Book List 2012: Part 6

* = reread
[GN] = Graphic Novel
[CB] = Children's Book

64. [GN]

Lost & Found

by. Shaun Tan

A collection of three graphic novel short stories.

Once again I don't recall what prompted me to read this one. Regardless, it was very good. Surprisingly poignant as well.

The story “The Rabbits” tells of the Aborigines of Australia and the invasion of the Europeans as told from the point of rabbits and is a very powerful story.

“The Lost Thing” tells of a boy who finds a strange..."thing" and doesn't know what to do with it. And the piece works as an intriguing metaphor of sorts.

“The Red Tree”, however, is my favorite of the three by far. It's kind of a graphic journey through the cloud of someone's depression and finally the light on the other end. It was really quite beautiful.

I also quite liked the Authors Notes section at the end. Some of the things mentioned there were things I hadn't noticed and it gave me a new appreciation for the subtleties at work in the stories.

“

sometimes you just don't know what you are supposed to do or who you are meant to be

”

65.

Mermaids on the Golf Course

by. Patricia Highsmith

A collection of Patricia Highsmith's chilling short stories.

Even if you aren't aware of it, you've all probably heard of Patricia Highsmith before. Unless of course you've managed to go through life without ever hearing the titles The Talented Mr. Ripley and Strangers on a Train before.

A lot of the time when you think about Horror you think about the supernatural: ghosts and zombies and monsters and whatnot. Or perhaps you think of rare perversions of humanity like serial killers and the like. What Patricia Highsmith is so good at doing is showing that ordinary people and everyday life can be horrifying too.

For instance the most frightening story in the book for me was a story called “The Button”. It's about a man and his wife and their baby son who has down syndrome. The man in the story is obviously not meant to be a good person. He thinks all kinds of horrible things about his wife and their son and about others. But the thing that really chilled me as I was reading it is that he was relatable. He and his wife had this perfect life and then they had a son who changed everything. Suddenly his life took a turn down a road he never wanted to go down and things aren't how he imagined them to be. And even though he can't stop thinking these horrible things about his son, he's really not mad at his son. He's just furious at life and at God and he doesn't know how to deal with his emotions. He feels like he's being punished and his son is being punished for something they never did. And you end up finding yourself relating on some level to this guy who's thinking and doing all these bad things and it's just...scary. Scary to think that you can relate to someone like that on some level. And you wonder what that says about you.

And then there are stories like the title “Mermaids on the Golf Course” which is kind of funny and at the same time very sad. Or stories like “The Stuff of Madness” which at first seems rather fantastical, but then at the end you see it all for what it really was.

These stories won't keep you up all night fearing the creatures in the shadows, but it will make you take a look inside yourself fearing what hides in your personal shadows. So if you're in the mood for something chilling like that you should definitely check it out.

“

Eleanor had been sewing neatly all day, sewing after dinner, too, and it was getting on for eleven o'clock. She looked away from her machine, sideways towards the hall door, and saw something about two feet high, something grayish black, which after a second or two moved and was lost from view in the hall. Eleanor rubbed her eyes. Her eyes smarted, and it was delicious to rub them. But since she was sure she had not really seen something, she did not get up from her chair to go and investigate. She forgot about it.

She stood up after five minutes or so, after tidying her sewing table, putting away her scissors, and folding the yellow dress whose side seams she had just let out. The dress was ready for Mrs. Burns tomorrow. Always letting out, Eleanor thought, never taking in. People seemed to grow sideways, not upward any more, and she smiled at this fuzzy little thought. She was tired, but she had had a good day. She gave her cat Bessie a saucer of milk—rather creamy milk, because Bessie liked the best of everything—heated some milk for herself and took it in a mug to bed.

The second time she saw it, however, she was not tired, and the sun was shining brightly. This time, she was sitting in the armchair, putting a zipper in a skirt, and as she knotted her thread, she happened to glance at the door that went into what she called the side room, a room off the living room at the front of the house. She saw a squarish figure about two feet high, an ugly little thing that at first suggested an upended sandbag. It took a moment before she recognized a large square head, thick feet in heavy shoes, incredibly short arms with big hands that dangled.

Eleanor was half out of her chair, her slender body rigid.

The thing didn't move. But it was looking at her.

”

pg. 163

66.* [CB]

The Doodle Flute

by. Daniel Pinkwater

Kevin Spoon meets a kid named Mason Mintz who owns a magical flute. Kevin wants that flute so bad, but Mason refuses to sell it to him. And out of that a great friendship develops.

Daniel Pinkwater books always remind me of my friend Jack. He's always been a big Pinkwater fan and so the first time I read Pinkwater's stuff was at Jack's house.

He really is an odd sort of author. His drawings have a kind of unpolished quality to them. He almost always refers to characters by their full names. Things like that. And yet there's also something about that oddness that makes his work kind of endearing.

This particular story is a pretty charming story. It deals with wanting something that you can't buy, the meaning of friendship, and of how sharing can bring people together.

“

Mason Mintz and his mother and father planted stuff in their backyard.

They grew pumpkins.

Mason Mintz saw Kevin Spoon.

“Ho, Kevin,” he said.

“What do you mean, 'Ho,'?” Kevin Spoon said. “You're supposed to say 'Hi.'”

“Why?” Mason Mintz asked.

“Because that's what you say.” Kevin Spoon said. “Nobody says, 'Ho.'”

“I say it,” Mason Mintz said.

“Why?”

“I like the way it sounds,” Mason Mintz said.

“You're not normal,” Kevin Spoon said.

“Maybe not,” Mason Mintz said.

”

67.* [CB]

Author's Day

by. Daniel Pinkwater

Bramwell Wink-Porter is a children's book author who has been invited to an elementary school to talk to the kids. However, when he shows up he finds that they have him confused with the author of a different book.

This book is really quite funny. I was laughing at a number of parts in it. It is just so silly and isn't afraid to go for a ridiculous joke. Plus I love how the characters this poor author meets just all seem to have this bizarre sense of logic that just leaves him befuddled.

“

“Here is your sandwich,” said a teacher, handing a paper bag to Bramwell Wink-Porter. “It is bologna and shredded carrots with extra mayonnaise, the favorite lunch of the Fuzzy Bunny in your wonderful book.”

“I did not write that book, you know,” said Bramwell Wink-Porter.

“I am Mrs. Wheatbeet,” said the teacher. “I have written a book, too. It is called Bunnies in Love. I have it here. It is nine hundred pages long. I wonder if you would read it while you eat your lunch.”

“It is a very long book,” Bramwell Wink-Porter said.

“If you like, you can give me your address,” Mrs. Wheatbeet said. “I will bring you the book, and I will wait in my car while you read it.”

“Perhaps that would be better,” Bramwell Wink-Porter said.

”

68. [CB]

Orange, Pear, Apple, Bear

by. Emily Gravett

“In only five words—four of which are in the title—Kate Greenaway Medalist Emily Gravett presents a delightful picture book that is “simple and studding” (The Guardian), and “daring, original, and a joy” (Sunday Times, London).”

-inside flap

It's a kids' book that teaches about the importance of proper punctuation usage! Do I really need to say anything else? It's a silly book with great artwork that is all about how changing punctuation can drastically change the meaning of words! I mean...that's just awesome.

69. [CB]

Blue Chicken

by. Deborah Freedman

“All this chicken wants to do is help. But when she spills a pot of blue paint, the other animals sure don't find her helpful. And things only get worse—and more blue—the harder she tries. Poor chicken! Can anything undo the blue?”

-inside flap

Yeah, this one just wasn't for me. It's kind of bizarrely surreal. And yet some of the pictures in this book are simply outstanding. I just loved how they showed splashes. Yeah, so the story is a little lacking, and while the art isn't always my sort of thing it is very well done. I mean, when an art style isn't up your alley and you still find yourself being impressed with it from time to time you've gotta admit that it is well done.

70. [CB]

Little Mouse's Big Book of Fears

by. Emily Gravett

A little mouse uses journals and doodles to try and overcome her many, many fears.

As you've probably noticed already, I've been reading a lot of Emily Gravett. After I read Blue Chameleon, I liked it so much that I went and requested a ton of her other books.

But I'm not so sure about this one. Although I did like a lot of things about it. I like the art work. I really like all the latin phobias for everything. And I like the idea of using a journal or artwork to try and come to terms with the things you're afraid of.

I didn't really care for some of the "multi-media" aspects of the book as they seemed a little much and thus distracting. And I guess I didn't really like that the book is aiming at having kids write their own fears in the book, as every single page has a thing that says "Use the space below to record your fears". But they really don't give a lot of room. Not to mention that that would mean writing in the book! Aggh! I don't like that idea. I'd rather if it just incited parents to go get some paper and crayons and work together at writing down their own fears together. I think that'd be a fun activity for parents and kids as it'd show kids that everyone is afraid of something and that acknowledging your fears is the first step to overcoming them.

“

Tetratophobia
(Fear of monsters)


I worry about what's under the bed.


Clinophobia
(Fear of going to bed)

”

71. [CB]

Spells

by. Emily Gravett

A frog finds a book of spells, but unfortunately it's all torn up. It's up to you to put the spell back together and see if you can turn him into a prince.

“Frog enjoys dressing up, playing make believe, and eating flies. He is good at hopping really high and cut 'n' stick. He is not very good at fixing things, or spelling.”

-back of book

Okay this one is kinda fun. You know those things where you flip pages/turn thing and it gives a different head and middle and bottom to some creature? So you can have a head of a bird and the middle of a bear and the feet of a newt? Well this is kind of like that. You pick a top part of the spell and you pick a bottom part of the spell and then that turns the frog into a combination of those things. There's a Frog, Rabbit, Snake, Bird, Newt, and Prince.Plus the spells rhyme with the creation. It's really silly, but it's also surprisingly fun to mess around with.

“

Spell
to become a
Handsome Prince

Into
the cauldron
these words cast

String Thing
Forked Tongue

Alakazird

Stir three times and out spells...

SN IRD

”

72. [CB]

The Rabbit Problem

by. Emily Gravett

“This book is based on a problem that was solved in the 13th Century by the Mathematician Fibonacci, but it is NOT (I repeat NOT) a book about math. It is a book about rabbits...Lots of rabbits!”

-back of book

I'd have to say that this is my least favorite of the Emily Gravett books. It takes place in kind of a calendar format where the open pages is one month, and then you turn the page and that's the next month and so on. And then like just calendar, on each month there's an illustration on the top and down on the bottom there's the days and things that've happened on those days. Plus most months feature some kind of "multi-media" things that I really didn't care for. You know, like this month has a card, and this month has a photo album, and this month has a cookbook, etc. Just not my kind of thing. Though I will say that like usual the art is really good. If you ever come across it feel free to scan through it just to look at the drawings. I really like Gravett's art style.

73. [CB]

Wolves

by. Emily Gravett

“What do wolves really like to eat? It isn't little girls in red hoods. Rabbits shouldn't believe what they read in fairy tales, but this book has the facts.”

-inside flap

I would say this one is my second least favorite, but it's still alright. I did get a kick out of the ending. Definitely didn't think they'd go there. I believe that this was Emily Gravett's first book. And as first books go it's pretty good.

Book List 2012: Part 5

* = reread
[CB] = Children's Book
[GN] = Graphic Novel

53.* [CB]

The Stinky Cheese Man

and Other Fairly Stupid Tales

by. Jon Scieszka & Lane Smith

A collection of fairy tale parodies.

I've read this one before and, like the last time, I picked it up because it sounded like it would be right up my alley. I love fairy tales and thus I tend to love things that play around with the genre. Overall I'd say that this book isn't as good as I was hoping. A lot of it is pretty forgettable, which explains why I couldn't remember anything about it from the first time I read it. However, I've got to admit that a few of the stories were pretty darn good and made me laugh.

“

“So anyway, this girl is running to her granny's house when she meets a wolf. He tricks her into taking the long way while he takes a short cut. Now this is the good part because Red runs so fast that she beats the wolf to granny's house. He knocks on the door. Red answers it. And guess what she says? 'My What slow feet you have.' And that's it. The End. Is that great or what?”

”

54. [CB]

John, Paul, George, & Ben

by. Lane Smith

The stories of the founding fathers as children.

Once again Lane Smith has suckered me in with an interesting premise and a catchy title. He's a wily fellow that one. And I keep trying out his stuff despite the fact that I'm always left feeling like the story doesn't live up to the premise.

This one does have some rather cute bits, though. It's definitely better than a lot of the other Lane Smith books I've read recently, and it features the best artwork of all of them. Some parts were actually quite fun, but other parts were just kind of lame.

I did like how at the end it talked about what parts of the story were based on real facts and which ones are just popular myths and did so in a pretty fun way. While I would never buy the thing, I would certainly consider checking it out from the library around the 4th of July as a way of introducing a kid to some figures of American history.

“

Once there were four lads: John, Paul, George, and Ben.*

*Make that five lads.

There was also Independent Tom

(always off doing his OWN thing).

”

55.

Voodoo Heart

by. Scott Snyder

A collection of short stories.

Scott Snyder, as you may have noticed, is the same person who writes those American Vampire comics I've been reading. As you can guess, I've been requesting a bunch of other stuff that he's written. And I wasn't disappointed. I really enjoyed all of the stories (a very good quality to have in a collection of short stories).

Short story collections are hard to talk about because they're just that: a collection of stories. One is about a guy who gets a job playing trumpet at an army-esque school and falls in love with his boss's daughter. Another one is about a man who is trying to get over the fact that his wife left him because she was in love with another man: a comatose country singer. My favorite story, however, was about a pilot who picks up a runaway bride.

“

As he approached the plane, though, he noticed a figure sitting on the lower port wing. Lord God, he thought. Charley. Waiting to pound him. John struggled to come up with some way of avoiding a fight, something he could say, but when he neared the plane he saw that the figure wasn't Charley at all. But the girl. The bride.

She was still wearing her wedding dress. On her feet were a pair of scuffed black boots. Her hair hung down the front of her shoulder in a long red braid. To John she looked like a discarded fairy-tale character, a princess plucked from a storybook and dropped onto the wing of his plane in a heap of twinkling fabric.

“I left a note,” John said to her. “I'm not trying to sneak off.”

The girl nodded at a valise sitting beside the plane's wheel. “I am,” she said.

”

pg 242-243

57.

Syrup

by. Maxx Barry

A creative marketing whiz named "Scat" teams up with an intelligent and business savvy girl named "6" and together they attempt to sell a new idea to Coca-Cola. But they're about to get a first-hand look at just how ruthless the world of marketing can be.

I read this book on a whim because my friend Nick recommended it to me, so I wasn't sure what to expect. However, I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's a lot of fun and the story got me hooked and wanting to know what happens next. Oddly the book I find myself wanting to compare it to is Atlas Shrugged.

I actually really like about 2/3's of Atlas Shrugged. Before it gets wholly ridiculous and super preachy it is just an interesting story about these business owners (of railroads and steel factories) that are trying to compete with the odds stacked against them. Since I don't know much about owning a business or of competing in the business world I found it really interesting. This book is interesting for similar reasons, except that unlike Atlas Shrugged: it's talking about the world of marketing and not steel or railroads, it's rather funny, and it doesn't go off the rails in the third act.

“

“Then maybe,” Logistics says, sharing a secret, “we should market her.”

Silence, as the room digests this.

“Could you please explain that remark, please?” 6 says.

“Apparently,” Logistics says, sharing a secret, “Hollywood studios have been renaming stars for years. To make them more appealing to the public. Big stars, like Kirk Douglas and even John Wayne”—his eyes sweep the room—“used to have stupid, hard-to-remember names. But with a new name, they became famous.” He tips a wink in my direction. “Perception is reality.”

I struggle mightily against the urge to lean across the table and smack him. Saying Perception is reality to a marketer as if you're handing out clever advice is grossly insulting. It's like saying to an accountant: Now make sure those numbers add up; or to a new mother: You know, you have to feed them or they die. Never, never do it.

”

pg. 211

58. [CB]

Tiny Little Fly

by. Michael Rosen

illustrated by. Kevin Waldron

A children's book about a little fly who gets on all the animals nerves.

Okay, I really liked this one. The art had a really interesting look and style to it. Plus the book was really big so all the pictures really had room to stretch out. And I think it was written really well and would be a fun one to read to a kid. There's rhymes and sections with sound effects that you could have a lot of fun with.

Would I consider buying it for myself despite the fact that I don't have any kids? If I saw it used? Yes. I probably would.

“

Tiny Little Fly
sees great big toes...

Tiny Little Fly
sits on Elephant's nose.

Great Big Elephant
winks one eye,
says to himself,
“I'm going to catch that fly!”

Great Big Elephant winks the other eye.

TRAMP! CRUSH! TRAMP!

But off flies the fly.

”

59. [CB]

Cats' Night Out

by. Caroline Stutson

illustrated by. J. Klassen

The story of the alley cats who're called to the streets every night by the sound of music and their love of dance.

The entire time I was reading this one I couldn't help but think about my friend Sarah. Because Sarah, you see, actually does like to get dressed up and go out in the evenings and dance. Which is pretty much what this book is all about.

Not to mention that mister Jon Klassen does the art! Ever since I read I Want My Hat Back I've been tracking down and reading books Klassen has done the art for. I love his stuff. Love love love it.

Oh, and I really like the rhyming in this book. The combination of good poetry and awesome art means that chances are high that I would buy this one if I saw a price I liked. Although the chances are also high that I'd end up writing "These cats are all you" inside of it and shipping it off to Sarah.

“

From the alley, music drifts.
Shadows sway to a trumpet riff...

Two cats samba, dressed in white,
on the rooftop Saturday night.

Four cats boogie, rock to the blues,
in poodle skirts and saddle shoes.

In the city,
windows light.
How many cats
will dance tonight?

”

60. [CB]

Say Hello to Zorro!

by. Carter Goodrich

A dog is pretty content with life until a new dog comes to the house and messes everything up!

I don't know. This book just wasn't doing it for me. But it isn't bad by any means. The art's good, but it doesn't take up enough room in my opinion. The story's okay, although a bit simple, but it'd be good for teaching kids about coming to terms with having new siblings (or parents or whathaveyou) in the house and how it can be annoying at first to have things be so different, but how it can also lead to good changes as well.

So yeah. It has some stuff going for it. It just didn't happen to be my particular cup of tea.

“

Mister Bud had it pretty good.
Everything was just right.

He had his own house.
His own bed.
His own toys.
His own dish.

But most of all...

He had his own schedule.
And everybody stuck to the schedule.

It went like this...

”

61. [CB]

Little White Rabbit

by. Kevin Henkes

A little rabbit is headed home and sees all sorts of interesting things along the way that spark his imagination along the way.

The art style on this one isn't really the kind up my alley, but it's still a pretty good book. It did a lot of things that I liked. I liked how it showed how using your imagination in your everyday life can be fun. I liked how the pictures gave an image to some different words (like "tall" and "over" for instance), and I liked that the rabbit had a loving family.

“

Soon little white rabbit was home.
He still wondered about many things,
but he didn't wonder who loved him.

”

62. [CB]

Blue Chameleon

by. Emily Gravett

“The lonely chameleon is blue. Even though he tries to fit in by changing color and shape, neither the swirly snail, the green grasshopper, nor the spotty ball wants to be his friend. But there must be someone just like him.”
-inside flap

Oh, man. This book is really simple and yet I love it anyways. It is just so much fun. I loved the art, I loved how goofy it all was, I loved that a chameleon was trying to befriend random objects, I really loved really clever way they showed the copyright info, I loved it all. It's writing and storyline were all pretty simple, but who cares. It was so fun that after reading it once I immediately read it again.

63. [GN]

Batman: The Black Mirror

Writer: Scott Snyder
Artist: Jock & Francesco Francavilla

Dick Grayson comes face-to-face with a figure from his past and it forces him to consider if people can actually change.

Once again I read something just because it was written by Scott Snyder. Once again I wasn't disappointed. I will admit though that at first I wasn't so sure about this one. It seemed a little too typical Superhero comicy. But once it got going then it all fell into place. I mean, damn. The ending to this thing is intense. Not to mention that there is some really spooky stuff in this one. I was actually getting a bit spooked. I definitely was not expecting that. Plus when you find out who the villain is? So good. I had a lot of fun reading this one. I kind of wish I hadn't returned it already so I could read it again.

“

When I was a boy, my parents kept a big map of the country tacked to the wall of our dressing room.

The map had pins stuck in all the places our troupe was going to stop that season.

Different towns and cities were marked with different color pins.

Blue pins meant small towns...which meant small shows, less dangerous tricks.

Red pins meant big cities. So, big shows and more dangerous tricks.

All the stops were marked red or blue...

...except for Gotham City, which was marked by a black pin.

According to my father, the black pin meant no holds barred. Pull out all the stops. Bring down the house.

It meant put on the biggest, riskiest show of the season. No catch wires. No safety nets. Everyone pushing themselves to the limit.

I remember one time I asked my father why. What made Gotham so special?

And my father, he looked down at me and said...

“...some places just have a hunger to them, son.

“And you either feed them what they want...

“...or you stay far, far away.”

”

Eat Your Peas

Since my phone seems to be dying I figured I should finally get around to taking some photos off of it. While doing so I came across these photos of a note I wrote to my theater coworker Greg.

Front:

Inside:

The New Pornography -or- In Defense of Monogamy

I’ve invented a new form of pornography.

We all know how traditional porn works: it’s just naked naked naked, skin skin skin. Nothing but nudity. After a while you’ve seen so much epidermis that everything begins to lose context. Breasts lose their shapely resplendence and their capital b to become breasts. Just breasts. Like a carriage returning to a pumpkin, they lose their magic and revert back to what they are: mammary glands. Sure they still come in a variety of sizes and shapes and colors, but what’s the point?

The same thing happens to every part of the body. From the mysterious feel of the privates to the elegant elongation of the limbs. After seeing too many they lose their grandeur and you begin to feel like a doctor who’s just going through the motions. And this process isn’t limited to specifics, but to the full figure as well. The thrilling beauty of a bare body is soon lost. Just as breasts lose the magic of their individuality, so do the people. No longer people, in fact, but simply images of people: more akin to objects than individuals.

But not anymore.

The answer is so simple it's obvious after you’ve considered it. We simply do away with the mountains of mammaries, the volumes of vaginas, and the profusion of penises. We narrow our focus. We go from the panorama of an establishing shot and zoom in for a tight close up. We focus in on the individual.

Not just any individual, no, that would be too easy; nothing but a case study. The key lies in exposing yourself (no, not in that way...just yet). Gone is the way of unintimate anonymity. Replaced instead with familiarity. Why leer at pages of strangers when you can find an individual who actually knows you. Not only knows you, but likes you! Loves you even! Imagine it!

The moonlight isn’t subtly framing just any breasts in pale moonlight; they’re gently illuminating Her breasts. That goofy looking dong isn’t just any dong, that’s His dong! If you were to lose yourself in their body you’d be able to find your way by the familiar constellations of freckles that dot the landscape. Round the tattoo she regrets but that you secretly find endearing, left at the scar from where he fell off his bike, make a stop at those laugh lines for the scenic outlook of their smile.

Yet some naysayers are surely saying, “You are mistaken, good sir! Why, limiting yourself to only one individual would be a great bore. It would be like limiting yourself to looking at one painting for the rest of your life.”

But oh ho ho, dear reader, for that is where they are mistaken! A person is not a painting. A painting is only good for looking at, but a person is good for so much more. A person evolves. Each part of their body is constantly changing, stories and memories attach and detach to every piece creating a flowing tapestry that only you will have the experience and expertise to decipher.

Now there’s a multimedia experience that is sure to put any other to shame.

And yet, while this type of pornography I’ve invented is extraordinary, it is also fragile. One wrong move could potentially ruin everything. But that doesn’t mean you can no longer engage in art appreciation. For if you feel the need to take in a few painting or some artistic photography, just be sure to follow museum rules: look, don’t touch, no loud noises, be respectful, go home when you’re done.

Movie List 2012: March

You know what? I don't think anyone even reads these lists. But whatever. I'm gonna do them anyways. It's fun to be able to have a record of such things. Anyways, let us take a walk down the road that is all the movies I watched in the month of March.



* = rewatched


March


36.

Source Code

When a terrorist bombs a train, authorities fear a larger attack is yet to come. The only hope of finding the identity of the bomber in time lies in an experimental piece of technology. Using a computer program scientists are able to create a recreation of the 8 minutes before the bombing occurred. A confused operative finds himself hooked up to enter the recreation and must repeat the experience until he can find the bomber. But as he repeats the situation he begins to question the nature of his role in this experiment.
Genre: Mind-fuck Sci-Fi/Action


I was curious about this one ever since I saw the trailer for it, but I wasn't sure. But I finally managed to get a copy from the library and DAMN! It was a lot better than I was expecting. I was expecting the main hook of the story to be the idea of this main character repeating the same 5 minutes over and over, like an Action version of Run Lola Run or something. And yet the real hook is the mystery of who this guy is, how he got to be here, and the development of his character along the way. If you go in wanting to see a typical action movie you're probably going to be disappointed, but if you go in expecting an interesting Sci-Fi movie then you're in for a treat.





37.

Attack the Block


A gang of street youths must protect their home from alien invaders.
Genre: Sci-Fi-Action Comedy


I love love love the premise to this one, but apparently that was my first mistake. The writing is kind of dumb, the aliens look so stupid it's hard to take them seriously, and I really didn't care about any of the characters.





38.

The Artist

When talkies start to sweep the world of film, a once famous silent film star finds himself struggling to accept the change.
Genre: Silent Film


I only saw this because we had it at the theater forever and people would not shut up about it. I went in thinking I'd hate it, but I actually enjoyed a lot of it. It's a lot of fun. It's rather clever, well shot, and well acted. There just happened to be a few things that bothered me. I don't like that the main guy is flirting with this girl while he's still married. I don't like that the girl didn't really have any character development to speak of. And I don't like that there's really no reason for this girl to love this guy as much as she does.

Oh, and sometimes she wears this fur coat thing that looks hideous and shouldn't be worn by anyone.





39.*

Milo & Otis

A puppy and a kitten are best friends and go on an adventure.
Genre: Animal Adventure


This movie is just so strange and unlike anything else. There's no people, the animals are real, and the animals don't talk. Well, technically the characters talk, but it's just the narrator doing voices over the footage. No peanut butter in the mouth or anything. These things alone make it so very different from anything else. The closest thing to it that I can think of would be Homeward Bound. But that movie had humans and individual voice actors.

To be fair Homeward Bound also doesn't sport the allegations of horrid animal cruelty that Milo & Otis does. I mean damn, it's entertaining and fun, but as an adult you have to wonder about some of the messed up shit they put those animals through.





40.

It Started With Eve

A rich man is at death's door and his son has come home to see him one last time. The man says he wants to see his son's fiancee before he passes, however, the son can't find his finacee and grabs the coat-check girl to play the role. But when his dad makes a miraculous recovery the son finds himself in a bit of a pickle.
Genre: Old Comedy


The theater I work at is going to be doing a Deanna Durbin film series in June so I've been trying to track down and watch some of them beforehand. I do the Twitter for the theater so it helps when I can actually say something about the movies.

I don't know what else to say other than it's a very silly movie...it's just so silly in the oddest ways possible. The dying father character is just so cartoonish, and the Deanna Durbin character jumps at any chance to sing, and there's a pinch fight...it's really the kind of thing you'd have to see to really understand what I'm talking about. It's pretty fun...just really silly.





41.

Christmas Holiday


An army officer is on leave for the holidays and when his plane gets grounded he winds up hearing a woman's story about how she fell in love with her criminal husband.

Genre: Old Noir


Another Deanna Durbin movie that is inexplicably bizarre. The whole thing starts out as the story about this army guy, but then the Deanna Durbin lady keeps butting in with her story and it turns out the army guy's story doesn't matter at all. Why is he in the movie then!? Why not just tell the Durbin storyline from the beginning instead of doing it in flashbacks? Plus there is an incredibly long church scene. And by "Church Scene" I don't mean "Scene occuring in a church" I mean "Scene that is straight up footage from a real church service that goes on forever." Durbin's acting is great though and it's really creepy seeing Gene Kelly playing a bad guy.





42.*

Exit Through the Gift Shop


An eccentric man gets caught up in the underground world of street art and decides to make a documentary about it. However, infamous street artist Banksy decides to turn the tables and make his own documentary about the man.
Genre: Documentary


This is probably one of the most interesting documentaries I've ever seen. Not only does it talk about street art (which I think is fascinating), but it also really makes you think about what exactly Art is. If you like street art or just art in general I strongly recommend it.





43.


Everything Must Go

A recovering alcoholic has just lost everything. His job, his car, his wife, and even his home. And even all of his stuff is on the lawn. Not having anywhere to go he returns to drinking and eventually is forced to hold a yard sale to get rid of everything he has left.
Genre: Drama


Will Ferrell is a surprisingly good dramatic actor. I wasn't really expecting that. But he's really very good. The movie does a great job at showing that alcoholism isn't always the wife-beating, no shirt ranting that you see all the time. Sometimes it just consumes your life as it slowly ruins it and takes everything that you cared about from you until all that's left is the booze. And yet overall the movie is hopeful. It shows him hitting rock bottom and discovering that he isn't just the sum of his posessions, that he does have something great to offer the world, and that his addiction is getting in his way.






44.*

Yes Man


Carl is a bit of a stick-in-the-mud and it's not only making him miserable, but it's threatening to ruin his relationship with his friends as well. But things change when he goes to a seminar that tells him to say "Yes". Now he's saying Yes to everything and everything is working out for the better. But can saying "Yes" bring on its own set of problems?
Genre: Jim Carrey Comedy


It's a Jim Carrey Comedy, what's there not to like? Ok...I lied, Mr. Poppers Penguins was impossibly stupid, but this one's pretty fun. Not the greatest thing under the planet or anything, but it's a simple movie that's quite enjoyable. The cast is great: Jim Carrey, Zooey Deschanel, Rhys Darby (particularly fantastic), John Michael Higgins, plus the side characters were all really fun. My only big complaint is that I don't really see the chemistry between Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel.





45.*

Double Jeopardy

A woman is convicted of murdering her husband, but while in jail she learns that he is secretly alive. After getting paroled she seeks to find him and, exploiting the 5th Amendment, kill him. Yet her parole officer isn't so convinced that she's telling the truth and is determined to stop her.
Genre: Action


Oddly this is Ashley Judd's movie, but she isn't all that great. Instead of playing the falsely imprisoned woman it's like she's actually playing the cold woman who murdered her husband. But who cares about her? Tommy Lee Jones steals the spotlight from Judd throughout the entire movie. He's the much better actor and he makes his character so much more interesting and complex than Judd's. And despite the movie's faults I really do rather enjoy it.





46.

Paranormal Activity 3

A camera loving videographer in the 80's records his experiences with a supernatural presence in his house.
Genre: Found-footagesque Ghost Story Horror


It seems that my friends are determined for me to see every one of these except the first one.

Anyways, it's alright. It's got a number of parts that gave me the creeps and some of the things they do with the camera are really pretty clever. But the thing I just couldn't get over was the fact that it was taking place in the 80's. It is terribly distracting and makes it little hard to take it seriously.





47.

UHF

A loser with lots of creativity manages to get a job managing a local failing UHF TV station and his quirky ideas begin to turn the place around.
Genre: Bizarre Weird Al Comedy


This movie kind of seems like a bunch of sketches that were strung together into a movie. The sketch parts are pretty funny like "Gandhi II" and "Conan the Librarian", and some of jokes are enjoyable, but the actual plot to the movie is pretty hokey and cliche.





48.

Beetlejuice

A married couple dies and finds themselves as ghosts, bound to their house and to a bizarre set of afterlife rules & regulations. But when a new family moves into the home and wants to change everything, the couple has to get the hang of this haunting thing real quick or else risk hiring a professional (yet shady) bio-exorcist by the name of Beetlejuice.
Genre: Quirky Dark Comedy


People have been telling me for years that I need to see this movie, but it never really seemed up my alley and thus I never bothered. But I finally got around to it. Frankly it was a lot better and a lot worse than I imagined it would be. It just didn't seem to know what kind of story it wanted to tell.

I mean you've got Tim Burton running the show so of course you're going to get some wonderfully memorable visuals, so you're starting off well. Then you've got a couple who dies and finds themselves bound to their house, a surprisingly bureaucratic system of the underworld, them attempting to learn how to properly haunt their house, their developing relationship with the girl who's moved into the house with her family. It's great stuff.

The real problem is Beetlejuice. I mean the real movie isn't about him at all and yet he's the title character and they keep shoehorning him into the plot. But he's just distracting. You don't need him at all. If you are going to have him in it then you've got to go all the way. In fact he could just have his own movie: A former assistant to an underworld caseworker who got fired and went off on his own to become a bio-exorcist, but now he needs to find someone to marry him so he can return to the land of the living. That's a pretty interesting premise if you ask me.

But mashed together neither plot reaches its full potential.






49.*

Wizard People, Dear Reader

An unauthorized and unofficial audiobook reimagining of the movie Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone that chronicles the story of the godly Harry Potter, his best pal and warrior Ronny "the Bear" Weasel, and their (admittedly skilled yet mostly awful) friend Harmony.
Genre: Auto-track Movie Parody / The Most Amazing Thing Ever


Wizard People, Dear Reader is the creation of a guy named Brad Neeley. Having never read the Harry Potter books he saw the movies and decided to create an audio book version of the story, but to make it more interesting he made it so that it could be played along with the movie.

I cannot put into words just how hilarious this thing is. The writing is pure genius. It is impossibly clever. It works on so many levels. I really could gush about this thing forever, so I'll spare you that. I'll give you a brief anecdote instead. This month I watched it with my friends from work, Rusty and Max. I had earlier gotten Max hooked on it, but we both hadn't been able to coerce Rusty into watching it. We finally were able to get him to watch it and we all laughed ourselves silly. Afterwards Max and I asked Rusty how he liked it. "Oh, I guess it was alright," he replied. What!? He laughed and laughed hard throughout the entire thing and yet he "guesses" is was alright. Some people I tell you.

To wrap things up, just know that I've watched/listened to this thing more times than I can count. In fact I've even got plans to watch it yet again later in the week. It's just that good. In fact, here I'll help you out. It's all on Youtube. Here's the first chapter:



Or if you prefer you can listen to it. You won't catch the little jokes referring to things on screen, but it's written so well and in audiobook format so it really is great either way. If you want to go down that road you can download the audio here.

What? You're at work/class/a funeral and can't watch videos or listen to anything? Well here's the full transcript!

So there. I've done all I've can to make it as easy as humanly possible for you to watch/listen/read the brilliance that is...Wizard People, Dear Reader!





50.

SUPER

When a man's wife is stolen from him he feels helpless. And then he has an epiphany and begins to dress as a superhero and bring vigilante justice to the wrong doers of the world.
Genre: some-undefinable-type + Comedy


I say this a lot, but I don't know how to explain this movie. It is just so very strange. It had some great moments, some memorable characters, and some pretty funny parts. But in the end? It just seemed like other things did it better. I suppose it has a lot of elements similar to Kick-Ass, but I found that it resembled Defendor much more. Except I felt Defendor was much better. It devloped its characters better and therefore had much greater emotions. Plus I hate it when movies have a "Women in Refrigerators" moment [that's when a female character is murdered/raped/tortured for no other reason than as a lame plot device to fuel the male characters' stories]. SUPER did use an WiR plot device and thus I take umbrage with it.

Book List 2012: Part 4

* = reread
[GN] = Graphic Novel
[CB] = Children's Book

42. [GN]

Planetary

Writer: Warren Ellis

Artist: John Cassaday

A group of super powered agents investigate paranormal situations.

I've heard things about this series for a long time and I finally got around to checking it out. I went in with pretty high expectations and they definitely weren't met. I honestly just don't understand what it is about this series that people love so much. I'd be interested in finding some fans and talking to them about it.

The agents are billed as archaeologists—“Archaeologists of the Impossible” in fact— which intrigued me to no end when I heard first about the series, but it turns out that they really aren't. There's no digging, no extensive specialized knowledge about ancient civilizations, and little to no investigation of artifacts. If anything they are essentially just elite government agents called in to investigate paranormal stuff...like every other paranormal detective story out there. However, unlike most other series, these detectives are super powered! (which only serves to make them all the less interesting). So it's mostly a superhero comic with hints of a detective series.

So yeah. I just don't get it. But maybe it's just not meant for me, because some people seem to just adore it.

“

This is an exemplary turn-of-the-century mainstream comic book. During a period when many comics seem to have lapsed into an exhausted mire or else go blundering on ahead without the merest shred of a coherent plan, the work in Planetary has a glow and freshness that is all its own, a signature eruption of the neurons into novel, interesting patterns at the turn of each new page. It is at once concerned with everything that comics were and everything that comics could be, all condensed into a perfect jewelled and fractal snowflake. Read on and enjoy the remarkable comic book product of a remarkable comic book moment. And think Planetary.

”

-Alan Moore from the forward

43. [GN]

Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E.

Ultimate Collection

Writer: Warren Ellis

Artist: Stuart Immonen

A team of b-list heroes realize that their agency is actually working for the baddies. Upon hearing this they they steal a vehicle and set out to foil their former boss's plans.

Planetary might not have been up my alley, but this series definitely was.

Technically 1/2 of this one is a reread. I own the first collection and have read it multiple times. But only recently did it occur to me that I've never read the conclusion of the story. So I picked up a copy of the series' complete run (or the ultimate collection as they like to call it) from the library.

While I get a kick out of this series I should mention that it's possible others wouldn't. A lot of the humor is coming from jokes about superhero comics. There are jokes about the team, which is made up of all these small time names that have been floating around the marvel universe. And there are jokes about the superhero genre in general, from the origin stories to the beat-em-up nature. But the comic is still very kooky and fun in general, thus I think anyone might be able to appreciate the absurdest humor of it all, but it does take on a whole new level of hilarity when you're a little familiar with the genre.

“

FIN FANG FOOM!

Mommy was a slut-lizard that did the bad thing with suggestively-shaped piles of nuclear waste, and nine months later --

FIN FANG FOOM!

Has been burning with the need to mate since 1956!

FIN FANG FOOM!

Has absolutely no genitals whatsoever!

FIN FANG FOOM!

Oh, you cannot imagine how annoyed he is.

...

“Oh my God, It's wearing underpants."

”

45.

St. Lucy's Home for Girls Who Were Raised By Wolves

by. Karen Russell

A collection of short stories set in partially fantastical worlds.

[I've got a lot of books to get to, and since I already wrote a review for this on on Goodreads, I'm just gonna post that instead of writing a whole new one.]

The collection is full of stories that are each set in a world that exists on the border between fantasy and our own. The set-ups are all highly inventive and interesting, and yet my big problem is with the conclusions. Personally I felt that not a single one of the stories had a satisfying conclusion. Instead of creating stories that started strong and meaningfully led to an interesting conclusion, they all ended on rather odd notes. It seemed as if the author ran out of steam towards the middle of each story and just created an ending then and there to be done with it. Despite their faults, I felt that two of the stories made reading the book worth it. "St. Lucy's Home for Girls Raised by Wolves" was a wonderfully imaginative story of the life of wolf girls being taught how to be human. It's obvious why it was chosen as the title story. And then "Haunting Olivia", the story of two brothers searching the sea in the shell of a crab for their lost sister, was darkly fascinating. Almost a ghost story of a sorts. Except it's haunted by sadness instead of fear. These two stories are what I'll end up taking away from this collection, but I can already that I'll end up forgetting all the rest.

“

At first, our pack was all hair and snarl and floor-thumping joy. We forgot the barked cautions of our mothers and fathers, all the promises we'd made to be civilized and lady-like, couth and kempt. We tore through the austere rooms, overturning dresser drawers, pawing through the neat piles of the Stage 3 girls' starched underwear, smashing lightbulbs with our bare fists. Things felt less foreign in the dark. The dim bedroom was windowless and odorless. We remedied this by spraying exuberant yellow streams all over the bunks. We jumped from bunk to bunk, spraying. We nosed each other midair, our bodies buckling in kinetic laughter. The nuns watched us from the corner of the bedroom, their tiny faces pinched with displeasure.

”

-pg 225

46.

Snuff

by. Terry Pratchett

Commander Vimes is taking a vacation in the country with his family; the idea wasn't his. However, a cop's always a cop (even when he isn't), and Vimes can't help but notice that something isn't right in this bucolic countryside. The entitled nobles are hiding something and there's nothing he likes less than people who think they're above the law.

Oh, what can you say about Discworld books? They are the best. Especially the ones about Vimes. Like any book in a series I'm not capable of judging it against all books, but can only judge it against the other books in the series. It wasn't as epic and well done as Night Watch, The Fifth Elephant, and Thud!, but I'd say it was better than the other guards books. One should be aware that I am not slamming it, and in fact I thoroughly enjoyed the book, but it is competing not only in the category of one of my absolute favorite series, but also in my favorite subcategory there in: the Vimes stories. The competition is fierce and my standards high.

But like I said it's a lot of fun. It's full of that Pratchett charm and wit. And once again Pratchett manages to effectively use fantasy to make some interesting and poignant observations about reality. Ideas that this one goes after include such things as: civilization, law, racism, and class systems.

“

Vimes took a deep draft of very hot coffee, which at the moment suited him just fine. He said, “This is true? I'm sorry, I don't know what to say.”

Tears of Mushroom was watching him carefully, ready should he feel a biscuit attack coming on. They were in fact pretty good, and to hide his confusion he thanked her and took another one.

“Best not to say anything, then,” said Miss Beedle. “All slaughtered, for no reason. It happens. Everybody knows they're a worthless people, don't they? I tell you, commander, it's true that some of the most terrible things in the world are done by people who think, genuinely think, that they're doing it for the best...”

”

pg 185.

47.[GN]

We Are The Engineers

by. Angela Melick

The first collection of comics from the autobiographical webcomic about a Canadian Engineer: Wasted Talent. This first collection contains an assortment of her first strips which detail her life in school to her degree in engineering.

I really enjoy this comic, but I find that it's sometimes a challenge to explain what exactly I like so much about it. I'm not an engineer, I'm not Canadian, the punchlines won't have you in hysterics, and it's got an art style (that I enjoy) that I can't come up with anything to compare it to.

But there's a subtle charm at work that I find truly endearing, but have a hard time communicating. For one thing she has an especially uncanny ability to draw absolutely hilarious poses and facial expressions. The humor of her strips rests not on the back of its writing, but on the back of its images. This enables it to better capture the feelings and moods that comes along with all the silly moments in our lives. And because of this it is able to transcend its own jokes. You don't have to know about engineering school to appreciate and get a good smile out of her strips.

Did I mention that this collection features redrawn strips? Which was an awesome move. If you go to her site you can compare the art from the old strips to the new ones, and as you can imagine her skills have improved greatly over the years. So it's great seeing her old stuff redone.

“

“Your Wasted Talent site is doing pretty good, Little Doot!”

“Oooooooh?”

“Yah, it's grown a lot, see?

“What are people even searching to find you? hm...

'wasted talent'

'engineer webcomic'

'crazy squirrel'...”

“Whoa—five people found it by searching 'Extreme Underwater Basket Weaving'??

“That's AWESOME!!”

”

pg. 44

48.

Horror Business

by. Ryan Bradford

A horror obsessed kid is trying to make his own scary movie. But his love of horror, the death of his twin brother, and life keep getting in the way.

This book was quite different from other horror books I've read. It had elements of a ghost story, a zombie tale, and a slasher. It was kind of fun how he'd switch between all those elements.

My favorite parts were the ones about the boy's dog. I won't ruin anything, but I will say that those parts really gave me the heebie jeebies.

My biggest complaint is that while it does play around with elements from multiple genres, I didn't feel that the majority of those elements were fully explored enough and so at the ending I was left feeling a little bit unsatisfied.

Overall, the book was a fun light read (it only clocks in at about 150 pages) and has some parts that are quite memorable. Not to mention that you can read it for free! So despite any problems I had with it, I'd go ahead and suggest you give it a try if it sounds like your kind of thing. I mean, really, how unsatisfied can I really be? After all, it gave me some great scenes, a few good scares, didn't take much of my time, and didn't take any of my money.

If you're interested Ryan Bradford offers a free download of it on his blog.

“

The girl looks magnificent blood-drenched. The sidewalk glistens with
gore and I put her hands into a mangled, Egyptian-walk-like stance to
accentuate the writhing of her final moments. The blood looks good,
but I adjust the contrast and aperture of my camera to make it darker,
more deathly.

A wasp lands on the corpse and hops around on her tight, white
shirt...The insect climbs further up still, idling between her clavicle and
where her neck begins. A little pool of blood has formed in the crook of
her neck, where the wasp has treated itself to a little snack. It almost
takes off, but then thinks better of it. The bug hovers over the girl’s
face. I have to make little circling motions with my camera to keep up
with it.

This is priceless footage.

”

pg. 11

49.[CB]

Snow Rabbit, Spring Rabbit:

A Book of Changing Seasons

by. Il Sung Na

It's wintertime and a rabbit is going around to see what all the different animals are doing to stay warm.

Il Sung Na is the same author who wrote Zzz: A Book of Sleep. I was reading the reviews for this one on Goodreads and damn. Some of them were absolutely ridiculous. A lot of them complained that the title was misleading, because the book is about Winter and not really about the changing seasons. I guess that's a fair observation and they're right that British title of "Brrr: A Book of Winter" is a much better title. But really, it's about a rabbit. To the rabbit there are only two seasons: Warm & Cold. And both of those are represented in the book. And guess what? We all know what animals do in the warm seasons. We can see them doing it! Of course they're going to focus on the Winter. In conclusion: Who gives a shit what the title is?

Anyways, let's talk about the actual content (crazy idea, right?). Il Sung Na is an art god. My goodness. Everything they do is just beautiful. So colorful and full of life. It makes other kids books look so astoundingly bland in comparison.

You might remember that I said Zzz: A Book of Sleep had a color scheme perfectly suited for nighttime. Well, I will point out that this one doesn't. The color scheme to this one is much better for the day. It's full of bright and vibrant colors. Like before you can see artwork from the book on the author's website [then just click the Book Illustration link on the bottom of the page].

So in summary: it's a book that'll teach kids what animals do to keep warm in the winter, it's extremely well done, who gives a shit about the title, and it looks so gorgeous that I never want to draw anything ever again.

“

When snow falls to the ground and all the trees are bare, everyone knows it's winter...

...including the rabbit.

”

pg.1

50./56.

The Incorrigible Children:

The Mysterious Howling
&
The Hidden Gallery

by. Maryrose Wood

A precocious and inexperienced young woman named Penelope Lumley is fresh out of school and has managed to get a job as a governess for a wealthy family. However, she wasn't aware that the children she was to teach were raised by wolves. But she'll not let that get in the way of teaching them English, and proper hygiene...and geometry, Latin, French, and art appreciation if there's time.

I have a lot of feelings about this book. Mostly because this book confuses me to no end. I love parts of it and am utterly annoyed by other parts. More than anything I just can't put my finger on what the author was going for. It was also slightly odd to read a book about children raised by wolves so soon after reading "St. Lucy's Home For Girls Raised By Wolves". While St. Lucy's took a much more realistic approach to the idea, this one took a much for fantastical approach.

Pretty much every review of this book compares it to Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, and I suppose that is an apt comparison. But one must understand that, while it is similar in style, it is certainly not on par with it. It is wannabe Snicket. It has many similarities such as the same third person omniscient narrator, and doing that thing where it'll use large words and then explain what that word means. However, the style isn't done as tight and proficient as Snicket's was. Like this example, for instance:

“Contraband means good which have been illegally obtained,” she paused to explain (she was still their governess, after all).

pg.185 of The Hidden Gallery

As I'm sure you know, that isn't what "Contraband" means at all. Contraband is an item that is illegal to import or export. For instance things like street drugs or grenades are contraband items for an average US citizen. Pornography & Knives are contraband items at most schools. Contraband items are items that No One is supposed to have. The author uses the word in this case to describe a stolen bicycle. A stolen bicycle is NOT contraband because a bicycle is not illegal to own. If you steal one you will be charged with Theft not with possessing contraband.

My biggest issues, however, are two things: Penelope and the Mystery.

I won't spoil anything, but the mystery in these books isn't very mysterious. They keep hinting at things, but really, it's all pretty obvious. And yet the author comes up with some bizarre go-arounds to try and prevent giving it all away. For instance Penelope's old head mistress meets with her and tells her that she must continue to use the hair tonic that she used while at school. Also, the children she's taking care of are in dreadful danger. Obviously Penelope asks the obvious questions "Why?" and "How so?" To which the headmistress basically just answers "Just do it" and "Don't worry about specifics, just be careful."

Are you kidding me? No, no, no, no. Even it was coming from someone I loved and trusted I'm not gonna put up with that secrecy shit. My kids are in danger you say? Fuck you don't worry about specifics. Either you tell me the specifics or you give me one hell of a good reason why you can't. Similarly fuck your hair tonic. You tell me why or I don't do it.

Shit.

Which brings us to Penelope. A character that is either humorously endearing or dreadfully awful. I honestly can't tell. I think she might be both. Either she has an over inflated ego and a pompous demeanor, or she is wonderfully over-the-top and ignorant in the ways of the world.

When she's the former she is an atrocious character. Mostly because she will just NOT shut up about the school she went to. She is constantly bragging about Swanburne Academy. Oh, I suppose not everyone was as lucky to receive a Swanburne education. At Swanburne we did things like this. Agatha Swanburne says this, Agatha Swanburne says that. Oh, my God, please shut up. Sometimes even the narrator will brag about! Like here for example:

“The children will be following the squirrel, that is the key,” Penelope mused, which led her to the intriguing question: If Penelope were a squirrel, where would she run? (Although admittedly intriguing, the question was also nonsensical. Obviously, if Penelope were a squirrel, it would be a highly unusual squirrel. It would be a Swanburne squirrel through and through, and, therefore, its behavior could not be considered representative of the high-strung and woefully undereducated furball that is more typical of the species. But Penelope was too flustered to think of this at the time.)

pg.233-234 of The Mysterious Howling

The braggadocio is so entrenched that it'll even lower itself to berate a squirrel for not being as smart as Swanburne Alumna. An honest-to-God squirrel. Did they think they were being clever by pointing out the literal failings of a common phrase?

And despite all that, when Ms. Lumley is shown to be smart yet ignorant about the ways of the world she is a very charming character.

Would she arrive at Ashton Place on time for her interview, or would masked bandits storm the train and take the passengers hostage? She had never personally encountered a bandit, but she had read of such things in books, and the very idea gave her goosebumps.

Would she be able to answer correctly should her prospective employers quiz her on, say, the capital of cities of midsized European nations? “The capital of Hungary is Budapest!” she had recited in her mind, in time to the clickity-clack of the train wheels. “The capital of Poland is Warsaw!”

Would she be served tea and toast upon her arrival, and if she were, would she end up with marmalade all over the front of her dress and run from the room weeping?

Clearly, being anxious is a full-time and rather exhausting occupation. Perhaps that explains why Miss Lumley, despite her inability to remember the capital of Norway and her reluctance to muss her hair by leaning her head against the back of her seat, had finally succumbed to the soothing sway and rumble of the train. For the moment, at least, she had stopped worrying altogether, for she was soundly and deeply asleep.

pg.2 of The Mysterious Howling

The problem is that sometimes it decides to show her as being over-the-top and overly ambitious, and other times it shows these traits succeeding again and again, legitimizing her ridiculousness.

I suppose I've been giving these books a hard time, but please keep in mind that I read both of them and if any more come out I'll probably read them as well. In conclusion: they're pretty easy books to read, they're pretty fun at times, the wolf children are really cute, there are wonderful illustrations by the amazing Jon Klasse, and Ms. Lumley is pretty fun when she isn't making you want to scream in exasperation and shake her.

51.[CB]

Grandpa Green

by. Lane Smith

“Follow Grandpa Green's great-grandson through a garden where memories are handed down in the fanciful shapes of topiary trees and imagination recreates things forgotten.”

-Inside flap

Lane Smith has a knack for coming so, so close to creating books I'd really like. She did that It's a Book one that had such a great premise, but such poor execution. This one, however, is done pretty well. It's about a kid learning about his grandfather. And the idea of someone using intriguing topiaries to represent memories is quite interesting. It's an interesting one. But it kind of lacked a certain flair to me. That spark that makes you want to get to the end. So you flip to a new page and go "Hmm...would you look at that" or "Oh, that's interesting" instead of something more like "hahaha oh, that's great" or "Awww that's so sweet!"

52.

Stories for Nighttime and Some for the Day

by. Ben Loory

A collection of Ben Loory's modern short tales and fables

I went into this looking at it as a collection of short stories, so at first I didn't like it. But then I realized what they were: they were fables! These little legends, and fairy tales, that carry with them a little message. But the stories are open ended enough that you're free to take from it what you will. Once I changed what I was looking for, I loved this one. I'm a sucker for fairy tales and fables, legends and tall tales. Without question I would read this to a kid before bed. They have this fantastical element that gets your attention, and these endings that make you think about the story and carry it with you for a while. They also can have some rather profound ideas in them. If I ever see this one on sale somewhere I'm definitely going to get it.

“

The Television thinks it knows better than the family that's sitting there staring at it.

Why do they watch this garbage? it thinks. It's so empty—so stupid, so dumb.

So the TV decides to stop showing the family football and game shows and soaps, and instead it shows them only educational programs. Mostly opera, and shows about Winston Churchill.

The TV really likes Winston Churchill.

The family on the other hand, does not.

Why does it only show opera? they say. And what's with all this Churchill stuff?

”

pg. 59