Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Snowbeard, Part 4: Fake Corpse Glitter

        Back at the castle, Minerson was sitting at his desk. Bags were under his eyes and his desk looked like a kindergarten art room had exploded with a full class inside. The top was stained with blood and paste and glitter. He had spent the last 24 hours hastily trying to make a convincing corpse using mainly paper-mâché and $19.50 in assorted butcher scraps. Obviously his attempt at capturing Snowbeard had utterly failed, but King Heinrich wasn't the type to accept that. While Heinrich wasn't the brightest of dwarves even he was smart enough to not accept someone's word when in came to matters of murder. A fake body was necessary.
        Minerson put the last strip of dripping paper on his corpse and stood back to admire his work. It had actually turned out better than he had expected and he especially liked what he had done with the glitter. While he waited for it to dry a little he went to straighten out his appearance a little bit.
        Despite the hard work put into the fake corpse, it turned out to be unnecessary. The King had a severe case of hemophobia and one look at the bloody mess of the paper-mâché dwarf was enough to cause him to faint. Minerson was slightly disappointed that the King hadn't taken the time to truly appreciate his creation, but his head was still on his shoulders and that was nothing to be scoffed at.
        Heinrich eventually came to and he did so with a big grin. He was once again the most beautiful dwarf in all the land. This of course meant that he could get back to his favorite pastime of admiring himself. He had even gotten a brand new magic mirror just for the occasion. Well, new to him at least. After spending all that money on the first one just to end up smashing it five minutes later, he decided a refurbished one would be just as good and much more cost effective. He ran off to his room and threw off the wrappings and asked it:
“Mirror, Mirror that I bought on sale,
Who's the hottest character in this tale?”

        The Mirror said:
“I’m very sorry my good sir,
But it’s Snowbeard’s looks that I do prefer.”

        The King laughingly replied:
“Silly mirror, you must be high.
I already caused that dwarf to die.”

        The Mirror stated simply:
“It seems you must have met a con-man
That sexy beast, she still lives on, man.”

        Heinrich let loose a howl of rage as a vein on his temple bulged. Minerson had tricked him! That little dwarf bastard, he'd get what was coming to him. But he'd get it from the sexiest dwarf in the land. It'd sting all the more that way...probably. Regardless, first things first. He had a damn fine looking dwarf to kill.

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