Friday, August 13, 2010

The Breadfruit 08/13/10

Articuno Real! Scientists Real Stupid!

PALLET TOWN—Articuno, the legendary pokémon, was captured last Wednesday by 10 year old boy, Red Ketchum. For years Zoologists have doubted whether or not the pokémon even existed at all. Ketchum, however, quickly dispelled those doubts when he stunned the operators of Celadon City Gym by using the legendary bird to win his 4th badge.

“The kid was still using a little pikachu,” said Gym leader Erika Seiji. “I thought it was going to an easy win, but then out of nowhere he whips out a [expletive deleted] Articuno! And then he acts like it was no big deal!”

Over the years many have claimed to have seen the bird, but evidence was always anecdotal at best. No one could ever track down its location. Ketchum revealed that the legendary pokémon had been nesting in a cave on the Seafoam islands.

“It’s ridiculous” says Professor Yukinari Oak, leading zoologist of the Kanto-chiho Pokémon Research Institute. “The Seafoam islands are a popular tourist destination. Yet no one ever came across this bird’s nesting grounds until today? The native island inhabitants have been telling stories about this bird for generations and no one thought to look into it? It makes us scientists look like idiots!”

The discovery has raised a number of questions for scientists, but also a number of questions for Ketchum himself. Having only gained his Trainer's license 2 months ago it seems unlikely he was able to capture such a powerful pokémon. Ketchum denies allegations that he had any help.

“The real secret to catching it was friendship,” Ketchum said while grinning.

When reporters tried to press him further on the issues Ketchum ran off and lost them in the tall grass.

Scientists of the Seafoam Island Center for Marine Biology refused to comment on the matter.


  1. Ketchum is well-known for his stunning win against rock-type Pokemon gym leader, Brock Mizuhara, where he defeated Onyx with an unprecedented electric attack. Scientists are baffled as to how this was accomplished when it clearly defies the laws of Poke-physics.

  2. Hahahahaha, "Poke-physics" is my new favorite term. But I would expect nothing less from the co-inventor of The Breadfruit.