There's a monster here.
It hides underneath your bed.
It watches you sleep.
Drip, Clank, Skitter, Creak.
Just normal house noises, right?
But how sure are you?
In the dark they come.
Leaves crunching under their feet
and greed in their eyes.
Ding dong, Trick or Treat!
No I'm not too old for this.
Who's too old for fun?
Devil Holiday?
The devil hates Halloween.
Not enough fiddles.
Blades put into treats?
Just a myth, but just in case
I'll put gauze in mine.
Bobbing for apples.
There's just no excitement there.
Unless you add eels.
Costume ideas:
Something classy yet naughty...
Slutty Bill Clinton.
You're going to die.
It happens to everyone.
STOP RUNNING AWAY!
The ultimate feud!
No, not Werewolves and Vampires.
Ghosts versus Zombies!
Children cannot see
unless you carve out their eyes.
...or is that pumpkins?
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Why Do I Do The Things I Do?
You know what? I've never used poetry as an emotional outlet or anything of that sort. No, when I try to write a poem it is generally because I'm trying to be impressive, or because I find them amusing. Thus it seems I usually end up posting them on people's Facebook walls. As I feel bad for having been so awful at posting stuff recently I've decided to bring you some this Facebook Featured Poetry.
Double Feature:
Double feature picture show!
Lots of creatures fast and slow!
Why are you waiting? It's time go!
2for1 on Science Fiction.
Super old, so no age restrictions!
We've got Space ship laser gun depiction
and defiance against alien conscription!
The Heights will feed your nerdy childhood addictions,
with tons of classic science fictions.
Forget your spouse and forget your teachers
It's time to sit in theater bleachers
for a science fiction double feature!
[yes I realize there are no bleachers just comfy chairs,
but rhyming is hard and who really cares?]
Peter's Birthday Rap:
That's right, he's Pe-ter,
and even Je-ter,
isn't nea-ter,
except in the bathroom
cause Peter pees by the liter.
On the manly guage,
he can't be upstaged,
became a pokemon trainer when he came of age.
He lives up in space,
fights with a mace,
and with a regal grace,
he'll smash in your face.
But he always carries an umbrella
just in case,
Cause he's prepared,
ain't never scared,
never picks truth
cause he always picks dare.
But his life history,
is not a mystery,
cause his Facebook page,
says he's gained an age,
which means I just gots to say,
with some word play,
have a Happy Birthday
O-kay?
Tokushima no Haiku:
Tokushimashi
Awa Odori aru!
...soredake da.
[Tokushima burg,
It has the dance festival!
...that's pretty much it.]
“The Invisible Man” Haiku:
Invisible Man
Why won't they leave him alone?
Too late, now he's mad!
Why Is There A Band-Aid On Your Arm?
Because my current occupation
has contract stipulation
against virus inundation
causing patient devastation
and to stop such an altercation
I had this needle penetration
deliver a vaccination
to prevent an influenza infestation.
And that's the explanation
to this band-aid presentation
on my arm.
A Nora Borealis:
There's something in the sky today,
there's something very queer.
The cosmos is a ballet today,
and it's got me grinning ear to ear.
It's a Nora Borealis
and it's set the sky aglow.
The heavens a dance palace,
casting colors to and fro.
The moon is doing plies today,
as the stars do pirouettes.
The comets pop&lock today,
as the wind plays clarinet.
It's a Nora Borealis
and the atmospheres a stage,
take to the air like Daedalus
as you dance away your age.
There's something in the sky today,
a cosmic celebration.
It's Nora Gay's birthday today,
so join in the jubilation.
Double Feature:
Double feature picture show!
Lots of creatures fast and slow!
Why are you waiting? It's time go!
2for1 on Science Fiction.
Super old, so no age restrictions!
We've got Space ship laser gun depiction
and defiance against alien conscription!
The Heights will feed your nerdy childhood addictions,
with tons of classic science fictions.
Forget your spouse and forget your teachers
It's time to sit in theater bleachers
for a science fiction double feature!
[yes I realize there are no bleachers just comfy chairs,
but rhyming is hard and who really cares?]
Peter's Birthday Rap:
That's right, he's Pe-ter,
and even Je-ter,
isn't nea-ter,
except in the bathroom
cause Peter pees by the liter.
On the manly guage,
he can't be upstaged,
became a pokemon trainer when he came of age.
He lives up in space,
fights with a mace,
and with a regal grace,
he'll smash in your face.
But he always carries an umbrella
just in case,
Cause he's prepared,
ain't never scared,
never picks truth
cause he always picks dare.
But his life history,
is not a mystery,
cause his Facebook page,
says he's gained an age,
which means I just gots to say,
with some word play,
have a Happy Birthday
O-kay?
Tokushima no Haiku:
Tokushimashi
Awa Odori aru!
...soredake da.
[Tokushima burg,
It has the dance festival!
...that's pretty much it.]
“The Invisible Man” Haiku:
Invisible Man
Why won't they leave him alone?
Too late, now he's mad!
Why Is There A Band-Aid On Your Arm?
Because my current occupation
has contract stipulation
against virus inundation
causing patient devastation
and to stop such an altercation
I had this needle penetration
deliver a vaccination
to prevent an influenza infestation.
And that's the explanation
to this band-aid presentation
on my arm.
A Nora Borealis:
There's something in the sky today,
there's something very queer.
The cosmos is a ballet today,
and it's got me grinning ear to ear.
It's a Nora Borealis
and it's set the sky aglow.
The heavens a dance palace,
casting colors to and fro.
The moon is doing plies today,
as the stars do pirouettes.
The comets pop&lock today,
as the wind plays clarinet.
It's a Nora Borealis
and the atmospheres a stage,
take to the air like Daedalus
as you dance away your age.
There's something in the sky today,
a cosmic celebration.
It's Nora Gay's birthday today,
so join in the jubilation.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Mailman Visage Glue
It's another Mix CD cover! As per usual it sports a snazzy anagram name titles. Although, as you will probably notice, this time I didn't plan things out well enough and the bottom part of the title is hard to read, but I suppose that is what I get for rushing to get it done. Where's ctrl+Z when you need it, eh?
Monday, September 20, 2010
Give Me The Job!
Earlier in the year I tried to get a job as a Reference Assistant at the Minnesota History Center. I came pretty close, but ultimately didn't make the cut. However, a new reference assistant position has opened up! Thus I am making a second attempt. This time I'm going all out. Will a decorative envelope be enough to impress the people in HR? Probably not. Will that stop me from doing it anyway? Never!
Front-
Back-
Because I'm not sure what kind of postage this thing required (61¢ in case you were curious) I took it to the Post Office. However, it turns out the Post Office does not appreciate it when you mess with addresses. Here is an approximate transcript of me getting told off:
[The man at the Post Office looks at it for a couple seconds.]
Post Man: "So is this the zip code here off to the side?
Jesse: "Yep."
Post Man: "I get that you think you're being cute or whatever, but it messes with our system when you don't put the zip code in the proper place."
Jesse: "Ummm...yeah, but I put the full address on the back as well, so I thought it'd be okay."
Post Man: "Look. The zip code goes right after the city and state" [he points to the right of the city and state] "or underneath them" [he points to underneath them] "When you mess around like this the computer can't scan it right and it could end up anywhere. Okay?"
Jesse: "Uhhh, sure...I'm not too worried about it though."
Post Man: "I'm just trying to help you. I mean I'm sure you don't want your stuff to end up in Tallahassee or where ever."
Jesse: "...Uh...thanks. So how much is it?"
-End of Transcript-
Since I never make a fuss in person, preferring to silently fume about it, I'm gonna take a moment say a couple things.
1) Zip code properly placed or not, if a computer could make sense of an address this off beat I'd be throughly impressed.
2) The guy noticed the zip code's location in 2 seconds. I would imagine if the computer can't make sense of it, then a person will end up looking at it and 2 seconds later it'll be on its way.
3) Tallahassee? The History Center is like 10 miles away from that Post Office. If the United States Postal Service misses its target by 1,300 miles then they aren't anywhere near as competent as I gave them credit for. So really, Mr. Post Man, you are pointing out your own failures and not mine...dick.
Well, with any luck my envelope will get to its intended locale and not stop off for a stint in Florida's capital. With some even more luck I will get the job. Here's hoping.
Front-
Back-
Because I'm not sure what kind of postage this thing required (61¢ in case you were curious) I took it to the Post Office. However, it turns out the Post Office does not appreciate it when you mess with addresses. Here is an approximate transcript of me getting told off:
[The man at the Post Office looks at it for a couple seconds.]
Post Man: "So is this the zip code here off to the side?
Jesse: "Yep."
Post Man: "I get that you think you're being cute or whatever, but it messes with our system when you don't put the zip code in the proper place."
Jesse: "Ummm...yeah, but I put the full address on the back as well, so I thought it'd be okay."
Post Man: "Look. The zip code goes right after the city and state" [he points to the right of the city and state] "or underneath them" [he points to underneath them] "When you mess around like this the computer can't scan it right and it could end up anywhere. Okay?"
Jesse: "Uhhh, sure...I'm not too worried about it though."
Post Man: "I'm just trying to help you. I mean I'm sure you don't want your stuff to end up in Tallahassee or where ever."
Jesse: "...Uh...thanks. So how much is it?"
-End of Transcript-
Since I never make a fuss in person, preferring to silently fume about it, I'm gonna take a moment say a couple things.
1) Zip code properly placed or not, if a computer could make sense of an address this off beat I'd be throughly impressed.
2) The guy noticed the zip code's location in 2 seconds. I would imagine if the computer can't make sense of it, then a person will end up looking at it and 2 seconds later it'll be on its way.
3) Tallahassee? The History Center is like 10 miles away from that Post Office. If the United States Postal Service misses its target by 1,300 miles then they aren't anywhere near as competent as I gave them credit for. So really, Mr. Post Man, you are pointing out your own failures and not mine...dick.
Well, with any luck my envelope will get to its intended locale and not stop off for a stint in Florida's capital. With some even more luck I will get the job. Here's hoping.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Where's My Slaw!
I've been talking to some people and the consensus seems to be that people want more drawings. I've got some comics nearing completion for you fine folks, but I can be quite lazy, so who knows when I'll finish. However, in the mean time here is a Facebook graffiti drawing to tide you over. If you don't understand it then you probably haven't seen "The Sad, Sad Tale of Chickenfoot" episode of Invader Zim.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Post-Postal Apocalypse
While every letter I wrote for the Extravaganza was different I thought I'd give you a little peek into one of them. The following is the opening to letter #33. While most of the letters weren't quite so literary, every once in awhile I'd go on a kick. Overall they didn't turn out too bad, which is surprising because I did it on the fly and in pen.
“The city looked bleak. At least that's what people said. The sun would brave a quick peek from its blanket of smog and dust, illuminating the wreckage of relics that made up the former metropolis. People would gaze upon the landscape as if the light were showing it to them for the first time and they'd sigh. Then the sun would disappear, the gloom would return, and the people would mutter, to no one in particular, “what a bleak city”. Sonja did not see it that way.
To say the city was “bleak” would be inviting the mistaken interpretation that the city was bare. Certainly there was less of it after the years of bombing, but even rubble takes up space. Sonja preferred to say that the city was doleful. Doleful. A proper definition wrapped in a bright and colorful set of syllables; the product of a rose-colored dictionary. If you can't find enjoyment in the little things you might as well lay down and try to catch an explosion on your tongue.
These are just a handful of the thoughts running through her mind as she walked home. Miraculously her apartment building had survived, thus far. Sure the roof was gone, and sure the toilet's pipes weren't connected to anything anymore, but it was familiar and that was nice. She began to walk up her front steps when she noticed her mailbox was broken. Its lid had come right off. Not that it mattered in this post-postal world, but she picked it up and was just about to return it to its proper place when she noticed something. There was a letter in her box. She picked it out of the tattered mailbox and looked at it. As the realization of what it was hit her, she laughed.
'Well,' she said while still chuckling, 'I guess it's better late than never.'
Hiya Sonja! This letter is super late, but not so late as to be sent in some post-apocalyptic, war-torn future. So, in the grand scheme of things, it isn't very late at all.”
“The city looked bleak. At least that's what people said. The sun would brave a quick peek from its blanket of smog and dust, illuminating the wreckage of relics that made up the former metropolis. People would gaze upon the landscape as if the light were showing it to them for the first time and they'd sigh. Then the sun would disappear, the gloom would return, and the people would mutter, to no one in particular, “what a bleak city”. Sonja did not see it that way.
To say the city was “bleak” would be inviting the mistaken interpretation that the city was bare. Certainly there was less of it after the years of bombing, but even rubble takes up space. Sonja preferred to say that the city was doleful. Doleful. A proper definition wrapped in a bright and colorful set of syllables; the product of a rose-colored dictionary. If you can't find enjoyment in the little things you might as well lay down and try to catch an explosion on your tongue.
These are just a handful of the thoughts running through her mind as she walked home. Miraculously her apartment building had survived, thus far. Sure the roof was gone, and sure the toilet's pipes weren't connected to anything anymore, but it was familiar and that was nice. She began to walk up her front steps when she noticed her mailbox was broken. Its lid had come right off. Not that it mattered in this post-postal world, but she picked it up and was just about to return it to its proper place when she noticed something. There was a letter in her box. She picked it out of the tattered mailbox and looked at it. As the realization of what it was hit her, she laughed.
'Well,' she said while still chuckling, 'I guess it's better late than never.'
Hiya Sonja! This letter is super late, but not so late as to be sent in some post-apocalyptic, war-torn future. So, in the grand scheme of things, it isn't very late at all.”
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Letter Extravaganza '09: Part 7
And thus we come to the end. After putting it off for a long time I have completed the last couple of letters. I know I had said that I was doing 35 letters, but things change and thus the final count is 34. Which means that I've written about 136 pages of correspondence, drawn 34 different envelope designs, and used about $16.58 in postage.
All in all it was a lot of fun. I'm not sure why I decided to name it "Letter Extravaganza '09" and then start it in November. A really odd choice, I'll admit. But regardless it was pretty fun. Plus it motivated me to make some pretty cool art that I'm quite proud of...also a couple that didn't turn out as I had hoped, but let's not talk about those ones.
Thank you to everyone who wanted a letter, I'm sorry it took so long, you folks are the best!
Thank you to everyone who had some kind words to share regarding the project.
Thank you to the post office for handling all the deliveries and putting up with some really odd envelopes.
And special shout outs to Stacy Brownhill, Hannah Camfield-Bronstein, Kristen Crandell, Mary Davis, and Rianna Robertson for sending me letters back! You ladies are too awesome for words.
In case you want to peruse all the envelopes again, here are the links.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6
Any favorites?
31.
32.
33.
34.
All in all it was a lot of fun. I'm not sure why I decided to name it "Letter Extravaganza '09" and then start it in November. A really odd choice, I'll admit. But regardless it was pretty fun. Plus it motivated me to make some pretty cool art that I'm quite proud of...also a couple that didn't turn out as I had hoped, but let's not talk about those ones.
Thank you to everyone who wanted a letter, I'm sorry it took so long, you folks are the best!
Thank you to everyone who had some kind words to share regarding the project.
Thank you to the post office for handling all the deliveries and putting up with some really odd envelopes.
And special shout outs to Stacy Brownhill, Hannah Camfield-Bronstein, Kristen Crandell, Mary Davis, and Rianna Robertson for sending me letters back! You ladies are too awesome for words.
In case you want to peruse all the envelopes again, here are the links.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6
Any favorites?
31.
32.
33.
34.
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