones where I'm quoting someone else, because that wouldn't seem fair.
10 I just inhaled a fair amount of orange freezer pop syrup.
9 I need to get a buddy to take naps at the same time as me. That way napping will seem like a bonding exercise instead of sheer laze.
8 Oh, heated seats! Like the sweet caress of a fiery angel across my buttocks.
7 Pro: Being productive and fixing the lightning rod. Con: Your productive decision leads to a shockingly conductive result. You are dead now.
6 If NASCAR sold tea at their events I can only imagine they'd call it NAS-Tea.
5 I think superstitions about bad luck were all created by the exasperated mother of a mischievous child.
4 An animated being on the hunt for brains+a metal monster who wants to fill its empty chest with organs+a deranged lion = The Wizard of OZ.
3 Flossing is like digging for buried treasure, except the treasure is disgusting and if you aren't careful your gums will bleed.
2 Meeting a pretty girl is like meeting a famous celebrity. It is exhilarating and rarely ends the way you would have hoped.
1 I have never once been ashamed of my physical inability to kick myself in the head.
And there you have them. Your picks may have been different and if you had thought ahead and sent them to me it would saved me the trouble of reading 365 messages of 140 or less characters. But you didn't. So we are stuck with these ones.