Book List 2012: Part 4

* = reread
[GN] = Graphic Novel
[CB] = Children's Book

42. [GN]

Planetary

Writer: Warren Ellis

Artist: John Cassaday

A group of super powered agents investigate paranormal situations.

I've heard things about this series for a long time and I finally got around to checking it out. I went in with pretty high expectations and they definitely weren't met. I honestly just don't understand what it is about this series that people love so much. I'd be interested in finding some fans and talking to them about it.

The agents are billed as archaeologists—“Archaeologists of the Impossible” in fact— which intrigued me to no end when I heard first about the series, but it turns out that they really aren't. There's no digging, no extensive specialized knowledge about ancient civilizations, and little to no investigation of artifacts. If anything they are essentially just elite government agents called in to investigate paranormal stuff...like every other paranormal detective story out there. However, unlike most other series, these detectives are super powered! (which only serves to make them all the less interesting). So it's mostly a superhero comic with hints of a detective series.

So yeah. I just don't get it. But maybe it's just not meant for me, because some people seem to just adore it.

“

This is an exemplary turn-of-the-century mainstream comic book. During a period when many comics seem to have lapsed into an exhausted mire or else go blundering on ahead without the merest shred of a coherent plan, the work in Planetary has a glow and freshness that is all its own, a signature eruption of the neurons into novel, interesting patterns at the turn of each new page. It is at once concerned with everything that comics were and everything that comics could be, all condensed into a perfect jewelled and fractal snowflake. Read on and enjoy the remarkable comic book product of a remarkable comic book moment. And think Planetary.

”

-Alan Moore from the forward

43. [GN]

Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E.

Ultimate Collection

Writer: Warren Ellis

Artist: Stuart Immonen

A team of b-list heroes realize that their agency is actually working for the baddies. Upon hearing this they they steal a vehicle and set out to foil their former boss's plans.

Planetary might not have been up my alley, but this series definitely was.

Technically 1/2 of this one is a reread. I own the first collection and have read it multiple times. But only recently did it occur to me that I've never read the conclusion of the story. So I picked up a copy of the series' complete run (or the ultimate collection as they like to call it) from the library.

While I get a kick out of this series I should mention that it's possible others wouldn't. A lot of the humor is coming from jokes about superhero comics. There are jokes about the team, which is made up of all these small time names that have been floating around the marvel universe. And there are jokes about the superhero genre in general, from the origin stories to the beat-em-up nature. But the comic is still very kooky and fun in general, thus I think anyone might be able to appreciate the absurdest humor of it all, but it does take on a whole new level of hilarity when you're a little familiar with the genre.

“

FIN FANG FOOM!

Mommy was a slut-lizard that did the bad thing with suggestively-shaped piles of nuclear waste, and nine months later --

FIN FANG FOOM!

Has been burning with the need to mate since 1956!

FIN FANG FOOM!

Has absolutely no genitals whatsoever!

FIN FANG FOOM!

Oh, you cannot imagine how annoyed he is.

...

“Oh my God, It's wearing underpants."

”

45.

St. Lucy's Home for Girls Who Were Raised By Wolves

by. Karen Russell

A collection of short stories set in partially fantastical worlds.

[I've got a lot of books to get to, and since I already wrote a review for this on on Goodreads, I'm just gonna post that instead of writing a whole new one.]

The collection is full of stories that are each set in a world that exists on the border between fantasy and our own. The set-ups are all highly inventive and interesting, and yet my big problem is with the conclusions. Personally I felt that not a single one of the stories had a satisfying conclusion. Instead of creating stories that started strong and meaningfully led to an interesting conclusion, they all ended on rather odd notes. It seemed as if the author ran out of steam towards the middle of each story and just created an ending then and there to be done with it. Despite their faults, I felt that two of the stories made reading the book worth it. "St. Lucy's Home for Girls Raised by Wolves" was a wonderfully imaginative story of the life of wolf girls being taught how to be human. It's obvious why it was chosen as the title story. And then "Haunting Olivia", the story of two brothers searching the sea in the shell of a crab for their lost sister, was darkly fascinating. Almost a ghost story of a sorts. Except it's haunted by sadness instead of fear. These two stories are what I'll end up taking away from this collection, but I can already that I'll end up forgetting all the rest.

“

At first, our pack was all hair and snarl and floor-thumping joy. We forgot the barked cautions of our mothers and fathers, all the promises we'd made to be civilized and lady-like, couth and kempt. We tore through the austere rooms, overturning dresser drawers, pawing through the neat piles of the Stage 3 girls' starched underwear, smashing lightbulbs with our bare fists. Things felt less foreign in the dark. The dim bedroom was windowless and odorless. We remedied this by spraying exuberant yellow streams all over the bunks. We jumped from bunk to bunk, spraying. We nosed each other midair, our bodies buckling in kinetic laughter. The nuns watched us from the corner of the bedroom, their tiny faces pinched with displeasure.

”

-pg 225

46.

Snuff

by. Terry Pratchett

Commander Vimes is taking a vacation in the country with his family; the idea wasn't his. However, a cop's always a cop (even when he isn't), and Vimes can't help but notice that something isn't right in this bucolic countryside. The entitled nobles are hiding something and there's nothing he likes less than people who think they're above the law.

Oh, what can you say about Discworld books? They are the best. Especially the ones about Vimes. Like any book in a series I'm not capable of judging it against all books, but can only judge it against the other books in the series. It wasn't as epic and well done as Night Watch, The Fifth Elephant, and Thud!, but I'd say it was better than the other guards books. One should be aware that I am not slamming it, and in fact I thoroughly enjoyed the book, but it is competing not only in the category of one of my absolute favorite series, but also in my favorite subcategory there in: the Vimes stories. The competition is fierce and my standards high.

But like I said it's a lot of fun. It's full of that Pratchett charm and wit. And once again Pratchett manages to effectively use fantasy to make some interesting and poignant observations about reality. Ideas that this one goes after include such things as: civilization, law, racism, and class systems.

“

Vimes took a deep draft of very hot coffee, which at the moment suited him just fine. He said, “This is true? I'm sorry, I don't know what to say.”

Tears of Mushroom was watching him carefully, ready should he feel a biscuit attack coming on. They were in fact pretty good, and to hide his confusion he thanked her and took another one.

“Best not to say anything, then,” said Miss Beedle. “All slaughtered, for no reason. It happens. Everybody knows they're a worthless people, don't they? I tell you, commander, it's true that some of the most terrible things in the world are done by people who think, genuinely think, that they're doing it for the best...”

”

pg 185.

47.[GN]

We Are The Engineers

by. Angela Melick

The first collection of comics from the autobiographical webcomic about a Canadian Engineer: Wasted Talent. This first collection contains an assortment of her first strips which detail her life in school to her degree in engineering.

I really enjoy this comic, but I find that it's sometimes a challenge to explain what exactly I like so much about it. I'm not an engineer, I'm not Canadian, the punchlines won't have you in hysterics, and it's got an art style (that I enjoy) that I can't come up with anything to compare it to.

But there's a subtle charm at work that I find truly endearing, but have a hard time communicating. For one thing she has an especially uncanny ability to draw absolutely hilarious poses and facial expressions. The humor of her strips rests not on the back of its writing, but on the back of its images. This enables it to better capture the feelings and moods that comes along with all the silly moments in our lives. And because of this it is able to transcend its own jokes. You don't have to know about engineering school to appreciate and get a good smile out of her strips.

Did I mention that this collection features redrawn strips? Which was an awesome move. If you go to her site you can compare the art from the old strips to the new ones, and as you can imagine her skills have improved greatly over the years. So it's great seeing her old stuff redone.

“

“Your Wasted Talent site is doing pretty good, Little Doot!”

“Oooooooh?”

“Yah, it's grown a lot, see?

“What are people even searching to find you? hm...

'wasted talent'

'engineer webcomic'

'crazy squirrel'...”

“Whoa—five people found it by searching 'Extreme Underwater Basket Weaving'??

“That's AWESOME!!”

”

pg. 44

48.

Horror Business

by. Ryan Bradford

A horror obsessed kid is trying to make his own scary movie. But his love of horror, the death of his twin brother, and life keep getting in the way.

This book was quite different from other horror books I've read. It had elements of a ghost story, a zombie tale, and a slasher. It was kind of fun how he'd switch between all those elements.

My favorite parts were the ones about the boy's dog. I won't ruin anything, but I will say that those parts really gave me the heebie jeebies.

My biggest complaint is that while it does play around with elements from multiple genres, I didn't feel that the majority of those elements were fully explored enough and so at the ending I was left feeling a little bit unsatisfied.

Overall, the book was a fun light read (it only clocks in at about 150 pages) and has some parts that are quite memorable. Not to mention that you can read it for free! So despite any problems I had with it, I'd go ahead and suggest you give it a try if it sounds like your kind of thing. I mean, really, how unsatisfied can I really be? After all, it gave me some great scenes, a few good scares, didn't take much of my time, and didn't take any of my money.

If you're interested Ryan Bradford offers a free download of it on his blog.

“

The girl looks magnificent blood-drenched. The sidewalk glistens with
gore and I put her hands into a mangled, Egyptian-walk-like stance to
accentuate the writhing of her final moments. The blood looks good,
but I adjust the contrast and aperture of my camera to make it darker,
more deathly.

A wasp lands on the corpse and hops around on her tight, white
shirt...The insect climbs further up still, idling between her clavicle and
where her neck begins. A little pool of blood has formed in the crook of
her neck, where the wasp has treated itself to a little snack. It almost
takes off, but then thinks better of it. The bug hovers over the girl’s
face. I have to make little circling motions with my camera to keep up
with it.

This is priceless footage.

”

pg. 11

49.[CB]

Snow Rabbit, Spring Rabbit:

A Book of Changing Seasons

by. Il Sung Na

It's wintertime and a rabbit is going around to see what all the different animals are doing to stay warm.

Il Sung Na is the same author who wrote Zzz: A Book of Sleep. I was reading the reviews for this one on Goodreads and damn. Some of them were absolutely ridiculous. A lot of them complained that the title was misleading, because the book is about Winter and not really about the changing seasons. I guess that's a fair observation and they're right that British title of "Brrr: A Book of Winter" is a much better title. But really, it's about a rabbit. To the rabbit there are only two seasons: Warm & Cold. And both of those are represented in the book. And guess what? We all know what animals do in the warm seasons. We can see them doing it! Of course they're going to focus on the Winter. In conclusion: Who gives a shit what the title is?

Anyways, let's talk about the actual content (crazy idea, right?). Il Sung Na is an art god. My goodness. Everything they do is just beautiful. So colorful and full of life. It makes other kids books look so astoundingly bland in comparison.

You might remember that I said Zzz: A Book of Sleep had a color scheme perfectly suited for nighttime. Well, I will point out that this one doesn't. The color scheme to this one is much better for the day. It's full of bright and vibrant colors. Like before you can see artwork from the book on the author's website [then just click the Book Illustration link on the bottom of the page].

So in summary: it's a book that'll teach kids what animals do to keep warm in the winter, it's extremely well done, who gives a shit about the title, and it looks so gorgeous that I never want to draw anything ever again.

“

When snow falls to the ground and all the trees are bare, everyone knows it's winter...

...including the rabbit.

”

pg.1

50./56.

The Incorrigible Children:

The Mysterious Howling
&
The Hidden Gallery

by. Maryrose Wood

A precocious and inexperienced young woman named Penelope Lumley is fresh out of school and has managed to get a job as a governess for a wealthy family. However, she wasn't aware that the children she was to teach were raised by wolves. But she'll not let that get in the way of teaching them English, and proper hygiene...and geometry, Latin, French, and art appreciation if there's time.

I have a lot of feelings about this book. Mostly because this book confuses me to no end. I love parts of it and am utterly annoyed by other parts. More than anything I just can't put my finger on what the author was going for. It was also slightly odd to read a book about children raised by wolves so soon after reading "St. Lucy's Home For Girls Raised By Wolves". While St. Lucy's took a much more realistic approach to the idea, this one took a much for fantastical approach.

Pretty much every review of this book compares it to Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, and I suppose that is an apt comparison. But one must understand that, while it is similar in style, it is certainly not on par with it. It is wannabe Snicket. It has many similarities such as the same third person omniscient narrator, and doing that thing where it'll use large words and then explain what that word means. However, the style isn't done as tight and proficient as Snicket's was. Like this example, for instance:

“Contraband means good which have been illegally obtained,” she paused to explain (she was still their governess, after all).

pg.185 of The Hidden Gallery

As I'm sure you know, that isn't what "Contraband" means at all. Contraband is an item that is illegal to import or export. For instance things like street drugs or grenades are contraband items for an average US citizen. Pornography & Knives are contraband items at most schools. Contraband items are items that No One is supposed to have. The author uses the word in this case to describe a stolen bicycle. A stolen bicycle is NOT contraband because a bicycle is not illegal to own. If you steal one you will be charged with Theft not with possessing contraband.

My biggest issues, however, are two things: Penelope and the Mystery.

I won't spoil anything, but the mystery in these books isn't very mysterious. They keep hinting at things, but really, it's all pretty obvious. And yet the author comes up with some bizarre go-arounds to try and prevent giving it all away. For instance Penelope's old head mistress meets with her and tells her that she must continue to use the hair tonic that she used while at school. Also, the children she's taking care of are in dreadful danger. Obviously Penelope asks the obvious questions "Why?" and "How so?" To which the headmistress basically just answers "Just do it" and "Don't worry about specifics, just be careful."

Are you kidding me? No, no, no, no. Even it was coming from someone I loved and trusted I'm not gonna put up with that secrecy shit. My kids are in danger you say? Fuck you don't worry about specifics. Either you tell me the specifics or you give me one hell of a good reason why you can't. Similarly fuck your hair tonic. You tell me why or I don't do it.

Shit.

Which brings us to Penelope. A character that is either humorously endearing or dreadfully awful. I honestly can't tell. I think she might be both. Either she has an over inflated ego and a pompous demeanor, or she is wonderfully over-the-top and ignorant in the ways of the world.

When she's the former she is an atrocious character. Mostly because she will just NOT shut up about the school she went to. She is constantly bragging about Swanburne Academy. Oh, I suppose not everyone was as lucky to receive a Swanburne education. At Swanburne we did things like this. Agatha Swanburne says this, Agatha Swanburne says that. Oh, my God, please shut up. Sometimes even the narrator will brag about! Like here for example:

“The children will be following the squirrel, that is the key,” Penelope mused, which led her to the intriguing question: If Penelope were a squirrel, where would she run? (Although admittedly intriguing, the question was also nonsensical. Obviously, if Penelope were a squirrel, it would be a highly unusual squirrel. It would be a Swanburne squirrel through and through, and, therefore, its behavior could not be considered representative of the high-strung and woefully undereducated furball that is more typical of the species. But Penelope was too flustered to think of this at the time.)

pg.233-234 of The Mysterious Howling

The braggadocio is so entrenched that it'll even lower itself to berate a squirrel for not being as smart as Swanburne Alumna. An honest-to-God squirrel. Did they think they were being clever by pointing out the literal failings of a common phrase?

And despite all that, when Ms. Lumley is shown to be smart yet ignorant about the ways of the world she is a very charming character.

Would she arrive at Ashton Place on time for her interview, or would masked bandits storm the train and take the passengers hostage? She had never personally encountered a bandit, but she had read of such things in books, and the very idea gave her goosebumps.

Would she be able to answer correctly should her prospective employers quiz her on, say, the capital of cities of midsized European nations? “The capital of Hungary is Budapest!” she had recited in her mind, in time to the clickity-clack of the train wheels. “The capital of Poland is Warsaw!”

Would she be served tea and toast upon her arrival, and if she were, would she end up with marmalade all over the front of her dress and run from the room weeping?

Clearly, being anxious is a full-time and rather exhausting occupation. Perhaps that explains why Miss Lumley, despite her inability to remember the capital of Norway and her reluctance to muss her hair by leaning her head against the back of her seat, had finally succumbed to the soothing sway and rumble of the train. For the moment, at least, she had stopped worrying altogether, for she was soundly and deeply asleep.

pg.2 of The Mysterious Howling

The problem is that sometimes it decides to show her as being over-the-top and overly ambitious, and other times it shows these traits succeeding again and again, legitimizing her ridiculousness.

I suppose I've been giving these books a hard time, but please keep in mind that I read both of them and if any more come out I'll probably read them as well. In conclusion: they're pretty easy books to read, they're pretty fun at times, the wolf children are really cute, there are wonderful illustrations by the amazing Jon Klasse, and Ms. Lumley is pretty fun when she isn't making you want to scream in exasperation and shake her.

51.[CB]

Grandpa Green

by. Lane Smith

“Follow Grandpa Green's great-grandson through a garden where memories are handed down in the fanciful shapes of topiary trees and imagination recreates things forgotten.”

-Inside flap

Lane Smith has a knack for coming so, so close to creating books I'd really like. She did that It's a Book one that had such a great premise, but such poor execution. This one, however, is done pretty well. It's about a kid learning about his grandfather. And the idea of someone using intriguing topiaries to represent memories is quite interesting. It's an interesting one. But it kind of lacked a certain flair to me. That spark that makes you want to get to the end. So you flip to a new page and go "Hmm...would you look at that" or "Oh, that's interesting" instead of something more like "hahaha oh, that's great" or "Awww that's so sweet!"

52.

Stories for Nighttime and Some for the Day

by. Ben Loory

A collection of Ben Loory's modern short tales and fables

I went into this looking at it as a collection of short stories, so at first I didn't like it. But then I realized what they were: they were fables! These little legends, and fairy tales, that carry with them a little message. But the stories are open ended enough that you're free to take from it what you will. Once I changed what I was looking for, I loved this one. I'm a sucker for fairy tales and fables, legends and tall tales. Without question I would read this to a kid before bed. They have this fantastical element that gets your attention, and these endings that make you think about the story and carry it with you for a while. They also can have some rather profound ideas in them. If I ever see this one on sale somewhere I'm definitely going to get it.

“

The Television thinks it knows better than the family that's sitting there staring at it.

Why do they watch this garbage? it thinks. It's so empty—so stupid, so dumb.

So the TV decides to stop showing the family football and game shows and soaps, and instead it shows them only educational programs. Mostly opera, and shows about Winston Churchill.

The TV really likes Winston Churchill.

The family on the other hand, does not.

Why does it only show opera? they say. And what's with all this Churchill stuff?

”

pg. 59

Dueling Crayons

A couple days ago I was about to clock in to work at the theater when I noticed that my friend Max had left me a little note:

Front:

Inside:

Obviously I had to respond in kind. That's just good etiquette. But it turns out that I'm not particularly good at making "kid drawings".

Front:

Inside:

Book List 2012: Part 3

* = rewatched
[CB] = Children's Book
[GN] = Graphic Novel

26. [CB]

Mirror Mirror:

A Book of Reversible Verse

by. Marilyn Singer

illustrations by. Josée Masse

A book of verses about fairy tales that can be read both forwards and backwards.

“Isn't

this

a fairy tale?

A fairy tale

this
isn't...”

-inside flap

I love both fairy tales and wordplay so this was obviously something I had to check out. It wasn't as good as I was hoping, but I had pretty high hopes. Some of the verses were quite fun and others were just so-so. Overall though, while I don't think it's worth running out and buying, I do think it would be a fun book to check out at the library and read to your kid. It'd be a fun demonstration of how words are something you can play with. As well as how changing the order of words or changing the punctuation of a passage can drastically change its meaning.

“

In my hood.

skipping through the wood,

carrying a basket,

picking berries to eat—

juicy and sweet

what a treat!

But a girl

mustn't dawdle.

After all, Grandma's waiting.

After all, Grandma's waiting,

mustn't dawdle...

But a girl!

What a treat—

juicy and sweet,

picking berries to eat,

carrying a basket,

skipping through the wood

in my 'hood.
”

-pg 9-10

27.*

The Elephant Vanishes

by. Haruki Murakami

A collection of surreal short stories.

Have you ever had a dream that was more or less reality? It didn't take place in a space ship or a castle or anything like that. It was just a normal everyday place. But something was...off about it. Something just didn't seem in-line with reality. Reading a short story by Haruki Murakami is a lot like that. It is like sitting in on someone else's dream.

A lot of people don't care for Murakami's work and I don't necessarily blame them. It's not for everyone, but personally I find it oddly fascinating. I really don't know what to say. It isn't like most stuff out there and because of that you might either love it or hate it.

“

“I want ten minutes of your time,” comes a woman’s voice out of the blue.

“Excuse me?” I blurt back in surprise. “How’s that again?”

“I said, just ten minutes of your time, that’s all I want,” the woman repeats.

I have absolutely no recollection of ever hearing this woman’s voice before. And I pride myself on a near-perfect ear for voices, so I’m sure there’s no mistake. This is the voice of a woman I don’t know. A soft, low, nondescript voice.

“Pardon me, but what number might you have been calling?” I put on my most polite language.

“What difference does that make? All I want is ten minutes of your time. Ten minutes to come to an understanding.” She cinches the matter quick and neat.

“Come to an understanding?”

“Of our feelings,” says the woman succinctly.

”

pg. 4-5

28.

Hot Six

by. Janet Evanovich

Stephanie Plum is back and this time...its personal. Kind of. Ranger is wanted for murder and it's up to Stephanie to clear his name. Unfortunately for her other people want to find him as well and won't leave her alone. Not to mention there's a crazy wife-beating FTA who keeps trying to set her on fire, a grandma who decides she's moving in, and where on Earth did this dog come from!?

The mystery in this book really wasn't very interesting. But the humor more than made up for that. It was definitely one of the funniest books in the series so far. My goodness. I was cracking up left and right. A couple parts had be laughing so hard I had to put the book down

“

The dog suddenly stopped walking and hunched over, and Lula and Bob and I took off across the grass. I had Bob on the leash, and Lula was waving the chicken bucket and paper bag, and we were running full tilt when the woman looked and saw us. The color drained from her face, and she staggered backward.

“I'm old,” she said. “I haven't got any money. Go away. Don't hurt me.”

“We don't want your money,” Lula said. “We want your poop.”

The woman choked up on the dog's leash. “You can't have the poop. I have to take the poop home. It's the law.”

“The law don't say you gotta take it home," Lula said. “It's just somebody gotta do it. And we're volunteering.”

...

“I don't know if that's right,” the woman said. “I never heard of that. I think I'm supposed to take the poop home."

“Okay," said Lula, “we'll pay you for the poop.”...

...

“I won't take any less than five dollars,” the woman said.

“Turns out we don't have any money on us,” Lula said.

“Then it's my poop,” the woman said.

“The heck it is,” Lula said, muscling the old woman out of the way and scooping the poop up in the chicken bucket. “We need this poop.”

“Help!" the woman yelled. “They're taking my poop! Stop! Thief!”

”

32.

The Girl in the Flammable Skirt

by. Aimee Bender

A collection of short stories that walk between the borders of reality and fantasy.

Aimee Bender's book of short stories Willfull Creatures was one of my favorites of 2010. The stories had that quality I look for in a short story: memorability. I probably went into this one with too high of hopes, but this book was disappointing. I can barely remember any of the stories in it.

“

There were two mutant girls in the town: one had a hand made of fire and the other had a hand made of ice. Everyone else's hands were normal. The girls first met in elementary school and were friends for about three weeks. Their parents were delighted; the mothers in particular spent hours on the phone describing over and over the shock of delivery day.

I remember one afternoon, on the playground, the fire girl grabbed hold of the ice girl's hand and—Poof—just like that, each equalized the other. Their hands dissolved into regular flesh—exit mutant, enter normal. The fire girl panicked and let go, finding that her fire reblazed right away, while the ice spun back fast around the other girl's fingers like a cold glass turban.

”

-pg.121

33.

American Vampire, vol. 2

by. Scott Snyder

art by. Rafael Albuquerque & Mateus Santolouco

It's the 1930s and things are heating up in Las Vegas. As if dealing with the ever increasing rise of trouble in Sin City wasn't enough, police chief Cash McCogan finds himself investigating a string of gruesome murders. The case leads McCogan to some suspicious federal agents, an increasingly supernatural trail of clues, and, of course, a sinister entrepreneur named Skinner Sweet.

I'm really enjoying this series. Not only are the monster elements enjoyable, but the historical details are awesome too. This comic got me to go read a book about the history of Las Vegas afterwards. That's how interesting it made it all seem. Teach your child about how interesting history canbe by giving them comic books about vampires. That's a win-win situation right there.

“

When I was a boy, I used to have nightmares about monsters hiding in the shadows of my bedroom.

I used to wake up screaming and still see them everywhere, in ever dark corner.

I wouldn't go back to sleep until my father lit the lamps and proved the corners and closets were all clear.

I'm a man now. I recently laid my father to rest and when I can't sleep, I go walking.

Looking around, I'm struck by how bright the damn night's become. I makes me wonder...

What happens to those childhood monsters when there are no more shadows to hide in? Do they leave? Do they move on?

Or do they simply learn how to live in the light?

”

pg 7

34.

Seven Up

by. Janet Evanovich

It's up to top-notch bail enforcement agent Stephanie Plum to take in an old man. No problem, right? Hey, give her a break...he's wily. And she's got a lot on her plate. She's gotten wrapped up in an ever-escalating lie about marrying her boyfriend, her normally perfect sister's life is going down the tubes and has moved back to town, everyone seems to be trying to kill her stoner friend Mooner, and people will not stop breaking into her apartment!

Really, sometimes I'm just not sure I really need to tell you about these books. It isn't like you're going to start reading them starting with #7 or anything. So instead I will mention that my friend Sarah decided to read part of this one without having read 2-6 and then she went on to tell me that Stephanie and Morrelli were getting married in it. But that doesn't happen at all! That's what you get when you listen to people who haven't actually read the entire book. And she was so cocky about it too! "Oh yeah, I saw that coming from a mile away." Did you Sarah? Did you really?

“

There was some fumbling at the door, the door swung open, and Mooner ambled in. Mooner was wearing a head-to-toe purple spandex bodysuit with a big silver M sewn onto the chest.

“Hey dude,” Mooner said. “I tried calling you, but you were never home. I wanted to show you my new Super Mooner Suit.”

“Cripes,” Benny said, “he looks like a flaming fruit.”

“I'm a superhero, dude,” the Mooner said.

“Super fruitcake is more like it. You walk around in this suit all day?”

“No way, dude. This is my secret suit. Ordinarily I only wear this when I'm doing super deeds, but I wanted the dudette here to get the full impact, so I changed in the hall.”

“Can you fly like Superman?” Benny asked Mooner.

“No, but I can fly in my mind, dude. Like, I can soar.”

“Oh boy,” Benny said.

”

pg.29

35.* [CB]

Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle

by. Betty MacDonald

A strange old lady, and friend to all the neighboorhood's children, helps exasperated parents with their children's bad habits.

I read this book because I remembered hearing some of these stories when I was a kid, but I couldn't remember what they were about. I probably should have taken that as a sign. They aren't bad per se, but I still wouldn't recommend this to anyone. It's just terribly dated. I mean it is pretty darn obvious it was written over 50 years ago. Plus I cannot begin to imagine why a child would want to hear a collection of stories about parents tricking their kids out of behaving badly.

“

The most remarkable thing about Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle is her house, which is upside down. It is a little brown house, and sitting there in its tangly garden it looks like a small brown puppy lying on its back with its feet in the air. Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle says that when she was a little girl she used to lie in bed and gaze up at the ceiling and wonder and wonder what it would be like if the house were upside down. And so when she grew up and built her own house she had it built upside down, just to see. The bathroom, the kitchen and the staircase are right side up—they are more convenient that way. You can easily see that you could not cook on an upside-down stove or wash dishes in an upside-down sink or walk up upside-down stairs.

In the living room of her house is a large chandelier and instead of being on the the ceiling it is on the floor. Of course it is really on the ceiling, but the ceiling is the floor and so it is on the floor and the children turn on the lights and then squat around it pretending it is a campfire. Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle says that her chandelier is the only one in town which is put to any real use.

”

pg.11

36.

Ready Player One

by. Ernest Cline

Mild mannered Wade Watts finds himself in a mess of attention when he becomes the first person to crack the first clue in a virtual reality treasure hunt. However, the hunt's prize is riches beyond imagining and people will do anything to get there first. Will Wade's abundant knowledge of 80's trivia be enough to save him? Wait...what?

This book, in a word, is Ridiculous. It is a Master's Class in Wish Fulfillment. Now bear with me (or skip ahead), because I'm about to get my rant on.

Imagine with me for a moment, a nerd trying to come up with his perfect world:

• What if being really good at video games and knowing a lot of 80's trivia was cool?

• What if you could have a job that made use of those skills?

• What if those skills could make you Rich, Famous, AND POPULAR!

• And what if they had full immersion virtual reality systems where you could be playing the game, but it'd be just like you were actually there!
  
  
• And what if all the running you did in the game counted as real-life exercise so you could stay in shape from playing video games?
  

• What if you could go to school using those virtual reality systems and that way if a bully made fun of you you could just best him with your intelligent wit and since the school program wouldn't allow fighting there'd be nothing he could do about it!

• What if there was this girl and she was just as good at video games and 80's trivia as you are? And she was like really popular, and you had a crush on her, but she didn't know you existed. But then in a feat of 80's trivia/video game prowess you impress her and then you start hanging out?
  
  
• Oh! And what if you could go with her to the big dance, but since you don't actually know how to dance you could just run a computer program to dance for you?
  

• And since most girls are apparently looking for more in a guy than sweet 80's trivia skillz (those crazy girls and their standards, amiright?), and you've got truly horrible social skills from spending all your time playing video games and memorizing 80's trivia, this girl of your dreams still might not go for you...So what if that girl had some self esteem problems!? Like if she had really bad self-image problems (but only because of like a birth mark or a scar or maybe she was a little chubby or something...you know, nothing TOO bad). And then she wouldn't think she was pretty and so when you tell her that she's beautiful she'll fall right for you, because she won't know that she can do better!
  

...I mean...Holy Shit! This book grants every single one of those wishes and more. It's like a fairy godmother turned a nerd's wetdream into a novel. You know, I'm pretty sure that some iteration of all of those questions have crossed my mind at one time or another, but they were promptly followed by the thought, "No wait...that's really fucking stupid." (Actually that's what follows most of my thoughts in general.) And if you think about it for any amount of time they are all really stupid wishes. Don't believe me? Here's why, in order:

• What if being really good at video games and knowing a lot of 80's trivia was cool?
  
  Hang out with the right kind of people and it will. But you're saying you want EVERYONE to think you're cool because of your skills? Well grow the fuck up.
  
  

• What if you could have a job that made use of those skills?
  
  There are jobs that make use of those skills. Video game reviewers, article writers and bloggers for certain websites, the writers of Family Guy, etc.
  
  

• What if those skills could make you Rich, Famous, AND POPULAR!
  
  Yeah, but you can wish that about anything you're good at. Personally I think you'd be better off shooting for: financially secure, respected, well liked, and HAPPY!
  
  

• And what if they had full immersion virtual reality systems where you could be playing the game, but it'd be just like you were actually there!
  
  Well, that might be a sign that you're way too interested in escaping reality, but sure. That would have the potential to be pretty fun.
  
  

• And what if all the running you did in the game counted as real-life exercise so you could stay in shape from playing video games?
  
  Maybe you should just get outside and exercise?
  
  
  
• What if you could go to school using those virtual reality systems and that way if a bully made fun of you you could just best him with your intelligent wit and since the school program wouldn't allow fighting there'd be nothing he could do about it!
  
  I guess I can understand not wanting to be bullied, but if your dream is to be able to bully the bullies with your intellect then you're really no different than they are.
  
  

• What if there was this girl and she was just as good at video games and 80's trivia as you are? And she was like really popular, and you had a crush on her, but she didn't know you existed. But then in a feat of 80's trivia/video game prowess you impress her and then you start hanging out?
  
  Or you could just...talk to her? Invite her to the arcade or to some showing of an 80's movie or something. That would probably be a lot easier and much more likely to actually work.
  
  

• Oh! And what if you could go with her to the big dance, but since you don't actually know how to dance you could just run a computer program to dance for you?
  
  Personally, I cannot dance so I can understand the embarrassment that comes along when dancing situations arise. But really, if you wish you could dance go LEARN HOW TO DANCE! There's probably a million classes out there that can teach you how to dance. Or if you're like me and never go to places that require dancing skills, then you're just gonna have to try to have fun while you look ridiculous on the dance floor from time to time.
  
  

• ...So what if that girl had some self esteem problems!? Like if she had really bad self-image problems (but only because of like a birth mark or a scar or maybe she was a little chubby or something...you know, nothing TOO bad). And then she wouldn't think she was pretty and so when you tell her that she's beautiful she'll fall right for you, because she won't know that she can do better!
  
  This one is the craziest of them all. I can say from personal experience that it comes from a place of having a very, very low opinion of yourself and believing that they only way a woman would ever be interested in you is if she was "damaged" somehow. But really, think about that for a little while. On one hand you could fantasize about meeting a strong, confident, beautiful girl who likes you for who you are. OR you could fantasize about meeting a girl who relies solely on you to feel good about herself and has decided to just settle for you. I'm not gonna tell you how to live your fantasy life, but the choice is pretty obvious.
  

Okay, I'm done ranting. I'll go back to reviewing.

Admittedly it was fun to see all the references to different nerdy stuff. But really that's all this book has to offer. And because of that I can't imagine anyone who didn't know a lot of nerdy shit would enjoy this book. Actually I'm really not all that sure that nerds would really like the book all the book either (nerds not into wish fulfilment fantasies that is). Why not? Well, because I'm fairly nerdy and I thought it was pretty stupid, for one.

But mostly I'd say that because a lot of this book isn't showing anyone a fascinating new world, it's just referencing famous world's we're already familiar with. Nerds already spend a lot of time discussing their favorite stories and entertaining What-If scenarios, we don't need to read transcripts of other people doing the same thing. I mean, there is honestly over 2 pages in which two nerds debate the merits of the 80's movie Ladyhawke. 2 pages...devoted to a discussion that is in no way relevant to the plot.

“

“How many times have you seen that sapfest? I know you've made me sit through it at least twice.” He was baiting me now. He knew Ladyhawke was one of my guilty pleasures, and that I'd seen it over two dozen times.

“I was doing you a favor by making you watch it, noob,” I said. I shoved a new cartridge into the Intellivision console and started up a single-player game of Astrosmash. “You'll thank me one day. Wait and see. Ladyhawke is canon.”

...

“Surely, you must be joking,” Aech said.

“No, I am not joking. And don't call me Shirley.”

He lowered the magazine and leaned forward. “There is no way Halliday was a fan of Ladyhawke. I guarantee it.”

...

“Then please explain to me why he owned Ladyhawke on both VHS and LaserDisc?” A list of all the films in Halliday's collection at the time of his death was included in the appendices of Anorak's Almanac. We both had the list memorized.

“The guy was a billionaire! He owned millions of movies, most of which he probably never even watched! He had DVDs of Howard the Duck and Krull, too. That doesn't mean he liked them, asshat. And it sure as hell doesn't make them canon.”

“It's not up for debate, Homer,” I said. “Ladyhawke is an eighties classic.”

“It's fucking lame, is what it is! The swords look like they were made out of tinfoil. And that soundtrack is epically lame. Full of synthesizers and shit. By the motherfucking Alan Parsons Project! Lame-o-rama! Beyond lame. Highlander II lame.”

“Hey!” I feigned hurling my Intellivision controller at him. “Now you're just being insulting! Ladyhawke's cast alone makes the film canon! Roy Batty! Ferris Bueller! And the dude who player Professor Falken in WarGames!” I searched my memory for the actor's name. “John Wood! Reunited with Matthew Broderick!”

“A real low point in both of their careers,” he said, laughing. He loved arguing old movies, even more than I did.”

”

-pg.40-41

40.

Hard Eight

by. Janet Evanovich

Bounty hunter Stephanie Plum might have finally have gotten herself in over her head. While investigating a child custody bond she gets herself mixed into a situation with a very dangerous man named Eddie Abruzzi. Both her mentor Ranger, and her sometimes boyfriend police officer Joe Morelli have warned her that he is not the kind of person you want to mess with. And she's starting to learn that lesson first hand when a man in a rabbit suit starts trying to murder her.

None of the mysteries in these books recently have really been up to snuff. But you know what? As long as there's a decent bad guy, and I'm still having fun while reading it and getting some solid laughs, then I don't care. This one had those elements and thus I quite enjoyed it.

“

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time rolling on the ground with men who think a stiffy represents personal growth. The rolling has nothing to do with my sex life. The rolling around is what happens when a bust goes crapola and there's a last ditch effort to hog-tie a big, dumb bad guy possessing a congenitally defective frontal lobe.

”

pg. 1

41. [GN]

Orbiter

by. Warren Ellis

art by. Colleen Doran

When a manned space shuttle mysteriously disappears it causes manned-space flight programs to be scrapped entirely. However, years later the unthinkable happens: the shuttle returns. the shuttle's captain is the only one of the crew left alive, but his mental state is unstable at best, but he's the only one who can explain what happened all those years ago.

This is an odd book. Odd in the sense that when I first finished it I thought it was amazing for some reason. But not long afterward I started thinking about it and pulled a complete 180. It wasn't amazing at all. In fact it was kind of ridiculous. The art really isn't my cup of tea (personally I feel that it doesn't convey emotions very well at all). The story is clunky and filled with plot holes. And the ending seems not only forced but also rushed.

The story has a number of interesting elements to it, but it doesn't use them well enough. I think if they took a lot more time and told a longer story it could have gotten somewhere. But it didn't. So if you want to read a great story about an astronaut coming back from a mission where everyone died but them and a psychiatrist is trying to find out what happened to them: go read The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russel. Because that book was amazing. Seriously. Just go read that instead.

“

The space shuttle Venture is the reason why the manned space program collapsed.

It is also the greatest mystery in the history of manned spaceflight.

For it disappeared from Earth orbit ten years ago taking a crew of seven with it.

This final NASA disaster committed the Earth to programs of robotic discovery only.

No human has been in space for a decade.

The Venture has come back to Earth, ten years late.

”

pg. 10

Soapbox Speeches: Back to the Future

Have you ever heard a crazy idea? You probably just dismissed it as being crazy, right? But then have you ever heard that same crazy idea again? And this time coming from a different source?

It's easy to dismiss a crazy idea the first time, but after you keep hearing it again and again, it starts to seem like that crazy idea is catching on.

The crazy idea that I've come here to rant against today is the insane theory that the movie Back to the Future is racist because it takes the invention of Rock & Roll away from the legendary Chuck Berry and gives it to a white kid instead. They say that it rewrites history to give a white man credit for a black man's creation.

I shouldn't have to say it, but that theory is ridiculous. It's an absolutely ridiculous thing to say for a variety of reasons. While any normal person would just write it off as the thoughts of insane individuals, I feel that I must dust off my nerd helm and explain WHY it is an illegitimate claim. So if you ever find yourself face-to-face with some dillweed who's spewing this nonsense in an attempt to sound intelligent, you can quickly point out that they are, in fact, an idiot.

Let's get started, shall we?


In the realm of Sci-Fi, time travel stories generally operate under one of two different theories of Time: I'll refer to these as Line Theory and Ball Theory.

Line Theory says that Time is a linear progression of events. Which is to say that A causes B, B then causes C, and so on.

For example, let's say you've just built a time machine! Impressive. Your first order of business is to go back in time and see a dinosaur! A worthy goal. But OH NO! When you're returning to your machine after seeing that dinosaur you accidentally step on a bug! Well, no matter. I mean, what difference could a bug make? Well, you're wrong! It makes a world of difference! And when you return to your home time you find everything is different! Everyone is now Amish and they ride giant ducks instead of horses or some shit!

That's Line Theory. It says that if you go back and edit A then you end up editing every point that comes afterward. Editing A means ending up with a slightly different B, which then creates a variant of C, and so on. The differences snowball over time until things have changed completely. Examples of stories that use this method: "A Sound of Thunder", The Butterfly Effect, Primer, and Back to the Future.


Ball Theory on the other hand says that Time isn't a linear chain of events. It says that A, B, and C are a single mass of Time. As if you condensed every moment in time into a single ball. And the reason we think it's actually a linear line is just because that line is the route we are moving through the ball of time. Obviously this theory is a little bit harder to wrap your brain around.

Here, let's let infamous time traveler Doctor Who explain it:



So under this theory, if you build that time machine of yours again, go back in time to see a dinosaur, step on that bug, and then return to your home time...nothing will be different. Nothing will be different, because everything has already happened/ is happening / will happen. Each moment exists on its own and in that particular moment...you are stepping on that bug. The point in Time you currently find yourself in is irrelevant. You have/You will always be stepping on that bug at that point in Time.

In a story it usually works like this: I live in time C, I go back to time A, I dink around, I then realize how my actions in A will eventually lead to the world I'm used to in C. Examples of stories that use this method include: The Time Traveler's Wife, Terminator, Doctor Who (usually), and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.


As I said earlier, Back to the Future operates under Line Theory. How can we be sure of this? We can be sure of this because throughout the films we continue to see Marty McFly's actions in the past creating huge changes to his present. Thus, under the rules of Line Theory, the Rock & Roll chain would go like this:

Chuck Berry invents Rock&Roll
--> Marty McFly is inspired by Berry's creation
----> Marty goes back in time and plays Chuck's music
------> Young Chuck Berry hears Marty's cover song
--------> and Young Chuck gets the idea to invent Rock & Roll

The insane racism idea is claiming that this means Marty is the creator of Rock&Roll. When in reality the actual chain of events is this: Chuck -> Marty -> Chuck.

Thus Chuck Prime is the creator, because it is he who influenced an agent to influence Chuck 2.0.

The only way these people's crackpot theory holds water is if the movie had been working under Ball Theory. Because under Ball Theory the chain would have been: Marty -> Chuck -> Marty.

But that isn't possible, because under Ball Theory the movie's entire plot would fall apart! Under Ball Theory Marty would never have had to worry about erasing his own existence, because he never would have been able to change his Mom & Dad's first meeting.

BAM!

So there you go. Suck on that logic, dillweeds.

Movie List 2012: February

* = rewatched

FEBRUARY

23.

The Muppets

A pair of brothers journey to LA and try to reunite The Muppet gang and save their studio from being demolished by an evil oil baron.

Genre: Comedy/Partial Musical


You know what this movie could have really used? More muppets! For a movie about the muppets there was way, way too much of a focus on the humans and that dumb human muppet. That little Walter human-muppet guy was HORRIBLE. The muppets were great as always, Bret McKenzie's songs were enjoyable, and there were some really well done emotional scenes. But that horrid little muppet man tainted everything. Also there were way too many 4th wall jokes. Once or twice it can be funny, but when you keep tearing down the 4th wall it's just dumb.

So yeah. It was an okay movie, but it doesn't even come close to holding a candle to the older muppet movies.

24.

Evangelion:
1.0:

You Are (Not) Alone

For some reason the world's most whiny kid is the only one who can pilot the giant robot that's needed to fight the huge Gushers-powered monsters that keep attacking.

Genre: Giant Robot Sci-Fi Anime


Fun Fact: If your friend Rusty tells you that you should come over and watch The Exorcist, don't do it. Because he will make you watch this movie instead.

I hated this movie for so many reasons: I didn't understand a single thing that was going on, the voice acting was terrible, the main character always sounded like he was about to start crying and was constantly whining about everything, the designs weren't anything special, and so much more. But instead of pulling a Shinji and complaining about it all I'm going to tell you about the movie's best scene. A scene so good I laughed so very, very hard. It was the best laugh I've had in a long time. The scene wasn't supposed to be funny, but that is besides the point.

So, there's this kid named Shinji. He is constantly in one of these states: about to cry, crying, complaining, feeling sorry for himself. Anyways, he's just been shown a truly enormous robot and told that he's going to be the pilot.

"What?," says Shinji, "I don't know anything about piloting giant robots."

"Don't worry," they tell him. "You'll be fine. We'll walk you through it."

"I don't want to," says Shinji. "My father doesn't love me! WAAAHHH"

"Yeah, good luck with that. Suck it up. They world's apparently a devastated hellscape for some reason so we've all got issues. Plus if you don't do it we're going to put this battered young girl in it instead and it'll probably kill her."

"Jesus Christ, why would you do that?"

*shrug*

Anyways, a giant monster is about to attack the city and after much whining and crying Shinji agrees to pilot it. I'll set the scene:

It's a dark city. Tall futuristic buildings are ominously in the background. A huge monster approaches the city. Panels in the streets open up and a badass robot arises from it.

"Okay, so how do I drive this crazy thing," Shinji asks.

"Alright, first things first, just concentrate on taking a step."

"Okay...oh, wow...I'm doing it! I'm really doing it!"

The hulking robot begins to walk toward the monster.

"He's doing it!" The people in charge say. "He just might be able to pull this off!"

It is at this point that the giant robot trips over its own feet and falls to the ground. The monster immediately pounces on it, breaks the robot's arm, and then punches it in its robot face. It continues to punch it in face over and over again with increasing vigor until finally throwing aside the now battered and broken robot and going back to destroying the city.

I honestly thought that they were going to have the untrained loser pilot who had never been in this thing before defeat the monster. Never in a million years would I have guessed that they'd actually go with the obvious result of him getting his ass handed to him. It was in a word: brilliant.

However, immediately after this bit Shinji goes berserk and for some reason that gives him the knowledge needed to not suck at life and he does defeat the monster. And with that the faint glimmer of hope I had that this movie might not be so bad after all was crushed.

25.

Conan O'Brien Can't Stop

A documentary following Conan O'Brien from shortly after he left The Tonight Show up until the end of his live tour.

Genre: Documentary


For once I was actually really excited to see a movie and I wasn't disappointed. I watched it and then I promptly watched it again with the commentary on. In the commentary there was a really interesting comment about what the film was about: Addiction. About how Conan really just can't stop. He can't stop trying to seek out the spotlight, he can't stop trying to please everyone, even when doing these things are taking a serious toll on him. There's a number of memorable scenes where Conan will be complaining about how it's all too much and then refuses to let anyone help him and goes and does it all anyway. It's because of this angle that I think that someone who wasn't a big Conan fan might still find this documentary quite interesting.

While it is overall quite funny, you do get to see Conan stressed out, depressed, and lashing out at people. I really would recommend giving the commentary a try because it was done after Conan had gotten his new show and is in a better place. As such he is able to look back on these events from a higher ground and shed light on a bunch of stuff. Definitely one of the more interesting commentary tracks I've heard.

26.

Hot Coffee

A look at how our judicial branch is being exploited and the effect this has on actual people.

Genre: Documentary


I'm on a good documentary roll here. I had seen the interview with this filmmaker on The Colbert Report and that's what made me curious about this film. It is a fascinating movie. Before seeing the interview and before seeing the movie, I would have never believed that a movie about Judicial matters and torte reform would be so interesting. But there you have it.

As I was watching this movie it became more and more clear that I've been duped by corporations. I hate that feeling, don't you? That realization that they got you. We're always thinking how smart we are for seeing past propaganda. For not being dumb enough to fall prey to the people who say things like "global warming is fake" and whatnot. And then you get shown some of things you haven't been so smart about. I didn't even know what a torte was. Turns out it is actually something that is really very important and everyone should probably bother learning about.

I mean, the whole thing with the lady who sued McDonalds because she spilled hot coffee on herself? I remember hearing about that. I remember thinking it was ridiculous. And that there were too many frivolous law suits. But I really just had no idea. Who knew that when these settlements are made the victims have to sign a gag order. Then the corporations are free to talk about it and spin the story as they see fit and the victim can't say a thing. Thus we never hear the real story.

I'd recommend checking out that interview and if you're even the littlest bit intrigued I'd highly recommend you give the film a watch.

27.*

Gremlins

A cautionary tale about the dangers of owning rare and exotic pets. A young man's Christmas present ends up unleashing a plague of murderous gremlins onto an unsuspecting small town.

Genre: Horror-Comedy


You know, after I saw this movie as a kid I was scared me for years. Whenever I was home alone I'd be afraid that Gremlins would pop out of the cabinet or from under of my bed, or from any number of other such places. Over the years I've come to think that it was rather silly of me and that the movie was really more goofy than anything, but that is just not the case. I was perfectly right as a child to be horrified by this movie. It's not all that horrifying to an adult, but damn. For a kid? Perfectly understandable. There's some freaky stuff going on in this movie.

That being said, the movie is a lot of fun. There are a lot of goofy jokes and whatnot. I also really like all the characters. They're all quite likeable so you actually care about them. But the really impressive thing about this movie is the effects. No CGI. Just old-fashioned amazing physical effects. And damn it looks so much creepier because of it.

28.*

Gremlins 2

A gremlin horde is unleashed against an unsuspecting populace once again, except this time instead of terrorising a small town they're terrorising a state-of-the-art shopping mall and business complex.

Genre: Comedy-Horror


This movie is the reason I looked back on the first movie and thought it was silly of me to have been so scared of it. This movie has a lot less scares and gross-out moments and a lot more laughs. The writers must have had a lot of fun coming up with some of the stuff for this movie. There's some crazy gadgets, there's kooky characters, there's mad-scientist labs, it's got everything. It's a lot of fun.

Fun Fact: I watched these two movies at my friend Rusty's house after work one night. I probably would have enjoyed this one more if I hadn't been fighting off a wicked need to use the bathroom. You see Rusty lives in his parents basement and his dad isn't completely all there and can be found wandering about at night. As such he creeps me out and I refuse go to the bathroom while I'm there in fear of coming across him. So after the movies, as I was walking home, I ended up going behind a snow bank because my bladder couldn't wait any longer. Good times.

29.

The Burbs

Neighbors in a suburb community become obsessed with the goings-on of the strange new family that's moved in.

Genre: Comedy


You know, Rusty seems to think that this movie is a hilarious classic. I'm not as convinced. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of funny parts too it, and it has a pretty great cast, but I definitely wouldn't call it a must-see film by any means. I'd say that if some friends are watching it or if you stumble on it on TV, go ahead a give it a watch. But I wouldn't bother seeking it out.

30.

Mr & Mrs Smith

(1941)

Mr & Mrs Smith find out that there marriage wasn't legal and now Mrs Smith isn't so sure she wants to rectify that.

Genre: Old Alfred Hitchcock Comedy


I don't know. The movie is pretty fun, but overall I'm not sure I really cared for it. You spend most of the movie thinking that Mr. Smith is a total jerk and that his "wife" is completely right to want to be done with him. Then it's only at the very end that they show you that she's a little crazy as well and that's why the couple actually works.

31.

Mother

After her mentally handicapped son is accused of murder, an elderly mother has to try and investigate the situation herself to try and clear her son's name.

Genre: Korean Mystery/Suspense/Thriller


As I've said before, Korean movies are fascinating. They are fascinating because they never play by the same rulebook we're used to seeing. I honestly don't know what to say about this movie. It's fascinating, but unlike anything I've seen before. It was beautiful, sad, horrifying, and tense, but always in ways I wasn't expecting. It takes a good hard look at the things we would do for the people we love and the lengths we would go to. It brings up the subject of unconditional love and questions whether or not it is really such a purely Good emotion. After all, if an emotion, even love, can lead someone to do unspeakable acts, can it really be Good?

32.

The Secret World of Arietty

A Studio Ghibli adaptation of The Borrowers.
A race of tiny people exist in the walls of houses, surviving by secretly borrowing the things that they need from the humans. However, when a young borrower named Arietty is spotted by a young human it triggers a series of events that changes her world forever.

Genre: Fantasy


Studio Ghibli movies are always a challenge to describe, because there is always some intrinsic quality to them that goes beyond what you see in most movies. The more action oriented ones like Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away are easier to describe, because they have more epic plots. However, it is much more challenging to tell your friends about movies like Kiki's Delivery Service and My Neighbor Totoro because the plots more or less don't matter; they're movies of mood. They deal in characters and places and images more so than events. And the mood movies of Studio Ghibli are actually my favorites. Because being less centered on story, allows them to be more timeless.

I'm getting away from myself a little bit here, but I bring all this up because I feel that The Secret World of Arietty falls into that category of Ghibli mood movies. As such, I think that if I tried to explain why I loved it, I would just ramble on and on. I will, however, say that it might just have been my 3rd favorite Ghibli movie (I'd have to see it again and in Japanese to be sure).

33.

The Exorcist

A young girl becomes possessed by the devil and her mother tries desperately to save her.

Genre: Classic Horror


I finally got around to seeing this. Technically I should mention that I saw the extended cut, and since Rusty was telling me what scenes weren't in the original, I'm going to go ahead and say that I like the extended cut better.

The movie definitely isn't the kind of thing you see a lot of nowadays. I feel that if it was done today there would be a bigger focus on the Scares and less of a focus on the Scary. The way this movie chose its emphases surprised me quite a bit, because when you hear about this movie you always hear about the Scares: the crab-walk down the stairs, the spinning head, the vomiting, etc. But those aren't the parts that are the scariest. The parts that are effectively the most chilling are the ones that illustrate the mental state of the mother.

Here is this woman whose daughter is suffering from an affliction that no one can seem to cure her of. The girl is sick and is hurting herself and others and this mother is at her wits end. Her world is falling apart and she doesn't know what to do anymore. And that's when the church comes into play. Because when things are hopeless what else can you do but to say a prayer and hope that God knows what He's doing. The idea that something can hit a family, any family, out of nowhere and destroy the lives of those in it is really the part of this film that I found truly fascinating.

34.

The Adventures of Tintin

Based on the famous comic series by Hergé.
When a reporter buys an old model ship at a flea market he accidentally stumbles into a mystery. A mystery that could either make an amazing story, or wind up getting him killed.

Genre: Adventure


I remember reading the Tintin comics at my friend Jack's house as a kid so I was pretty excited to hear that they were making a movie. However, then I heard that it was done using motion capture computer graphics. Frankly that process tends to give me the creeps. But Jack said that a lot of his friends had seen it and said that it was really good, so I figured I'd give it a chance. And you know what? The CGI motion capture thing didn't bother me nearly as much as I thought it would. Although there definitely were a number of times it made things looks really goofy, over all it was used to a much greater effect than I've seen elsewhere.

As for the story I think it was a very good adaptation that remained very faithful to the comics. I believe that because Jack is a pretty big Tintin fan and he enjoyed it. I also believe it because the things I liked about the movie were all things I liked about the comics, and the things I didn't like about the comics, were also things I didn't like about the movie. So, I guess if you liked the comics you should check it out. If you have no prior exposure to Tintin at all, I'm a traditionalist, so I'd recommend you go read the comics first and see what you think.

35.*

Tangled

Disney's take on the Repunzel fairy tale.
A witch kidnaps a baby girl, locks her in a tower, names her Repunzel, and raises her as her own in order to have access to the girl's magical hair. However, when Repunzel grows up she dreams of experiencing the outside world. She finally gets her chance when a thief stumbles upon the tower and gets press-ganged into being Repunzel's escort to the outside world.

Genre: Fairy tale Comedy/Musical


I really like this movie, but I also find it very disappointing. I find it very disappointing because it comes so, so very close to being a movie I'd Love. Its biggest problem is that it's a Musical...but not really. There are a couple of musical numbers, but they all seem ever-so forced. Not only that, but the songs are completely forgettable. I honestly can't remember the tune to a single one of them, let alone the lyrics. So as a musical it is a complete flop. But as a fun fantasy comedy? It's amazing. It's funny, it's fun, the characters are endearing, the animation is absolutely gorgeous, and probably some other pros that are just slipping my mind.

In conclusion: Definitely worth seeing, probably worth owning, but it has a few major faults.