Wednesday, October 5, 2016

31 Days of Spooky Movies: The Corpse Grinders

Day #4

The Corpse Grinders

A cat food company is using dead people as the meat because of reasons!

Now cats are starting to develop a taste for human flesh!

It’s up to a doctor and his nurse girlfriend to get to the bottom of this mystery?

Fright Factor:
0.5 / 5  Hungry Cats

Gore Factor:

[okay, I’m gonna level with you here. There is one short bit (like 10 seconds maybe) in which a doctor is getting a tissue sample from a very fake dead cat, but they use real organ meats. And seeing organs is generally some level 3 gore. However, the gore for the entire rest of the movie is so pathetically attempted that I would be generous to give it even a 1. So take from that what you will.]

Should you watch it?

I’ve seen movies that were more painful to watch than this one, but I don’t think I have ever seen anything quite so technically bankrupt. If it was not for the fact that it had the decency to be short, my roommate and I would have turned it off. Bad acting, constant use of bizarre and manic cuts, a terrible script, the list just goes on and on;  I truly can’t think of a single element of this film that wasn’t shoddily done. At one point they forgot their own timeline and managed to have a character go into the past? For goodness sake, it even went inexplicably out of its way to be insulting to the deaf community.

Why did I ever watch this movie you ask? Well, the blurb for the movie was as follows:

“When the Lotus Cat Food Company finds itself in financial trouble, the owners decide to find a new, cheap source of meat, the local graveyard. Only one problem, soon cats develop a taste for human flesh, and tabbies are tearing out throats all over town.”

A bunch of house cats terrorizing people? That sounds amazing!

However, the movie really doesn’t focus on killer cats at all! And I’m strangely thankful for that, because (as the cat attacks they did have made it abundantly clear) they didn’t have the proper budget or skill to pull off cat attacks.

Instead the movie focuses on the company owners nefariously acquiring dead bodies. But why are they using dead bodies in the first place? It doesn’t make any sense! There is no way that paying some dude to dig up dead bodies is going to be cheaper than buying a bunch of bulk meat scraps from some butcher. Not to mention that rotting bodies all full of deadly mortuary chemicals typically does not make for repeat customers. PLUS what kind of small volume insanity does this company have wherein a few dead bodies is providing enough raw material for their entire production line?

This movie didn’t respect its viewers enough to even attempt to think anything through, so don’t bother thinking twice about it. Trust me, you can find something better to watch. It won’t be hard.

“Oh not another one!”

“What are you babbling about?”

No comments:

Post a Comment