Book List 2012: Part 3

* = rewatched
[CB] = Children's Book
[GN] = Graphic Novel

26. [CB]

Mirror Mirror:

A Book of Reversible Verse

by. Marilyn Singer

illustrations by. Josée Masse

A book of verses about fairy tales that can be read both forwards and backwards.

“Isn't

this

a fairy tale?

A fairy tale

this
isn't...”

-inside flap

I love both fairy tales and wordplay so this was obviously something I had to check out. It wasn't as good as I was hoping, but I had pretty high hopes. Some of the verses were quite fun and others were just so-so. Overall though, while I don't think it's worth running out and buying, I do think it would be a fun book to check out at the library and read to your kid. It'd be a fun demonstration of how words are something you can play with. As well as how changing the order of words or changing the punctuation of a passage can drastically change its meaning.

“

In my hood.

skipping through the wood,

carrying a basket,

picking berries to eat—

juicy and sweet

what a treat!

But a girl

mustn't dawdle.

After all, Grandma's waiting.

After all, Grandma's waiting,

mustn't dawdle...

But a girl!

What a treat—

juicy and sweet,

picking berries to eat,

carrying a basket,

skipping through the wood

in my 'hood.
”

-pg 9-10

27.*

The Elephant Vanishes

by. Haruki Murakami

A collection of surreal short stories.

Have you ever had a dream that was more or less reality? It didn't take place in a space ship or a castle or anything like that. It was just a normal everyday place. But something was...off about it. Something just didn't seem in-line with reality. Reading a short story by Haruki Murakami is a lot like that. It is like sitting in on someone else's dream.

A lot of people don't care for Murakami's work and I don't necessarily blame them. It's not for everyone, but personally I find it oddly fascinating. I really don't know what to say. It isn't like most stuff out there and because of that you might either love it or hate it.

“

“I want ten minutes of your time,” comes a woman’s voice out of the blue.

“Excuse me?” I blurt back in surprise. “How’s that again?”

“I said, just ten minutes of your time, that’s all I want,” the woman repeats.

I have absolutely no recollection of ever hearing this woman’s voice before. And I pride myself on a near-perfect ear for voices, so I’m sure there’s no mistake. This is the voice of a woman I don’t know. A soft, low, nondescript voice.

“Pardon me, but what number might you have been calling?” I put on my most polite language.

“What difference does that make? All I want is ten minutes of your time. Ten minutes to come to an understanding.” She cinches the matter quick and neat.

“Come to an understanding?”

“Of our feelings,” says the woman succinctly.

”

pg. 4-5

28.

Hot Six

by. Janet Evanovich

Stephanie Plum is back and this time...its personal. Kind of. Ranger is wanted for murder and it's up to Stephanie to clear his name. Unfortunately for her other people want to find him as well and won't leave her alone. Not to mention there's a crazy wife-beating FTA who keeps trying to set her on fire, a grandma who decides she's moving in, and where on Earth did this dog come from!?

The mystery in this book really wasn't very interesting. But the humor more than made up for that. It was definitely one of the funniest books in the series so far. My goodness. I was cracking up left and right. A couple parts had be laughing so hard I had to put the book down

“

The dog suddenly stopped walking and hunched over, and Lula and Bob and I took off across the grass. I had Bob on the leash, and Lula was waving the chicken bucket and paper bag, and we were running full tilt when the woman looked and saw us. The color drained from her face, and she staggered backward.

“I'm old,” she said. “I haven't got any money. Go away. Don't hurt me.”

“We don't want your money,” Lula said. “We want your poop.”

The woman choked up on the dog's leash. “You can't have the poop. I have to take the poop home. It's the law.”

“The law don't say you gotta take it home," Lula said. “It's just somebody gotta do it. And we're volunteering.”

...

“I don't know if that's right,” the woman said. “I never heard of that. I think I'm supposed to take the poop home."

“Okay," said Lula, “we'll pay you for the poop.”...

...

“I won't take any less than five dollars,” the woman said.

“Turns out we don't have any money on us,” Lula said.

“Then it's my poop,” the woman said.

“The heck it is,” Lula said, muscling the old woman out of the way and scooping the poop up in the chicken bucket. “We need this poop.”

“Help!" the woman yelled. “They're taking my poop! Stop! Thief!”

”

32.

The Girl in the Flammable Skirt

by. Aimee Bender

A collection of short stories that walk between the borders of reality and fantasy.

Aimee Bender's book of short stories Willfull Creatures was one of my favorites of 2010. The stories had that quality I look for in a short story: memorability. I probably went into this one with too high of hopes, but this book was disappointing. I can barely remember any of the stories in it.

“

There were two mutant girls in the town: one had a hand made of fire and the other had a hand made of ice. Everyone else's hands were normal. The girls first met in elementary school and were friends for about three weeks. Their parents were delighted; the mothers in particular spent hours on the phone describing over and over the shock of delivery day.

I remember one afternoon, on the playground, the fire girl grabbed hold of the ice girl's hand and—Poof—just like that, each equalized the other. Their hands dissolved into regular flesh—exit mutant, enter normal. The fire girl panicked and let go, finding that her fire reblazed right away, while the ice spun back fast around the other girl's fingers like a cold glass turban.

”

-pg.121

33.

American Vampire, vol. 2

by. Scott Snyder

art by. Rafael Albuquerque & Mateus Santolouco

It's the 1930s and things are heating up in Las Vegas. As if dealing with the ever increasing rise of trouble in Sin City wasn't enough, police chief Cash McCogan finds himself investigating a string of gruesome murders. The case leads McCogan to some suspicious federal agents, an increasingly supernatural trail of clues, and, of course, a sinister entrepreneur named Skinner Sweet.

I'm really enjoying this series. Not only are the monster elements enjoyable, but the historical details are awesome too. This comic got me to go read a book about the history of Las Vegas afterwards. That's how interesting it made it all seem. Teach your child about how interesting history canbe by giving them comic books about vampires. That's a win-win situation right there.

“

When I was a boy, I used to have nightmares about monsters hiding in the shadows of my bedroom.

I used to wake up screaming and still see them everywhere, in ever dark corner.

I wouldn't go back to sleep until my father lit the lamps and proved the corners and closets were all clear.

I'm a man now. I recently laid my father to rest and when I can't sleep, I go walking.

Looking around, I'm struck by how bright the damn night's become. I makes me wonder...

What happens to those childhood monsters when there are no more shadows to hide in? Do they leave? Do they move on?

Or do they simply learn how to live in the light?

”

pg 7

34.

Seven Up

by. Janet Evanovich

It's up to top-notch bail enforcement agent Stephanie Plum to take in an old man. No problem, right? Hey, give her a break...he's wily. And she's got a lot on her plate. She's gotten wrapped up in an ever-escalating lie about marrying her boyfriend, her normally perfect sister's life is going down the tubes and has moved back to town, everyone seems to be trying to kill her stoner friend Mooner, and people will not stop breaking into her apartment!

Really, sometimes I'm just not sure I really need to tell you about these books. It isn't like you're going to start reading them starting with #7 or anything. So instead I will mention that my friend Sarah decided to read part of this one without having read 2-6 and then she went on to tell me that Stephanie and Morrelli were getting married in it. But that doesn't happen at all! That's what you get when you listen to people who haven't actually read the entire book. And she was so cocky about it too! "Oh yeah, I saw that coming from a mile away." Did you Sarah? Did you really?

“

There was some fumbling at the door, the door swung open, and Mooner ambled in. Mooner was wearing a head-to-toe purple spandex bodysuit with a big silver M sewn onto the chest.

“Hey dude,” Mooner said. “I tried calling you, but you were never home. I wanted to show you my new Super Mooner Suit.”

“Cripes,” Benny said, “he looks like a flaming fruit.”

“I'm a superhero, dude,” the Mooner said.

“Super fruitcake is more like it. You walk around in this suit all day?”

“No way, dude. This is my secret suit. Ordinarily I only wear this when I'm doing super deeds, but I wanted the dudette here to get the full impact, so I changed in the hall.”

“Can you fly like Superman?” Benny asked Mooner.

“No, but I can fly in my mind, dude. Like, I can soar.”

“Oh boy,” Benny said.

”

pg.29

35.* [CB]

Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle

by. Betty MacDonald

A strange old lady, and friend to all the neighboorhood's children, helps exasperated parents with their children's bad habits.

I read this book because I remembered hearing some of these stories when I was a kid, but I couldn't remember what they were about. I probably should have taken that as a sign. They aren't bad per se, but I still wouldn't recommend this to anyone. It's just terribly dated. I mean it is pretty darn obvious it was written over 50 years ago. Plus I cannot begin to imagine why a child would want to hear a collection of stories about parents tricking their kids out of behaving badly.

“

The most remarkable thing about Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle is her house, which is upside down. It is a little brown house, and sitting there in its tangly garden it looks like a small brown puppy lying on its back with its feet in the air. Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle says that when she was a little girl she used to lie in bed and gaze up at the ceiling and wonder and wonder what it would be like if the house were upside down. And so when she grew up and built her own house she had it built upside down, just to see. The bathroom, the kitchen and the staircase are right side up—they are more convenient that way. You can easily see that you could not cook on an upside-down stove or wash dishes in an upside-down sink or walk up upside-down stairs.

In the living room of her house is a large chandelier and instead of being on the the ceiling it is on the floor. Of course it is really on the ceiling, but the ceiling is the floor and so it is on the floor and the children turn on the lights and then squat around it pretending it is a campfire. Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle says that her chandelier is the only one in town which is put to any real use.

”

pg.11

36.

Ready Player One

by. Ernest Cline

Mild mannered Wade Watts finds himself in a mess of attention when he becomes the first person to crack the first clue in a virtual reality treasure hunt. However, the hunt's prize is riches beyond imagining and people will do anything to get there first. Will Wade's abundant knowledge of 80's trivia be enough to save him? Wait...what?

This book, in a word, is Ridiculous. It is a Master's Class in Wish Fulfillment. Now bear with me (or skip ahead), because I'm about to get my rant on.

Imagine with me for a moment, a nerd trying to come up with his perfect world:

• What if being really good at video games and knowing a lot of 80's trivia was cool?

• What if you could have a job that made use of those skills?

• What if those skills could make you Rich, Famous, AND POPULAR!

• And what if they had full immersion virtual reality systems where you could be playing the game, but it'd be just like you were actually there!
  
  
• And what if all the running you did in the game counted as real-life exercise so you could stay in shape from playing video games?
  

• What if you could go to school using those virtual reality systems and that way if a bully made fun of you you could just best him with your intelligent wit and since the school program wouldn't allow fighting there'd be nothing he could do about it!

• What if there was this girl and she was just as good at video games and 80's trivia as you are? And she was like really popular, and you had a crush on her, but she didn't know you existed. But then in a feat of 80's trivia/video game prowess you impress her and then you start hanging out?
  
  
• Oh! And what if you could go with her to the big dance, but since you don't actually know how to dance you could just run a computer program to dance for you?
  

• And since most girls are apparently looking for more in a guy than sweet 80's trivia skillz (those crazy girls and their standards, amiright?), and you've got truly horrible social skills from spending all your time playing video games and memorizing 80's trivia, this girl of your dreams still might not go for you...So what if that girl had some self esteem problems!? Like if she had really bad self-image problems (but only because of like a birth mark or a scar or maybe she was a little chubby or something...you know, nothing TOO bad). And then she wouldn't think she was pretty and so when you tell her that she's beautiful she'll fall right for you, because she won't know that she can do better!
  

...I mean...Holy Shit! This book grants every single one of those wishes and more. It's like a fairy godmother turned a nerd's wetdream into a novel. You know, I'm pretty sure that some iteration of all of those questions have crossed my mind at one time or another, but they were promptly followed by the thought, "No wait...that's really fucking stupid." (Actually that's what follows most of my thoughts in general.) And if you think about it for any amount of time they are all really stupid wishes. Don't believe me? Here's why, in order:

• What if being really good at video games and knowing a lot of 80's trivia was cool?
  
  Hang out with the right kind of people and it will. But you're saying you want EVERYONE to think you're cool because of your skills? Well grow the fuck up.
  
  

• What if you could have a job that made use of those skills?
  
  There are jobs that make use of those skills. Video game reviewers, article writers and bloggers for certain websites, the writers of Family Guy, etc.
  
  

• What if those skills could make you Rich, Famous, AND POPULAR!
  
  Yeah, but you can wish that about anything you're good at. Personally I think you'd be better off shooting for: financially secure, respected, well liked, and HAPPY!
  
  

• And what if they had full immersion virtual reality systems where you could be playing the game, but it'd be just like you were actually there!
  
  Well, that might be a sign that you're way too interested in escaping reality, but sure. That would have the potential to be pretty fun.
  
  

• And what if all the running you did in the game counted as real-life exercise so you could stay in shape from playing video games?
  
  Maybe you should just get outside and exercise?
  
  
  
• What if you could go to school using those virtual reality systems and that way if a bully made fun of you you could just best him with your intelligent wit and since the school program wouldn't allow fighting there'd be nothing he could do about it!
  
  I guess I can understand not wanting to be bullied, but if your dream is to be able to bully the bullies with your intellect then you're really no different than they are.
  
  

• What if there was this girl and she was just as good at video games and 80's trivia as you are? And she was like really popular, and you had a crush on her, but she didn't know you existed. But then in a feat of 80's trivia/video game prowess you impress her and then you start hanging out?
  
  Or you could just...talk to her? Invite her to the arcade or to some showing of an 80's movie or something. That would probably be a lot easier and much more likely to actually work.
  
  

• Oh! And what if you could go with her to the big dance, but since you don't actually know how to dance you could just run a computer program to dance for you?
  
  Personally, I cannot dance so I can understand the embarrassment that comes along when dancing situations arise. But really, if you wish you could dance go LEARN HOW TO DANCE! There's probably a million classes out there that can teach you how to dance. Or if you're like me and never go to places that require dancing skills, then you're just gonna have to try to have fun while you look ridiculous on the dance floor from time to time.
  
  

• ...So what if that girl had some self esteem problems!? Like if she had really bad self-image problems (but only because of like a birth mark or a scar or maybe she was a little chubby or something...you know, nothing TOO bad). And then she wouldn't think she was pretty and so when you tell her that she's beautiful she'll fall right for you, because she won't know that she can do better!
  
  This one is the craziest of them all. I can say from personal experience that it comes from a place of having a very, very low opinion of yourself and believing that they only way a woman would ever be interested in you is if she was "damaged" somehow. But really, think about that for a little while. On one hand you could fantasize about meeting a strong, confident, beautiful girl who likes you for who you are. OR you could fantasize about meeting a girl who relies solely on you to feel good about herself and has decided to just settle for you. I'm not gonna tell you how to live your fantasy life, but the choice is pretty obvious.
  

Okay, I'm done ranting. I'll go back to reviewing.

Admittedly it was fun to see all the references to different nerdy stuff. But really that's all this book has to offer. And because of that I can't imagine anyone who didn't know a lot of nerdy shit would enjoy this book. Actually I'm really not all that sure that nerds would really like the book all the book either (nerds not into wish fulfilment fantasies that is). Why not? Well, because I'm fairly nerdy and I thought it was pretty stupid, for one.

But mostly I'd say that because a lot of this book isn't showing anyone a fascinating new world, it's just referencing famous world's we're already familiar with. Nerds already spend a lot of time discussing their favorite stories and entertaining What-If scenarios, we don't need to read transcripts of other people doing the same thing. I mean, there is honestly over 2 pages in which two nerds debate the merits of the 80's movie Ladyhawke. 2 pages...devoted to a discussion that is in no way relevant to the plot.

“

“How many times have you seen that sapfest? I know you've made me sit through it at least twice.” He was baiting me now. He knew Ladyhawke was one of my guilty pleasures, and that I'd seen it over two dozen times.

“I was doing you a favor by making you watch it, noob,” I said. I shoved a new cartridge into the Intellivision console and started up a single-player game of Astrosmash. “You'll thank me one day. Wait and see. Ladyhawke is canon.”

...

“Surely, you must be joking,” Aech said.

“No, I am not joking. And don't call me Shirley.”

He lowered the magazine and leaned forward. “There is no way Halliday was a fan of Ladyhawke. I guarantee it.”

...

“Then please explain to me why he owned Ladyhawke on both VHS and LaserDisc?” A list of all the films in Halliday's collection at the time of his death was included in the appendices of Anorak's Almanac. We both had the list memorized.

“The guy was a billionaire! He owned millions of movies, most of which he probably never even watched! He had DVDs of Howard the Duck and Krull, too. That doesn't mean he liked them, asshat. And it sure as hell doesn't make them canon.”

“It's not up for debate, Homer,” I said. “Ladyhawke is an eighties classic.”

“It's fucking lame, is what it is! The swords look like they were made out of tinfoil. And that soundtrack is epically lame. Full of synthesizers and shit. By the motherfucking Alan Parsons Project! Lame-o-rama! Beyond lame. Highlander II lame.”

“Hey!” I feigned hurling my Intellivision controller at him. “Now you're just being insulting! Ladyhawke's cast alone makes the film canon! Roy Batty! Ferris Bueller! And the dude who player Professor Falken in WarGames!” I searched my memory for the actor's name. “John Wood! Reunited with Matthew Broderick!”

“A real low point in both of their careers,” he said, laughing. He loved arguing old movies, even more than I did.”

”

-pg.40-41

40.

Hard Eight

by. Janet Evanovich

Bounty hunter Stephanie Plum might have finally have gotten herself in over her head. While investigating a child custody bond she gets herself mixed into a situation with a very dangerous man named Eddie Abruzzi. Both her mentor Ranger, and her sometimes boyfriend police officer Joe Morelli have warned her that he is not the kind of person you want to mess with. And she's starting to learn that lesson first hand when a man in a rabbit suit starts trying to murder her.

None of the mysteries in these books recently have really been up to snuff. But you know what? As long as there's a decent bad guy, and I'm still having fun while reading it and getting some solid laughs, then I don't care. This one had those elements and thus I quite enjoyed it.

“

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time rolling on the ground with men who think a stiffy represents personal growth. The rolling has nothing to do with my sex life. The rolling around is what happens when a bust goes crapola and there's a last ditch effort to hog-tie a big, dumb bad guy possessing a congenitally defective frontal lobe.

”

pg. 1

41. [GN]

Orbiter

by. Warren Ellis

art by. Colleen Doran

When a manned space shuttle mysteriously disappears it causes manned-space flight programs to be scrapped entirely. However, years later the unthinkable happens: the shuttle returns. the shuttle's captain is the only one of the crew left alive, but his mental state is unstable at best, but he's the only one who can explain what happened all those years ago.

This is an odd book. Odd in the sense that when I first finished it I thought it was amazing for some reason. But not long afterward I started thinking about it and pulled a complete 180. It wasn't amazing at all. In fact it was kind of ridiculous. The art really isn't my cup of tea (personally I feel that it doesn't convey emotions very well at all). The story is clunky and filled with plot holes. And the ending seems not only forced but also rushed.

The story has a number of interesting elements to it, but it doesn't use them well enough. I think if they took a lot more time and told a longer story it could have gotten somewhere. But it didn't. So if you want to read a great story about an astronaut coming back from a mission where everyone died but them and a psychiatrist is trying to find out what happened to them: go read The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russel. Because that book was amazing. Seriously. Just go read that instead.

“

The space shuttle Venture is the reason why the manned space program collapsed.

It is also the greatest mystery in the history of manned spaceflight.

For it disappeared from Earth orbit ten years ago taking a crew of seven with it.

This final NASA disaster committed the Earth to programs of robotic discovery only.

No human has been in space for a decade.

The Venture has come back to Earth, ten years late.

”

pg. 10