Post-Postal Apocalypse

While every letter I wrote for the Extravaganza was different I thought I'd give you a little peek into one of them. The following is the opening to letter #33. While most of the letters weren't quite so literary, every once in awhile I'd go on a kick. Overall they didn't turn out too bad, which is surprising because I did it on the fly and in pen.

        “The city looked bleak. At least that's what people said. The sun would brave a quick peek from its blanket of smog and dust, illuminating the wreckage of relics that made up the former metropolis. People would gaze upon the landscape as if the light were showing it to them for the first time and they'd sigh. Then the sun would disappear, the gloom would return, and the people would mutter, to no one in particular, “what a bleak city”. Sonja did not see it that way.
        To say the city was “bleak” would be inviting the mistaken interpretation that the city was bare. Certainly there was less of it after the years of bombing, but even rubble takes up space. Sonja preferred to say that the city was doleful. Doleful. A proper definition wrapped in a bright and colorful set of syllables; the product of a rose-colored dictionary. If you can't find enjoyment in the little things you might as well lay down and try to catch an explosion on your tongue.
        These are just a handful of the thoughts running through her mind as she walked home. Miraculously her apartment building had survived, thus far. Sure the roof was gone, and sure the toilet's pipes weren't connected to anything anymore, but it was familiar and that was nice. She began to walk up her front steps when she noticed her mailbox was broken. Its lid had come right off. Not that it mattered in this post-postal world, but she picked it up and was just about to return it to its proper place when she noticed something. There was a letter in her box. She picked it out of the tattered mailbox and looked at it. As the realization of what it was hit her, she laughed.
        'Well,' she said while still chuckling, 'I guess it's better late than never.'

     Hiya Sonja! This letter is super late, but not so late as to be sent in some post-apocalyptic, war-torn future. So, in the grand scheme of things, it isn't very late at all.”

Letter Extravaganza '09: Part 7

And thus we come to the end. After putting it off for a long time I have completed the last couple of letters. I know I had said that I was doing 35 letters, but things change and thus the final count is 34. Which means that I've written about 136 pages of correspondence, drawn 34 different envelope designs, and used about $16.58 in postage.

All in all it was a lot of fun. I'm not sure why I decided to name it "Letter Extravaganza '09" and then start it in November. A really odd choice, I'll admit. But regardless it was pretty fun. Plus it motivated me to make some pretty cool art that I'm quite proud of...also a couple that didn't turn out as I had hoped, but let's not talk about those ones.

Thank you to everyone who wanted a letter, I'm sorry it took so long, you folks are the best!

Thank you to everyone who had some kind words to share regarding the project.

Thank you to the post office for handling all the deliveries and putting up with some really odd envelopes.

And special shout outs to Stacy Brownhill, Hannah Camfield-Bronstein, Kristen Crandell, Mary Davis, and Rianna Robertson for sending me letters back! You ladies are too awesome for words.

In case you want to peruse all the envelopes again, here are the links.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Any favorites?


31.


32.

33.


34.

Birthday Wrapping

It was my mom's birthday a few days ago and I got her a book. I asked my sister what she had decided to go with and she said something like, "I got her some tickets to something or other and I guess I'll get her a card to put them in."

As we have established in a previous post, I have a slight addiction to trying to win at birthdays. Therefore I obviously couldn't just sit there while my sister gets our mom both a present and a card! Clearly my sister was aware that I hate buying cards. A bold strategy indeed. Thus I did the next best thing to a card: wrote a message on wrapping paper. Okay, if we're being technical it wasn't "wrapping paper" per se, more like notebook paper. Exactly like notebook paper, actually. But still, you get the drift. So here is the wrapping-card I doodled out.


Then after wrapping the present in some blank notebook paper I wrapped the wrapping-card over the top. Which results in this:
Overall a marked improvement on what I would have done had I not been challenged. However, later that day I find out my sister was too busy and/or lazy to go get a card.

Well played, Sis. Well played.

The Breadfruit 08/18/10

PeopleWatch: Jim Awesome

Imagine you are talking to a tall man with short brown hair and black rimmed indie glasses. He is witty and smart and can talk excitedly about any topic you can think of. Then suddenly he begins to pee his pants. You've just met Jim Awesome, a lab assistant living in northeast Mycity. While many would attribute the incident on a weak bladder or a mental disorder, Jim sees it in a different way: as an act of God.

“I know it sounds a little crazy,” Jim said. “I don't expect anyone to understand. I have a special connection with my God and I have to trust that he knows what's best for me.”

Jim doesn't subscribe to the idea of monotheism, instead believing that every person has their own personal God watching over them and leading their actions. Therefore when Jim wets his pants it is because his God has refused to let him go to the bathroom.

“It happens from time to time. I want to go to the bathroom, but I just feel this divine order to continue talking with my friends or to just keep working out. It's embarrassing, but that's the point. Humility is a virtue.”

It turns out many of Jim's friends have recommended that he see a psychiatrist, but Jim just laughs and tells them he isn't sure how he'd find the time. His divine orders aren't things he necessarily has to do, in fact from time to time he's disobeyed a few. However, it turns out you can't disobey a God without facing some repercussions.

“One time he [God] trapped me in my swimming pool...I nearly died.”

The Breadfruit 08/16/10

High-Pressure Fight Gets Bloody

DETROIT—Spectators at a Penultimate Fighting event were shocked last Thursday when the opening match of the season ended in tragedy. The fighters, last year's champion Jackson Briggs and newcomer Liu Kang, were both pronounced dead at the scene, both due to substantial blood loss. Spectators say that the match only lasted about 10 seconds and only 2 punches were thrown before both fighters collapsed. “It was insane,” said season ticket holder Edward Boon. “Kang hit Jackson with a left hook and suddenly there was blood spraying everywhere. Then Jackson starts falling forward but gets in a jab on his way down and the same thing happens to Kang. Next thing I know they're both lying in pools of blood and the ring looks like a [expletive deleted] horror movie.” Past studies have shown that blood will spray from wounds when an area of high blood pressure, such as an artery, is severed. However, doctors say the blood pressure required to explain such a dramatic reaction from such minor wounds is off the charts. Further matches have been delayed until investigators are able to get to the bottom of the situation.

The Breadfruit 08/15/10

Sonic Needs a Ring To Survive

MOBIUS—Ogilvie “Sonic” Maurice was hospitalized on Saturday evening after experiencing heart difficulties. The famous racer, well known for holding the land speed record, was rushed from the Eggman Bar&Grill after experiencing severe chest pain. Spectators say that Sonic was trying to win his girlfriend a stuffed animal from a claw machine when he started to complain about the chest pains.

“It was so scary” said Sally Acorn, Sonic's girlfriend. “One second he was joking and laughing like usual and the next he has gone quiet and was clutching his chest . A lot of people just thought he had drank too much, but he had only had some energy drinks. He never drank alcohol because he said it slowed him down.”

Sonic was taken to nearby Green Hills Hospital. On Sunday morning doctors confirmed that the problem was not related to alcohol or drugs. The chest pains had been caused from a heart disease

“Mr. Maurice is suffering from a condition known as Mitral Stenosis,” said the hospital's head cardiologist Dr. Ivo Robotnik. “It occurs when the heart's mitral valve stops opening completely. This causes the pressure in the left atrium to increase. The increase in pressure puts severe stress on the heart and leads to even bigger problems.”

While Sonic's family members did release general information about the cause of the hospitalization and plans for recovery, they refused to answer any further specifics. If the mitral stenosis was the result of a previous condition is currently unknown to the public.

“My son's illness is a private matter,” said Bernice Maurice, Sonic's mother. “His health, however, is for everyone to enjoy. After the surgeons put a new valve ring in him, he'll be back on his feet in no time.”

The surgery is scheduled for Tuesday morning.

The Breadfruit 08/14/10

The Princess Is In a Different Castle

OMB, BOWSERLAND—“The princess isn't going anywhere,” said King Kametaro Bowser, the leader of the Bowserland, during a press release held this Friday regarding the detention of Princess Momomi. In which King Bowser restated his position in the matter and noted that he didn't plan on changing his mind any time soon.

Princess Momomi Peach, the prominent heir to Mushroom Kingdom, was detained by the Koopas on August 1 after straying into Bowserland territory while on a hike with friends. Representatives of Mushroom Kingdom maintain that the princess was simply enjoying a hiking trip over summer vacation and merely got a little lost. However, the Koopas insist that she was spying, having found cameras and other high-tech recording devices in the hiking party's possession.

Relations between Mushroom Kingdom and Bowserland have been tense ever since the two countries were partitioned in 1983. To this the day the borders remain ill defined, with many territories still in dispute and tempers high.

“I just pray that she'll be alright,” said Prime Minister of Sarasaland, Daisy Caddy. “I've been in her position before. I was kidnapped in my youth, so while this situation is a little different and a lot more complicated, I can still empathize. Hopefully these two countries will be able to put aside their differences for the sake of this young woman.”

There have been many cases of hikers being detained by the Koopa after crossing into their borders. Most often the disputes end quickly and the trespassers released. This case, however, is unique not only because of the prominence of the detainee, but also because of her past. This represents the third time Princess Momomi has been detained for illegally crossing into Bowserland territory. The first 2 times she was released immediately as a sign of good faith, but it seems three strikes is all they're willing to offer.

“We aren't monsters,” said Bowser. “We have a strong history of leniency regarding these accidental border intrusions. But the Princess isn't just some ordinary hiker. She's done this before. Apparently our good natured actions in the previous instances have prompted the Mushroom Kingdom to attempt to take advantage of us. We are not pushovers and we will not stand for this. As I've said before, the princess isn't going anywhere.”

The Mushroom Kingdom has sent in Ambassador Mario Martinez Mario to start up talks of returning the princess. The Ambassador is well known for his ability in unclogging the toughest of situations, which has earned him the nickname “Super Mario”.

“Ambassador Mario might not be enough this time,” said Breadfruit Political correspondent, Richard Resetti. “There are rumors that Ambassador Mario and King Bowser have had some unpleasant interactions in the past and aren't on the best of terms. It is very likely the Mushroom Kingdom will have to make some large concessions if they want to see this situation resolved.”