Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Big Companies Hate English

          "Deposit slips, deposit slips...oh, there they are. Let's see here. Cash? $0. Checks? $360. Subtotal? $360. Minus cash received? What? Minus cash received. Am I supposed to put the amount I want back here or am I just supposed to minus that amount from the subtotal? Minus cash received...I can't really think of another way to read that. Ok, so if I minus the cash I want back I get $340. Total? $340."

        "Hello. How may I help you?"
        "Hi, I'd like to make a deposit please."
        "Alrighty. Ummm, how much did you want to deposit?"
        "340 dollars."
        "Then 20 dollars cash back?"
        "It's just that you put the wrong amount on here."
        "What? I was just doing what the slip said. It said 'Minus cash received', so I subtracted the cash I wanted back from the total."
        "Don't worry about it. It is a simple mistake, I'll fix it for you."
        "Wait, why are you acting like this is my fault? This is the bank's fault, not mine. I mean why would they let something like that be put on hundreds of thousands of deposit slips when it doesn't make any sense?"
        "It says here you don't have a savings account with us. Would you like to open one?"
        "...What? I have my savings at another bank. I told you that the last time I was here."
        "Well if you were to open one with us we could offer you free online bill pay, along with many other services."
        "...Why on Earth would I want to trust my savings with a bank that doesn't even know how to properly use English? Plus your interest rates here aren't competitive enough for me to want to switch."
        "Sir, is that a crack at me because I'm Hispanic?"
        "What? No! It's because of the deposit slips!"
        "If you were to start a savings account with us you could-"
        "Please, I just want to make my deposit. Please?"
        "Here is your receipt and here is your cash back."
        "Thank you."
        "Is there anything else I can do for you today?"
        "No. Thanks. You've already done enough."


  1. please tell me this conversation took place in your head

  2. Well I was never accused of being a racist, but otherwise that is pretty much how my trip to the bank went down.