I keep seeing trailers for the exact same movies over and over and over again on the TV. It takes quite an ego to think you've got the chops to judge a book by its cover...or a movie by its trailer. But what is the internet for if not for acting like you know more than you do. Since the TV keeps forcing me to watch these things then I think I've earned the right to judge them without having seen the actual movie.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Premise: It's G.I. Joe...were you not around during the 80s?
Pro: This movie looks kind of tempting only because of my childhood love of Snake-Eyes, who is looking particularly awesome. Also it seems that Christopher Eccleston is in it. For those of you who don't know, Eccleston was the greatest Doctor Whos ever and I will fight anyone who dares disagree. This means that if this movie sucks at the very least you can lean back and be reminded of all those great Doctor Who adventures.
Con: Accelerator Suits. Why do the G.I. Joes need special suits? They're the best of the best of the military for God's sake. But Iron Man had a mechanical suit and he was awesome! This is just the same thing. Right? Right? Here's the big difference: Tony Stark personally built and designed his own suit in a fucking cave! That is badass. Being issued a suit by the government? Not badass.
Premise: Ex-secret agent CG guinea pigs...save the world or something...I'm not exactly sure.
Pro: It is probably better than it looks. I mean it can't be any worse, right?
Con: Personally I like my secret agents suave and deadly instead of doofy and...rodents. But I'm not a little kid, so perhaps I'm just not "with it". Either way I'm not a fan of mixing CG characters with real characters, unless you really know how to hide it. From what I can tell there are three main members of G-Force and they are voiced by: a black man, a latino women, and (of course) their white male leader. Leave it to Disney to think that ethnic diversity and the inclusion of racial stereotypes are the same thing.
Premise: Sacha Baron Cohen is...[Insert Character Here]
Pro: From the looks of it Sacha Baron Cohen is back doing what he does best: acting out a stereotype. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean this in a bad way. After all, unlike Disney, he uses stereotypes for satire. He creates characters of such outlandish stereotype and then throws them into the real world. A catalyst for a reaction. The most interesting characters in his work aren't Baron Cohen's, but the world.
Con: Because Baron Cohen's work has this focus on the real world my brain has always lumped it together with documentaries. While I love documentaries I don't like seeing them in theaters. The large screens and surround sound are really more suited for enveloping an audience in a world of fantasy. We're already immersed in reality, so paying extra for the experience just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I think I'll wait until it comes to video and enjoy it then.