Beat That!

I just had a dream where I was hanging out with my friend Max, a chubby roller disco gangsta, and some weird nerd. Among other activities we all had to fit on a single bicycle because the nerd's mom wouldn't drive us and we all were wearing makeshift garbage bag rain coats because of the weather. The roller disco gangsta was my favorite part.

Ok I need I schedule. So here's the deal every Monday I will post a new comic. Every Friday I'll post some random bit of art. I know I've said such things before, but I'm going to try this time. It seems easy enough that I can stick to it. Hopefully. We shall see.

If I fail I'll pass out some hugs on the house or a prize of equal or lesser value.

Dreaming

My enveloping continues. Also I've been playing with sidewalk chalk. People will give you bizarre looks when you tell them you spent the day partaking of a child's activity, but it is a lot of fun. It's like legal graffiti. In fact I think I might go out again to do some more tomorrow. After all I think the only plan I have for tomorrow is to go driving with my mom so she can show me the route to the hospital in case my sister goes into labor and I have to drive her there. Which reminds me that I really should get back to work on getting my driver's license. I really don't care about it at all, but it would be nice to not have to deal with it anymore.

In other news I think I am a contender for most interesting dreams. Last night my dream had adventure, sex, zombies, wisecracks, knitting, an artistic montage scene, and a flame thrower. Just not in that order. Let's see you top that!

One letter remains! I'm almost done with these prizes.

One Done

I've pretty much finished the first of the prize letter's envelopes. I have also discovered that I should either stop doing envelope art or start doing more of it. I swear a fair amount of my favorite art has gotten sent out on envelopes. So is it better to have done it, or to have kept it? The best watercolor piece I've ever done was on an envelope. This one is looking pretty awesome as well. Oh well. If they look good then the prize is all the better, eh? Once I get word from the recipient that they've gotten the letter I'll post a scan. At least now I've gotten smart enough to always take pictures before sending them out. Hopefully I'll keep this pace up and have all the prizes out by Wednesday.

Melanie's Birthday

I learned late that today (yesterday technically) is Melanie's Birthday! So I felt compelled to quickly do a comic for it.
Yes I had some scanner trouble and I'll probably post a better scan later on, but for the moment timeliness is somewhat important. Because she lives on the West Coast I still have like 20 minutes to send this picture to her and thus making it on her Birthday. Hooray!

P.S. I really want a snowcone now.

Father's Day!

Hey all you manly Father's out there. What's crackin'? Hopefully not your back you old codger, you. I don't think any Fathers read this, but it is better to be save than sorry.I continue my all-out ban on store bought cards this year, but I didn't give myself much of a head start and ended up doing a quick job on it. The weird gray streaks are because it had already been folded into card form before I scanned it. In the end it doesn't matter though because anything hand made is better than a store bought card. How much do they charge for those things? I bet it's over $2, which is silly. I realized while writing the idea for this joke that no one would get it, despite this obvious flaw it amuses me...and in the end isn't that what truly matters? In case you are one of the people that don't get it the joke is "Jeans"="Genes". If you did get it you should give yourself a pat on the back. I'd do it, but you aren't around. You only have yourself to blame for that.

EDIT: I gave the card to my Dad and he totally got the joke first try! Well done, Pops. Kudos.

Only 4 Years 'Till Next Time

While the first day of Jury Duty was amazingly boring, yesterday and today haven't been too bad. I should inform you that if you get selected for Jury Duty don't listen to other people and try to say things to get kicked off of a jury in the selection process. People who don't get put on juries are pretty much guaranteed to have to stay the full 2 weeks or more. Be warned.

If there was something weird about the trial it was the attorneys. The Prosecutor's named was Judd. Surprisingly it actually fit him. His suit was always wrinkled and misfitting. The creepiest thing was his fake smile seemed to mask a hidden evil that wished to break free. Plus he was annoying as hell. He repeated everything. When asking potential jurors questions he asked everyone the same questions and said he was sorry for being repetitive. He repeatedly apologized for being repetitive! How does that make sense? Besides all these things he was a pretty awful lawyer so go figure.

The Defense attorney on the other hand was nervous, stumbled in his speech sometimes and on multiple occasions misspoke in a way that incriminated his client; only catching the mistake a few sentences later.

The Battle of the Novice Lawyers!

Let me tell you, it is really quite bizarre to hear "Taco Bell" be mentioned in a trial. Especially when it is mentioned a lot. If it had been filmed you would have thought there was serious product placement going on. Apparently that Taco Bell's parking lot is a hot spot for trouble.

Another point of notice: although the opening and closing statements of the lawyers sound a lot like speeches you are not to clap when they finish. I very nearly made this mistake after an awkward silence confused me. Luckily someone said something and thus stopped me from making a fool of myself.

Also a note to whoever runs the jury assembly room: please update your games. Trivial Pursuit from 1981 is extremely difficult. Especially entertainment questions. I do not now, nor have I ever known any Lucille Ball trivia. The old game did, however, teach me that the singular of "graffiti" is "graffito"...which just seems so wrong.


Oh so I found some stupid think on the internet today where people were supposed to create dialogue for their comic...although they were responsible for putting the "BANG BOOM" sound effect in. After they mentioned that the last panel featured their character naked in a tree I couldn't keep my immaturity at bay.I'm still giggling at the term "STDed".

Alrighty I'm sleepy and need to stop writing. This post is already massive, so I doubt you'll mind.

State of Minnesota...Why Do You Hate Me?

I've learned that I'm in an abusive relationship. I love them, but they treat me like dirt. Damn you, Minnesota! Why do you scorn me? In exchange for my affection I get sent to Jury Duty. For those lucky people who have never had to do this before let me sum it up for you.

Jury Duty = Being forced to sit in a room from 9am-4:30pm every weekday for 2 weeks and only getting $20/day for it.

I'm sure I've mentioned the selection of weirdos you get on Amtrak, but I've discovered that to really get some weirdos you just need to take a random selection of the populace. One woman there was trying to do everything she could to get out of doing it. Apparently she:
+Has a bad memory and thus isn't sure if she can remember everything
+Has diabetes and thinks she'll have to leave for frequent breaks to get nibbles
+Will have to take a bus, which she's never done before, adding to her anxiety
+Not sure if her "urban" dress will be appropriate (Answer: Yes, your reeboks, jeans and polo shirt are fine)
+Dislikes cops because they pepper sprayed her and her friends for being a bit rowdy as they walked down the street. Also "they be tazin' everyone all the time".
+And has to work evenings so she'll just might be "fallin' asleep all the time".

Also I dropped some eaves onto some preppy white kids' conversation as they listened with rapt attention to one kid as he described the intricacies of his iTunes star rating system. His rating is such an elite system that only two songs have gotten the highest honor of the 5 star rating. He says he doesn't listen to a lot of rap, but Kanye West is an exception. His songs all have 3 stars and a few even have 4! [I should note that if Kanye West is far from remarkable. For good rap I recommend Atmosphere, Sage Francis, and Brother Ali.]

I tried to get a comic done, but that damn room sucked out any motivation I might have had. Turns out I need input while I work to get things done. It is quite hard to keep your mind on fun silly things when you've been sitting in the same room for hours and still have hours to go. Hopefully you'll accept my ranting as a replacement.

I've been addicted to a couple of songs recently. I can listen to them again and again and just not get sick of them. Here are links in case you're curious.
Pogo's Alice
and any song by Karmella's Game

Technically...

So technically I did do some art for Saturday, but it's for a prize so I can't post it yet. When the recipient gets to so will you! Envelopes are super hard to do. You have to dedicate space for all the addressing crap and that means you either have to incorporate it, or work around it. Never fear, I'll have something put up for today later on at a less ridiculous time.

In other news I have to go to Jury Duty on Monday. What's the deal with that? I haven't even voted yet and I still have to go? Lameity. Oh well. As long as they don't make me stay there for too long it shouldn't be too bad. I'll just have to bring my sketch book and try to get that day's comic done there.

Updates Return

My idea of doing a long thing this month isn't going very well, so screw it. Let's bring back the daily updates, shall we? Without school and my dependence on their scanners it should be a lot easier to do. Today's was done quite quickly, but I'll put more work into tomorrows.Except for the last panel this conversation actually happened between my mom and I. I tried to explain how to copy something and she said she needed to go write it down. She has been using a computer for years now and I have no idea how she does it. My guess is sheer willpower. But bless her, she keeps at it despite the frustration computers cause her.

The Offer Has Expired

Just an update to let you all know that the special non-posting apology offer has ended. 3 People responded. The members of this lucky trio will all receive a letter from me featuring envelope art and everything. While everyone else is reading their junk mail and bills these lucky souls will be able to enjoy that great feeling that comes with finding an actual letter in the mailbox.

Letters are kind of funny don't you think? I mean in this day and age they are pretty rare, but something in our culture has created a special place for them. Just think about the image of Charlie Brown sitting by his mailbox waiting for a Valentine, or the torment Calvin went through when he knew his propeller bennie was coming in the mail and ran home everyday hoping it had come. They're romanticized as well in other mediums as well, just look at all the letter writing that went on in Pride and Prejudice. Words have power. When an idea is written down it holds importance and power, because it has permanence. You can always go back and see what it said word for word. Speech doesn't have the same power, things that are said are bound to be forgotten or at the very least faded over time. People love letters, but they never send them. How odd.

June Action!

Well today is the first day of June and thus the start of my June goal. This month I will attempt to make a 10 page comic story. I figure that averages out to me doing a third of a page every day, which seems doable. I'll give it my best shot and hopefully it won't suck ass. I haven't started anything yet so everything about it will have to be done this month.

In other news time is running out on your chance to get an apology prize from me for lack of posting [see last post for details]. So far only two lucky readers have shown up and with some luck I'll get around to their prizes in a somewhat timely manner.

Now if you'll excuse me I should really get cracking on getting a semblance of a story together.