A Break Filled With Work

I've been taking a little bit of a break from letter writing so I could focus my energies on gift giving instead. This means that it really isn't a break at all. In fact it is more stressful because the deadlines are written in stone. The funny thing is I usually only resort to arty gifts if I can't think of anything good enough to give a person. In my head they are kind of a cop-out. After all I did them on Christmas Eve, because I was holding hopes that I'd come up with something better and failed. Yet, they've been being better received than the actual gifts I gave, so go figure. Live and learn.

The first thing is a mix CD I made for my cousin. In my usual fashion I used an anagram of their name for the CD's title.
For my other cousin I made up a little poem/story/thing. Although it might be slightly different from the delivered one. Sometimes I end up making little changes on the fly when I write things out from the version I typed up, then don't think to edit the computer draft.

Rosalie Vs. Jingle

This is the tale of Rosalie,
a girl both brave and bold,
the one who will save us all from evil,
just as it's been foretold.

You see it all began
upon a winter's night.
The moon was covered by some clouds,
as it hid itself from fright.

The cold air didn't seem to mind,
as it danced upon the wind,
and as it did it's twists and turns,
something wicked grinned.

Rosalie was out for a walk.
she was out to get some air.
Suddenly a she heard a twig snap,
she wasn't alone out there.

Out from a bushes it came,
a goblin green and mean,
it wore a crooked top hat,
and a t-shirt with an image quite obscene.

In one hand he held a baby,
in the other he had some gin.
He smelled a bit like daffodils,
and was much too tall and thin.

"Oh hello, how do you do?
My name is Jingle Jangle.
I like country music and long walks,
and I love to kill and mangle."

"Greetings mister goblin,
I see you are quite well.
But if you don't let that baby free,
I'll send you straight to hell."

The grin did fade with that remark,
and his eyes blazed bright red.
"You best watch little miss,
or you'll be the one who's dead.

"I highly doubt that Jingle,
for there's something you don't know.
Now hand over the little one,
or it'll be your blood upon the snow."

"I've been alive for years and years,
born before you could even crawl.
I've seen everything under the sun,
and, miss, I know it all."

"At least that's what you say,
but you haven't got a clue."
"So hurry up and don't delay,
tell me before I kill you!"

"Whoa there mister goblin,
there's no need to fret,
I can solve this problem,
through a simple little bet.

Let me hold the baby,
and I'll tell you my information,
if you've heard it kill us both,
you'll have my invitation."

"Sounds fair enough," he said,
as he handed over the child.
"Now tell me, tell me!"
And Rosalie just softly smiled.

"You aren't standing on the sidewalk,
you're standing on the road.
Oh look a semi."
*Splat*
"It looks like goblins can explode."

Letter Extravaganza '09: Part 3

     15 letters done! I've sent more letters since I started this thing than most people probably send all year and yet I'm not even halfway done. 20 letters stand between me and the completion of this project. I probably should stop marking them #/102, but I don't feel like it.
     I'm getting better at these envelopes though...at least I think I am. The people further down on the list should be pleased that although they have to wait longer, their finished product will be much more refined. To think when I made the offer of free letters I wasn't even planning on doing envelope art. A handy fact which gives me an excuse for why I thought I'd be able to complete this project rather quickly. Oh how wrong I was.
     Well, until I manage to work my way through another 5 letters, enjoy.

11.

12.
13.
14.
15.
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (#12) are copyright Nickelodeon. While Mr. Peabody and Sherman (#15) are copyright Ward Productions Inc.

Letter Extravaganza '09: Part 2

Although I'm finding out that I'm quite slow at this whole letter writing thing, I'm still trucking away at it. Here's the next batch of envelop designs. Introducing a new size in envelope that actually fits my letters (a novel idea I know). This is the batch where my tools decided to die. I lost like 3 markers and a pen, may they rest in peace. Eventually I will stop being lazy and get to an art store and get some new stuff.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.
I should probably mention that Mario and his cronies (#8) and Link (#9) are copyright Nintendo, while the character Avatar Aang (#10) is copyright Nickelodeon...so mad props to them.

Letter Extravaganza '09: Part 1

       I've started a new project: Letter Extravaganza '09. For those of you who use Facebook, you already know that you accumulate a number of "friends" who you don't actually ever talk to or write to or anything to really. To combat this problem I made an offer to all of them to send a real, honest-to-God letter to whoever requests one. I have 102 Facebook "friends", which means that if they all responded I'll be doing quite a lot of letter writing, which sounds pretty cool to me. Although so far the response rate is about 32%.
       This whole project would go pretty fast, but I've also been doing envelope art for all the letters which significantly slows things down...that and laze. For once I've actually been remembering to scan the envelopes before I send them out, so that means I can post them here (Sans addresses of course). The images I do usually have something to do with the person I'm sending it to, but like an inside joke I won't bother explaining them. So without further ado here's the first five.

1.2.

3.
4.
5.

More Old Stuff

I feel bad about my horrible lack of updates, so I've decided to treat/torment you with more random snippets from my documents folder. This time from the uncompleted work Monk.odt . We find our hero, Ms. Rita Hallows, at the home of Alric Consensio, an unsettling man who reeks of narcissism and wealth. Rita has come by his request to help his wife, who has just gone into labor. At the moment Rita has just arrived and noticed two things about Consensio's wife: the woman is absolutely terrified and she is missing her mouth. From nose to chin is nothing but skin.

        "Ms. Hallows realized that her mouth was agape: a ring of surprise and disbelief. There were too many emotions for her to give any one in particular prominence. Shock, fear, surprise, disgust, and sadness all hit her at once, jangling her nerves and chasing any sense of composure she once had out the door. The woman looked toward her with pleading eyes; the large eyes of a child or animal that seem not to be pleading with your face, but with your soul. Who could have done something so heinous to this poor woman? Sure there were people with the necessary power, but those select few people born with access to the mystical arts were always found at a young age and taken elsewhere to be trained. Who on earth could Consensio have crossed paths with that would have access to such power? Before her mind had a chance to think about these questions any further Consensio interrupted her.
       'I do realize the shock you must be in, my dear Miss Hallows, but do consider the little life that is this very second attempting to find its way out of my wife,' Consensio said as the bitter tone of his voice encased every word. 'After all...,' his cruel smile crept back into view, 'it isn't polite to stare.'"


Once again I have no idea where I was headed with this one. I think that this was what I had originally started when I did Nanowrimo a couple years ago, but quit after a few pages to instead write on another idea. Speaking of National Novel Writing Month, it is here already. I wonder if I should try to tackle that challenge again this year...oh decisions, decisions.

How To Spot a Murderer

       Halloween is in the air as goblins and ghouls are on the streets. If that is not deserving of a post then I do not know what is. So on this most wonderful Halloween, since I can't give you candy, I figure I'll do the next best thing: teach you how to spot a murderer. Because nothing improves your Halloween like not being murdered in your sleep...or one-upping your friends by figuring out the killer on TV before they can.

       A prime plot point of television crime dramas is: Who did it? The interest of the show comes from the viewer testing their mettle against that of the televised heroes. Through a love of stories and extensive practice, I have been able to decipher how to figure out a television murderer.

      To practice let's stage a murder, shall we? -Fade to Black-

       On a dark and stormy night Detective Stone is called in on a case. The wipers work furiously trying to keep the rain at bay as his car heads down fifth street and towards the business district. He takes a right turn and there, sticking out of the night, is the crime scene. Underneath a street light a body is slumped over, the red lights spinning from the cars of the cops and paramedics lend a disturbing visage to the scene. Stone sighs then steps from his car, pops his umbrella, and head towards the scene. Pictures are being taken of the body of a young woman. Her skin looks even more pale in the faint light. The scarlet tears of the fallen trickle from a wound in her chest, staining her blouse before reaching the ground and rushing off with the rain water to the gutter. Murder is afoot...murder most foul!

The Facts:
       The body of Jillian LeSourie was found dead at 11pm on Friday night. The cause of death seems to be from a fall, but upon further inspection shows a stab wound to the heart. The purse remains, and it's contents seemingly intact so it does not appear to be a robbery. She was an executive at a local business and lived alone.

       Detective Stone enters the business. A man (Craig Livingston) and a woman (Wanda Jenkins) are chatting by a water cooler. Stone approaches them.
       "Excuse me, I'm with the Police. Do either of you happen to know of a Ms.Lesourie?"
       "Oh! You mean Jillian?" Wanda says.
       "Her office was across from mine,"says Craig. "What's going on?"
       "Is she in trouble or something?" Wanda asks.
       "She was murdered sometime last night. Do you two have any idea of what time she usually works?"says Stone as he pulls out his notebook and pencil.
       "Oh my God! Umm...yeah I'm not really sure. I think she works pretty late usually." Wanda says her eyes wide in surprise.
       "I tend to work late and she's always here when I leave. Although last night she seemed to rush out awfully early," says Craig. His eyes also Wanda-like in their wideness and surprise.
       "Do you think Mr. Bullwick had anything to do with it?"Wanda wonders.
       "Mr. Bullwick?" Stone inquired.
       "Yeah, he's the CEO here. They were...'involved'" Craig says making air quotes with his fingers rolling his eyes. "I couldn't help but hear it through the wall."
       "They really weren't great keeping it a secret. A lot of people here have figured it out. Especially with all the fights they've been having recently,"Wanda explains.
       "Can you point me in the direction of Mr. Bullwick's office?"Stone asks while pocketing the notebook.

Johnathon Bullwick's Statement:
       Bullwick admits to cheating on his wife with Ms. LeSouire and to have been doing it for over a year. Apparently they had been fighting a bit recently, because she wanted their relationship to go to the next level and he needed more time. A search revealed a message on his phone: Ms. LeSouire had threatened to tell his wife if he didn't break up with her soon. Thus losing out on getting any of her money out of the divorce.

-Let's pause for a moment to think about what the show's motives are: to create an interesting plot and do so within a certain amount of time. For these reasons the most guilty seeming suspect is almost always a red herring. I'm going to save you some time and tell you that Mr. Bullwick did not do it. It'll probably be revealed later in the show that he has a iron clad alibi like a stockholder's meeting, or a even an affair with yet another woman. But what about the wife?

Mrs. Margaret Skye Bullwick's Statement:
       Mrs.Skye Bullwich seems heartbroken that her husband is such a douchebag while simultaneously feeling quite pissed off. She cries and makes threats of castration. But it is revealed that while her feelings are real, she had known about this before the police told her.

-Time for another break. At this point the show will probably be 1/2 - 2/3 of the way over. So she is certainly more of a suspect than Mr. Bullwick was. The real problem is that she doesn't fit all the criteria. The criteria for a TV murderer are as follows:
     1: The show's introduced who they are. Shows will pretty much never have the murderer be some random punk from off the street, because that is both boring and not fitting with the who-done-it dynamic. So the murderer has been seen in the episode.
     2: They murderer won't be expected. The show is trying to surprise you, this is why the most obvious choice isn't the murderer. The murderer will most often be someone suspected very briefly then dismissed, or never considered a suspect at all.

-Like a real show you can figure it out awhile before the end. So you should know by now. Let's look at the first criteria: I've only mentioned 6 characters so far. We know that it is one of them. Stone and LeSouire are both out, so we're down to 4. Now add the second criteria: The Bullwick's are both people you'd expect. So now we're down to 2. The answer: Craig Livingston! The guy with the office next to Jillian's.
       It'll be revealed that he had a big crush on her, but she kept rejecting him. Telling him that she was already in a relationship with someone else. He tried to break Bullwick and her up by calling Mrs.Skye Bullwick. Mr.Bullick and Jillian have a big fight one night about a phone call. Mr. Bullwick storms out. From his office Craig can see Mr.Bullwick's car leacing and Jillian crying in her office. He decides that now is the time to act as they are surely broken up and he can be her shoulder to cry on. What he doesn't know is that the call the fight was about was not his, but the one Jillian had left on Bullwick's phone and they were not broken. Jillian is freaked out that Craig had been listening to them through the wall like a pervert and angry that he tried to break up her love. A confrontation ensues, but no one hears it because they are the only ones working late. Craig, filled with hot molten anger over being rejected yet again, ends up stabbing her then dumping the body out the window out of fear. Then lies about when she had left.


Now get out there and eat some candy and solve some crimes!

Looking Through the Old Stuff

        I was just looking through old things in my documents folder and found a bunch of things I started writing and then promptly quit writing. However, a lot of the stuff I really don't recall writing...well at least only mild recollections of writing. It turns out this is rather bothersome, because I'm left with only a vague recollection of where the story was going. How do they end? I have no idea and I'm the one who wrote them. There is something inherently wrong about that, don't you think? Perhaps I shall fix up the shorter ones, but considering I'm working on a different story, programming a video game, and doing a spot of comic work, I doubt I'll get much of anything accomplished. Well, anyways, I particularly like this bit of dialogue from one of those lost stories. The file was titled Dragon.odt so I assume there is a dragon in it at some point although you wouldn't know it from the 5 pages that got finished.

        "Can you think of a reason why a tree branch would suddenly break in the middle of the night?" Johnathon asked Caleb.
        "Ummm," Caleb pondered through a mouthful of a PB&J sandwich. "A desperate bid for freedom?"
        "What the branch just got fed up with only being seen as part of the tree and couldn't take it anymore?"
        "It worked didn't it? It is now identified as 'the branch' after all." Caleb took a swig of his water bottle. "Why do you want to know?"
        "A branch-"
        "THE branch"
        "...The branch formally known as tree broke off outside my window last night and I can't figure out why."
        "Maybe a bear was trying to climb it and it broke off?"
        "Well, now every time I hear a strange noise I'm going to wonder if a bear is trying to sneak it. I hope you're happy."
        "Actually...yes. Yes, I am, "Caleb said trying to suppress a laugh.


Oh my gosh. I bet a dragon broke that tree limb! But we will never know. Let us take a moment to shake a mental fist at past Jesse for being a douche.