Attack of the Puns

The following is an instant message conversation I had in September of last year. It has been altered slightly for the clarity of the reader. We join our heroes (Jesse and Megan) in the middle of a conversation. Megan was just about to go to bed when the call of the pun was sounded.

... ... ...
Jesse:
It would probably be the sort of thing you wouldn't want to try to do...like that awful toast war.

Megan:
*hangs head in remembrance of World War Toast*

I wonder if they are going to find TMD, Toasters of Mass Destruction.

Jesse:
Perhaps they will...in the future when astronauts come back to the planet and find it infested with damn dirty breads...but by that time the statue of liberty will already have been toasted.

Megan:
How long can we do this? I think we've gone on longer than most people would care to, but I'm loving it.

Jesse:
Making nonsensical references to toast wars?

That was hurtful to those killed in the toast wars...and I apologize.

Megan:
If France became our enemy, would we have to start calling it a French toast war?

Jesse:
It would only be proper.

The French would get fried in a toast war though.

Megan:
And sticky situations would arise from the syrup...

Jesse:
You are too good at this.

I cannot keep up at your levels of excellence. The best my brain has done involves egg on their face.

Megan:
I was just going to say that the enemies would crack under the pressure.

Jesse:
An international house would probably have to be set up to settle the matter.

Megan:
I can't top that.

It's so hard trying not to laugh, I don't want to wake up my roommate...

Jesse:
I find that hard to believe.

And it is probably a good workout...for your abs.

Megan:
Oh yes.

Jesse:
You wouldn't want her to eggsecute you after all.

Megan:
Be blown into powdered sugar.

Jesse:
There'd be muffin left of you.

Megan:
Then she'd be on the lam, run to the Florida key lime. Go under the alias "Sara Lee".

Jesse:
"Omelet me go!" she'd cry as they hauled her in.

Megan:
They'd throw her in a cast iron cell.

Jesse:
But the charges wouldn't stick.

Megan:
Due to the waffling of the prosecutors.

Jesse:
The whole ordeal would give her enough fame to lunch a writing career. Doughnut enough to hide her shame.

Megan:
What a crepe, to use my death and her unjust trial to her benefit. I hope for a turnover in the appleate courts.

Jesse:
She may have poached your future, but perhaps the forecast for the rest of the world is sunny side up.

Megan:
Let's just hope the message from my incident won't get scrambled.

Jesse:
It won't be over easy, that's for sure.

Megan:
Just remember my cause, don't be a benedict.

Jesse:
It may be a hardboiled world, where cereal killers go free, but it's pie time someone stood up for what's right.

Megan:
Wow, three in one? That was just icing.

Jesse:
It's easy when you're eclairevoyant.

Megan:
Or when they just hit you like a bearclaw to the head.

Jesse:
Well, I'm pretty sure I'm out of puns, but I think we deserve a toast for this wonderful display.

Megan:
Same here, but I guess I can leave on one last note for our toast: "Let them eat cake"

ugh that was just horrible...

Jesse:
Hahaha

I do believe this is the first time I've spent an hour punning.

Megan:
It's safe to say the same here. Usually I get eye rolls after the third one.

Jesse:
Over the internet?

Megan:
Usually indicated by *rolls eyes* or "har har now please stop"

Jesse:
How sad.

But pillow and behold, it has gotten rather late. You'd better get to bed or you're sure to meet with Serta doom. I wish you sheet dreams.