Friday, July 10, 2009

Filling the Void

        I have just finished reading Jessica Hagy's Indexed strip for today and I have to extend a profound thanks to her. Even without having ever heard of the slang term of "muffin top" before, I instantly knew to what phenomenon Ms. Hagy was referring to. Looking the term up in Urban Dictionary confirmed my suspicions. I've often seen this strange clash of body and clothing that tight pants elicit and thought that there had to be a term to describe it, but just not knowing what it was. I feel that this term has filled in a slight void that had existed in my ability to describe the world around me in words. Which is a pretty good feeling.
        I don't quite agree with the Urban Dictionary's usage guides though, most of which use the term as a derogatory one. Personally, I've never seen the effects of too-tight jeans as gross. I mean seriously, is a reminder that normal people don't look like super-models really something to make you shudder? I think not. Mostly it makes me think that there is no way those pants are comfortable. I have this thought quite a lot when thinking about Women's clothing. Like high heeled shoes for instance. No way those are comfortable. So why wear such ill-fitting garments? To look appealing? I'll tell you what isn't appealing, the idea of some disaster happening (fire, shooting, deinonychus attack) and having your date not be able to keep up due to her outfit thus endangering the both of you.
        The next time you ladies are thinking about wearing those super tight pants or those high heeled shoes think about this: sure they might show off some of your bodily assets, but if a pack of deinonychus attack your dinner party do you want to be the one getting eaten or the one getting the fuck out of there? It's evolutionary; the weak ones will fall, thus leveling out your competition. Plus you'll be a lot more comfortable. It's a win-win situation.

P.S. I don't care what how Jurassic Park's dinosaur falsities have infected pop-culture; Deinonychus are a ton scarier than those weeny little Velociraptors.


  1. First: happy belated birthday Mr. H.

    Second: no, high heels and tight pants aren't all that comfortable, but when worn in moderation can be very fun. High heels make one's legs look longer :D and personally I don't advocate tight pants when they don't FIT the person wearing them, but they are a part of the fashion industry. I prefer to think of fashion as one's expression of their personal style, and thus something they can have fun with, but many people write fashion off a shallow pursuit to keep up appearances.

    Ideally, this would not interfere with one's safety, but you do point out semi-legitimate reasons why it could. So I offer up this maxim: fashion in moderation.

    And what the heck is a deinonychus? That smallish dinosaur with the hood that goes up?

  2. I suppose it is just me, but high heels have never done anything to attract me. They do the exact opposite and freak me out a little bit.

    I like your maxim. Moderation is a good thing.

    As for the dinosaurs I will handle that in a post.