Give Me The Job!

Earlier in the year I tried to get a job as a Reference Assistant at the Minnesota History Center. I came pretty close, but ultimately didn't make the cut. However, a new reference assistant position has opened up! Thus I am making a second attempt. This time I'm going all out. Will a decorative envelope be enough to impress the people in HR? Probably not. Will that stop me from doing it anyway? Never!

Front-

Back-

Because I'm not sure what kind of postage this thing required (61¢ in case you were curious) I took it to the Post Office. However, it turns out the Post Office does not appreciate it when you mess with addresses. Here is an approximate transcript of me getting told off:

[The man at the Post Office looks at it for a couple seconds.]
Post Man: "So is this the zip code here off to the side?

Jesse: "Yep."

Post Man: "I get that you think you're being cute or whatever, but it messes with our system when you don't put the zip code in the proper place."

Jesse: "Ummm...yeah, but I put the full address on the back as well, so I thought it'd be okay."

Post Man: "Look. The zip code goes right after the city and state" [he points to the right of the city and state] "or underneath them" [he points to underneath them] "When you mess around like this the computer can't scan it right and it could end up anywhere. Okay?"

Jesse: "Uhhh, sure...I'm not too worried about it though."

Post Man: "I'm just trying to help you. I mean I'm sure you don't want your stuff to end up in Tallahassee or where ever."

Jesse: "...Uh...thanks. So how much is it?"

-End of Transcript-

Since I never make a fuss in person, preferring to silently fume about it, I'm gonna take a moment say a couple things.

1) Zip code properly placed or not, if a computer could make sense of an address this off beat I'd be throughly impressed.

2) The guy noticed the zip code's location in 2 seconds. I would imagine if the computer can't make sense of it, then a person will end up looking at it and 2 seconds later it'll be on its way.

3) Tallahassee? The History Center is like 10 miles away from that Post Office. If the United States Postal Service misses its target by 1,300 miles then they aren't anywhere near as competent as I gave them credit for. So really, Mr. Post Man, you are pointing out your own failures and not mine...dick.


Well, with any luck my envelope will get to its intended locale and not stop off for a stint in Florida's capital. With some even more luck I will get the job. Here's hoping.

Where's My Slaw!

I've been talking to some people and the consensus seems to be that people want more drawings. I've got some comics nearing completion for you fine folks, but I can be quite lazy, so who knows when I'll finish. However, in the mean time here is a Facebook graffiti drawing to tide you over. If you don't understand it then you probably haven't seen "The Sad, Sad Tale of Chickenfoot" episode of Invader Zim.

Post-Postal Apocalypse

While every letter I wrote for the Extravaganza was different I thought I'd give you a little peek into one of them. The following is the opening to letter #33. While most of the letters weren't quite so literary, every once in awhile I'd go on a kick. Overall they didn't turn out too bad, which is surprising because I did it on the fly and in pen.

        “The city looked bleak. At least that's what people said. The sun would brave a quick peek from its blanket of smog and dust, illuminating the wreckage of relics that made up the former metropolis. People would gaze upon the landscape as if the light were showing it to them for the first time and they'd sigh. Then the sun would disappear, the gloom would return, and the people would mutter, to no one in particular, “what a bleak city”. Sonja did not see it that way.
        To say the city was “bleak” would be inviting the mistaken interpretation that the city was bare. Certainly there was less of it after the years of bombing, but even rubble takes up space. Sonja preferred to say that the city was doleful. Doleful. A proper definition wrapped in a bright and colorful set of syllables; the product of a rose-colored dictionary. If you can't find enjoyment in the little things you might as well lay down and try to catch an explosion on your tongue.
        These are just a handful of the thoughts running through her mind as she walked home. Miraculously her apartment building had survived, thus far. Sure the roof was gone, and sure the toilet's pipes weren't connected to anything anymore, but it was familiar and that was nice. She began to walk up her front steps when she noticed her mailbox was broken. Its lid had come right off. Not that it mattered in this post-postal world, but she picked it up and was just about to return it to its proper place when she noticed something. There was a letter in her box. She picked it out of the tattered mailbox and looked at it. As the realization of what it was hit her, she laughed.
        'Well,' she said while still chuckling, 'I guess it's better late than never.'

     Hiya Sonja! This letter is super late, but not so late as to be sent in some post-apocalyptic, war-torn future. So, in the grand scheme of things, it isn't very late at all.”

Letter Extravaganza '09: Part 7

And thus we come to the end. After putting it off for a long time I have completed the last couple of letters. I know I had said that I was doing 35 letters, but things change and thus the final count is 34. Which means that I've written about 136 pages of correspondence, drawn 34 different envelope designs, and used about $16.58 in postage.

All in all it was a lot of fun. I'm not sure why I decided to name it "Letter Extravaganza '09" and then start it in November. A really odd choice, I'll admit. But regardless it was pretty fun. Plus it motivated me to make some pretty cool art that I'm quite proud of...also a couple that didn't turn out as I had hoped, but let's not talk about those ones.

Thank you to everyone who wanted a letter, I'm sorry it took so long, you folks are the best!

Thank you to everyone who had some kind words to share regarding the project.

Thank you to the post office for handling all the deliveries and putting up with some really odd envelopes.

And special shout outs to Stacy Brownhill, Hannah Camfield-Bronstein, Kristen Crandell, Mary Davis, and Rianna Robertson for sending me letters back! You ladies are too awesome for words.

In case you want to peruse all the envelopes again, here are the links.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Any favorites?


31.


32.

33.


34.

Birthday Wrapping

It was my mom's birthday a few days ago and I got her a book. I asked my sister what she had decided to go with and she said something like, "I got her some tickets to something or other and I guess I'll get her a card to put them in."

As we have established in a previous post, I have a slight addiction to trying to win at birthdays. Therefore I obviously couldn't just sit there while my sister gets our mom both a present and a card! Clearly my sister was aware that I hate buying cards. A bold strategy indeed. Thus I did the next best thing to a card: wrote a message on wrapping paper. Okay, if we're being technical it wasn't "wrapping paper" per se, more like notebook paper. Exactly like notebook paper, actually. But still, you get the drift. So here is the wrapping-card I doodled out.


Then after wrapping the present in some blank notebook paper I wrapped the wrapping-card over the top. Which results in this:
Overall a marked improvement on what I would have done had I not been challenged. However, later that day I find out my sister was too busy and/or lazy to go get a card.

Well played, Sis. Well played.

The Breadfruit 08/18/10

PeopleWatch: Jim Awesome

Imagine you are talking to a tall man with short brown hair and black rimmed indie glasses. He is witty and smart and can talk excitedly about any topic you can think of. Then suddenly he begins to pee his pants. You've just met Jim Awesome, a lab assistant living in northeast Mycity. While many would attribute the incident on a weak bladder or a mental disorder, Jim sees it in a different way: as an act of God.

“I know it sounds a little crazy,” Jim said. “I don't expect anyone to understand. I have a special connection with my God and I have to trust that he knows what's best for me.”

Jim doesn't subscribe to the idea of monotheism, instead believing that every person has their own personal God watching over them and leading their actions. Therefore when Jim wets his pants it is because his God has refused to let him go to the bathroom.

“It happens from time to time. I want to go to the bathroom, but I just feel this divine order to continue talking with my friends or to just keep working out. It's embarrassing, but that's the point. Humility is a virtue.”

It turns out many of Jim's friends have recommended that he see a psychiatrist, but Jim just laughs and tells them he isn't sure how he'd find the time. His divine orders aren't things he necessarily has to do, in fact from time to time he's disobeyed a few. However, it turns out you can't disobey a God without facing some repercussions.

“One time he [God] trapped me in my swimming pool...I nearly died.”

The Breadfruit 08/16/10

High-Pressure Fight Gets Bloody

DETROIT—Spectators at a Penultimate Fighting event were shocked last Thursday when the opening match of the season ended in tragedy. The fighters, last year's champion Jackson Briggs and newcomer Liu Kang, were both pronounced dead at the scene, both due to substantial blood loss. Spectators say that the match only lasted about 10 seconds and only 2 punches were thrown before both fighters collapsed. “It was insane,” said season ticket holder Edward Boon. “Kang hit Jackson with a left hook and suddenly there was blood spraying everywhere. Then Jackson starts falling forward but gets in a jab on his way down and the same thing happens to Kang. Next thing I know they're both lying in pools of blood and the ring looks like a [expletive deleted] horror movie.” Past studies have shown that blood will spray from wounds when an area of high blood pressure, such as an artery, is severed. However, doctors say the blood pressure required to explain such a dramatic reaction from such minor wounds is off the charts. Further matches have been delayed until investigators are able to get to the bottom of the situation.