Saturday, August 14, 2010

The Breadfruit 08/14/10

The Princess Is In a Different Castle

OMB, BOWSERLAND—“The princess isn't going anywhere,” said King Kametaro Bowser, the leader of the Bowserland, during a press release held this Friday regarding the detention of Princess Momomi. In which King Bowser restated his position in the matter and noted that he didn't plan on changing his mind any time soon.

Princess Momomi Peach, the prominent heir to Mushroom Kingdom, was detained by the Koopas on August 1 after straying into Bowserland territory while on a hike with friends. Representatives of Mushroom Kingdom maintain that the princess was simply enjoying a hiking trip over summer vacation and merely got a little lost. However, the Koopas insist that she was spying, having found cameras and other high-tech recording devices in the hiking party's possession.

Relations between Mushroom Kingdom and Bowserland have been tense ever since the two countries were partitioned in 1983. To this the day the borders remain ill defined, with many territories still in dispute and tempers high.

“I just pray that she'll be alright,” said Prime Minister of Sarasaland, Daisy Caddy. “I've been in her position before. I was kidnapped in my youth, so while this situation is a little different and a lot more complicated, I can still empathize. Hopefully these two countries will be able to put aside their differences for the sake of this young woman.”

There have been many cases of hikers being detained by the Koopa after crossing into their borders. Most often the disputes end quickly and the trespassers released. This case, however, is unique not only because of the prominence of the detainee, but also because of her past. This represents the third time Princess Momomi has been detained for illegally crossing into Bowserland territory. The first 2 times she was released immediately as a sign of good faith, but it seems three strikes is all they're willing to offer.

“We aren't monsters,” said Bowser. “We have a strong history of leniency regarding these accidental border intrusions. But the Princess isn't just some ordinary hiker. She's done this before. Apparently our good natured actions in the previous instances have prompted the Mushroom Kingdom to attempt to take advantage of us. We are not pushovers and we will not stand for this. As I've said before, the princess isn't going anywhere.”

The Mushroom Kingdom has sent in Ambassador Mario Martinez Mario to start up talks of returning the princess. The Ambassador is well known for his ability in unclogging the toughest of situations, which has earned him the nickname “Super Mario”.

“Ambassador Mario might not be enough this time,” said Breadfruit Political correspondent, Richard Resetti. “There are rumors that Ambassador Mario and King Bowser have had some unpleasant interactions in the past and aren't on the best of terms. It is very likely the Mushroom Kingdom will have to make some large concessions if they want to see this situation resolved.”


  1. You write these yourself? Brilliant. Just brilliant.
    Did you purposely misspell empathize though?

  2. To answer your questions: 1)Yes, I did write all these myself. Although the concept of onion-styled articles about video games was a co-thought with Kiersi and the name "The Breadfruit" was her brainchild entirely. 2), not intentional, just general incompetence. It is fixed now. Thanks for looking out!